It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 81, 18 January 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

-That the i<ur is not alwa\s to the switt it their is diiv mone\ m selling it —That &e\eia,l leading papei^ still persist m wilting Sn Joseph plain -Mi Ward —That according to one old f aimer clown Kgmont war the settlers are putting up wuc-nettmg fences to keep the bot flies out. —That the idiotic pro-Boeratics of the Gei mans have been the cause of numerous fights between English and German colonists in New Zealand. — That the world is waiting with breathless inteiest for the rescinding ot the Wellington Tiades Councils nide-ous-and-unholv-w ai resolution. — That, according to a humoiou" local medico, a recent patient was so small he was unable to tell whether he was suffering from coins 01 soie thioat —That Hector Macdonald during hi" trip through the colonies, received more admiring letters from women than does the beauty tenoi of an operatic company. —That Mayoi Ait ken having put Ins hand to the municipal plough should not turn back until he has tuined the furrow of municipal perfection as per ambition. —That a local Hebrew hopeful was discovered bv his loving parents the other day -'testing" goldfish with acid His pa thinks he wiU be a financier some day —That a missioiia.iv recent h took a ™ £2700 from Sidney to feed niggers on the Congo Svdne> has 10 000 homeless (and foodless) derelicts lne power of gush' —That a baibei who invented an electric shaving apparatus is being asked by sixty-three clients through their lawyers to show cause why he turned their faces blue. —That the Eighth Contingent should take a small squad of dogs for use on outpost. No chance of a repetition ot Tweefontein with a ' kuri" as companion to the outlying pickets --That, according to an ancient author, Marconi, the wireless telegraphist ha*- borrowed his idea from an ancient Egyptian, who used the system prior to the building of the pyramids. That Leipsic Rivens has invited Bob Bannister to accompam him on a trip to Rotorua Means to get him into hot w atei b\ hook or bj crook, as a return for that' Palmeiston picnic. —That the Hutt-road, now that the Eighth Contingent is camped at Tientham, is sinking because of the amount of cuhsory remarks it has had heaped upon it the last two Sunday afternoons. — That supporters of the Midland Cricket Club felt exceedingly uncomfortable at times on Saturday last, but their fancy team permitted them after all to say ' I told yoii so" aftei the match. —That the proprietor" of the Bank of New Zealand will hold a meeting in Wellington on February 7th, according to the faithtul chronicler. Can Wellington find accommodation for 800,000 people? —That the local ladies' man, who told a pretty girl that she looked '•fresh," was so pleased at the result that he tried that style of compliment on a male friend The chemist i«. fixing his black eye up. — That the Otaki Bia&s Band make a point of publicly thanking by name the generous gentleman who subscribed the sum of three halfpence and a farthing Sort of reserve fund for new uniforms music, etc — That Captain Dick Seddon will return to South Africa with the Eighth Contingent. Like his father, young Dick is a "goer." and if there is any hard graft going round lie won't shirk his full share — That the local admirers of George Giffen leceived a rude shock when the scores in the New South Wales-South Australian match were cabled through on Monday. One wicket for 112 runs was too hard to believe but it was correct all the same —That Mr Wathen in Otago "Daily Times," says "If my vote would hang every pro-Boer, who ia an enemy to the British Empire, I should have every pro-Boer slaughtered to-day." And he shows pretty plainly that his first client would be Mr Barclay M H.R.

- That it is easier for clerjmeu to moot (alls" than mining speculations —That the new name for Government cleiks who have grown giey in the sen ice is Old ago pon-shunuors " - -That the engine pulling the tram that earned the Pietmer on has West Coast trip broke down Weight will tell — That theie aie heioes and heroes, but the man who recently eloped with hi.s mother-in-law is in a class all by him&elf -That if, as suggested Austiaha le-fuse-s woik to Geimans seveial towns almost entireh populated with Teutons will collapse - That short dies&es are coming into fashion again and voune ladies are exp<rniicing the old old difficult* of gettm rr a No (i foot into a No 4 shoe --That a Government cadet was asked an unofficial question the othei day What is blackmail?" Mourning envelopes " that bnght youth replied —That still another lawyer will woo the electors for a seat in the House. Barrister Louglman is said to have a big chance for Manawatunext election. — That a Maori applicant for an old age pension became ten years older in a fortnight A Maori youth of nineteen 'wore to the age of ihe applicant. -That a bad boN scaled his (-istei's fiancee bv telling him 'Louie had been unconscious foi eight houis last night." He ultimabeh explained that she had slept her usual period — That it w a k s curious to note the awkwardness of some of the new and inexperienced non-coms at Trentham this week, and the ease of plain returned troopers with no stripes — That thuty years ago Lord Kitchener tossed up a coin, 'heads for the Anm tails foi New Zealand." Heads won it. He has eighteen relatives in New Zealand, however — -That Theophilus Gun is a new ciank who is t lying to out-Dow le Dowie in Adelaide ' He says Australia is the ' Holy C'ltv" of St John and already several thousand Austiahans believe him - That Sir Joseph Ward is not starting a menagerie. The animals, he brought up from the South on Monday are Esquimaux dogs — probably survivor? of the Borchgrevinck South Pole expedition — -That Maiy Ann Noble has got back into the good' graces of the cricketing public of Melbourne. They actually cheered him when he went in to bat in the second innings of the second test match. — That the Yankees have killed 300,000 Filipinos during their campaign or a greater number of men than the ■whole of the British troops and Boers m Africa put together. It must be true, for an American journal says so — That President Roosevelt shook hands- at the rate of about one per second for twenty-four houis, according to the cable man recently . Either Roosevelt is dead, oi the cable man is a wandeier from the path of actuality. — That the hot weather, and the absence of wind, aie impressing people with the desirability of fighting smells in our back streets. Chinese vegetable odours are opponents more worthy of police steel than Chinese pak-a-poo. — That a visitor to Timaiu had his clothes spirited away while he disported in the sea He reached the police station in a suit of seaweed and with a large audience of boys The man who 'borrowed" his clothes was captured next day. — That the Huddart Paiker Company is furnishing New Zealand with harbour masters and pilots. Captain Hood, of New Plymouth, and formerly of the Anglian, is a case in point Captain Thorpe, of the Westralia, appointed appointed ohief assistant pilot at Lyttelton at £300 a year, is another.