Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 60, 24 August 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

A STROKE of good luck affecte some people very differently, and, m the ca&e of a rather gay city spark (a veritable tailor's model) it has. affected him very indifferently. Living in this district is a charming grl, well endowed with beauty — a dream of haunting loveliness in fact — whose father stands high in the monetary world, and who is reputed to be able to light has fire with banknotes. Many have essayed to seouie her hand and heart, but she has been as evanescent as a sunbeam, and, when the said gay spark tried his luck, little expecting to succeed, he was o^erJoyed when she accepted him. It was such good luck, in fact, that he promptly went on a spree for a week His fiancee met him on the street one day when he was in a most hilarious state, and got so disgusted that she broke off their engagement, and now things are as they were. When fortune knocks at a man's door in that fashion he should see that the portal is promptly opened. It was in 1881 that the Maori 'prophet" Te Whiti caused trouble with the Europeans in the Panhaka district, requiring the Government to send a detachment to the scene of the outbreak The military men of Nelson who took part in the historic, bloodless advance on the stronghold of the valiant Maoris are thinking of commemorating the affair, and a meeting has been called to consider the matter. The day of the anniversary, the sth of November, would seem to be pecuharlj appropriate, being indelibly associated with "gunpowder treason and plot " Another injustice to the penciller of odds! Flemington (Melbourne) Court has recently decided that the elevated boots used bv layers of odds constitute a place within the meaning of the Gaming Act. Now, as the gentlemen with the raucous voice and money bag move about in these boots, a pair of ordinary half-inch soled boots also constitutes a place by this precedent We can only suggest that the bookies attend racemeetings ban -footed, to avoid being anywhere legally Truly, the wav of the transgressor is hard, and it is hkelv to be extremely thorny if the only suggestion that will legalise their presence on a course is adopted.

In a ceitain city down South the inhabitants recently witnessed a novel, if distressing, sight. It all turns on the perfidy of man The said perfidious party had arranged the day for his wedding, the lady of his choice was willing, and all went merrily The day aruved, the blushing budeand the happ\ bridegroom stood at the altar, and proceeded to mutter the words in this matter provided, when a lady. with blood in her eye and venom on her tongue arose, making allegations of a distiessful natuie in reference to the proposed budegroom and herself * t * When she had plentifully besprinkled the reputation of the benedict recruit, she subsided into a pew , and was carried out to be duly sprinkled and restored. In the meantime however, the blushing bride opined that there might be something in the stoiy and, instead of softly murmuring "I will " decisively uttered, "I will not," and the wedding was off That love may be turned to hate and vice versa, is evident, for news comes from the Southern city that the lady who besmeared the reputation of the intentional bridegroom has this week exchanged her spinsterhood for matrimony, and with the man, the subiect of the. dramatic denouncement Perhaps this is the most \ irulent form of revenge the lady could take ' * * ■* Joined the Procession. The fashion he never would follow, He vowed in a positive tone, While the top of has skull wasn't hollow , But would dress in a style of his own. He put himself quite in. a passion, But to some slight extent he backslid, He never would follow the fashion. But he followed a woman who did. * * * That infant strangers to Wellington look upon the Corporation cars as an institution especially designed for juvenile amusement was evidenced on Wednesday afternoon. Thus the child "Oh, Mum, let's have a ride on the seesaw '" Mum did, and now the child, who has "ma-de-car" in consequence, wants to return to less expensive allurements of childhood's happy days. * * * The wedding present craze occasionally leads to peculiar results. A fair bride often receives so many cake-bank-ets, bread knives, and whatnot that she really does not know what to do with them, and <^be soon forgets the names of the donors. One lady, who was surfeited with gifts of this sort a while back lately sent to two other fair damsels, who were entering the happy state, the identical gifts they had given her when she changed her name. They happened to be peculiarly marked, and we^re evidently readily identifiable. Then, again, a dealer, who had, through an outside, source, received a number of articles for disposal, knew that two of them had been sent to the seller as bridal e^fts by himself and his wife a short time previously.

\V ho says our children are losing their wits 01 their cleverness? A good story comes from one of our quiet suburbs. A small boy and his sister, who&e united ages would not total ten years, had quail oiled over some playthings, and, like their elders, "came to words." "You're a pig — you're a pig!" snapped the little man viciously. And, like the lady she is bound to become, his wee sister letorted — "You're my brother — you're my brother'" Mouldboard," to the Lance.— The farmers are crying out because the ploughman will not come along and turn over their ground for "a pound a week and tucker," which fairly expre&s>es generally the whole of the benefits to be derived bv being an agricultural labouier. I have been employed in the industry for seven years, so know whereof I speak Thank goodness more congenial occupation has come to me after the infliction of life on a farm. I have w orked for upwards of twenty farmers during that time, and not one provided me with decent sleeping accommodation.

A man ls always expected to provide himself with blankets, and frequently to build his own bedstead with what material he can find he has to work in all weathers and for ten or twelve hours, and is debarred entirely from any kind of society. A pound a week man costs the farmer about 27s in all, the 7s easily covering "tucker." There is hardly a farm labourer in New Zealand who does not work sixty hours a week, and at a total wage of 27s — a trifle over 5d an hour. Farmers wonder at the workingman's refusal to leave town and comfortable quarters for a labourer's life, squa'or, and od an hour' What would a town labourer whose work is less laborious, hours shorter by twelve per week, and wages larger by los, say to the man who bewailed the inability to get men at his figure? * * * A New Zealand town, with a municipal Corporation and other evidences of completeness, has discovered live eels in a hole in the mam street. Wellington might take advantage of its peculiarly favourable conditions to establish municipal celeries. The produce would help to buy Miramar, and give an air of interest to the numberless street cavities. * * * A Chinese washing factory down Canterbury way bears the following notification . — Classical Laundry. Washing and Ironing Done Promptly and Cheaply. (Hooray ') The last word on the window was evidently the inspiration of the humorous sign-writer, and the simple Chow does not savee w hat its meaning is. ■<• ~ # One of the attendants in a local soft goods emporium got a shock the other day during the bargain sale period. A sweet young lady, with suspicions of honeymoon about her, said she wanted a pair ot trousers for her husband. "Yes, madam, what size, madam?" asked the gentlemanly attendant. "Oh, I don't know the size, but he wears a fifteen collar!" And the attendant hurriedly retired to work out the calculation. * # * Foiks who are in the habit of strolling through the Botanical Gardens, are occasionally disturbed by the stones of a man who waylays defenceless girls and women. The fellow was reported to be abroad again last week. Now, Jackson, who is an athletic young fellow, engaged in one of the city offices, is in the habit of strolling in the Gardens with Miss Jillson to the envy of Smithson, who has long admired the fair Jillson from afar. It was he who told Jackson of the rumour, and it was he also who* suggested to the lover the brilliant idea which, if carried c-ut, would lead to a surprise being sprung upon the w r ay-la.ver. Smithsoii's idea was that Jackson and Miss Jillfeon— who was a lively and fetrong-nerved girl, and one likely to onioy such an adventure — should make their rendezvous as usual, and stroll along the shaded paths. There Jackson should disappear from view, and hide among the trees, leaving the lady lonely-looking upon a scat in a quiet

part of the Gardens. She would thus become a decoy duck, the fellow who was m tho habit ot .scaring women would com© along, and then Jackson could sali> out and gn c him such a. tlnashing as would satisfy him foi tho lemamder of Ins days. Jackson liked tho idea immeiibely, and discussed its details enthusiastically with Simthson all day. That mght Miss Jillson expiessed her deliglit with the scheme, said she "would not miss thei fun of seeing it through for a new hat," and ga\e Jackson a tw uige of a jealous feeling by the way in which she declared Smithson to be "real clever" to think of such a thing. The lendezvous was fixed, the afternoon was fine, Jackson was duly ensconced among the trees, and Miss Jillson demurely seated. Hark ' a footstep. The lady smiled as she hung her head, but blushed vividly and exclaiimed, "Oh, Mr. Smithson, I was lust thinking of you!" as that gentleman took a seat at her side, and began eagerly to thank her for having him in her thoughts Jackson watched the scene for a little while, and then, realising that the other fellow had "put up a game" on him, came out from co\er, and "said some things," which Miss Jill->-on dec'ares she will never forget. There was a bit of a fig-lit after all but honours were even The result, however, is that it is Smithson and Miss Jillson who now together admire the beauties of the Botanies The latest variation of the confidence tnok comes fiom the "other side," and has been revealed by the victim. He was a young man, and embarked on a steamer a little while before she left port. An affable stranger approached him, and remarked that he too was a passenger, and they had not been long in conversation when he remarked to the young man that it was too risky carrying money on one's person on such a voyage, and he forthwith handed some £b to a man in an officer's uniform, who happened to be standing near, and whom he addressed as the purser of the \ essel. The genuine passenger did hkewiso, handing over about £30 to the purser " It is liaidlv necessary to add that on arriving at his destination he could find no trace of the bogus 'purser," or the equally bogus passenger. A lival to Edison has been discovered in a city in the vicinity of Palmerston in a compositor With much toil tribulation, and midnight oil, he evolved from Ins gigantic intellect an invention that should revolutionise the world The fact is, he gave to the world the puceless gift of an ' improved pie dish." He saw visions of future opulence, he reclined in fancy in his padded brougham, and placed large orders with the local hardware men for the manufacture of the revolutionary culinary vessel. The oitv, at the present moment, is full of the latest pattern of hardware, which a wise generation has found to' be a good deal behind anything of the kind used in the days of William 1., it being impossible to get at the pie after it is cooked, and the aspiring comn has several gross of enamel dishes of quaint construction on his hands, and a sheaf of accounts that make him wish he had left the invention industry to the other Edison. t Ante-funeral obsequies, which were literally followed by a "wake" recently, took place up the Coast. An old gentleman, in the course of nature, lay down and, apparently, passed peaceably away. The flags were half-masted, relatives grieved and the undertakers were advised. The family were partaking of the first meal with the one chair vacant, when the corpse quietly arose dressed himself, and presented himselt for dinner The consternation was so great that the supposed corpse demanded explanations. When the family pointed out the fact that the flags weio flying half-mast m the resurrected one s niemoiy, the shock was so great that he resumed his couch, the flags still iemained at their unusual altitude, and the mistake was rectified by the actual denude of the ' corpse " Scarce a corner ot Wellington ha.s been left unvisited bv those scourges influenza, measles, and scailatina during' the past few weeks Every shop office and workroom in the city has had its absentees. "Is Smith in?" "No, he's home nursing the grippe. Is Jack down 9 " "Jack? why, lies got the measles!" "Where's the Boss? "Got the influenza'" These have been oAorvdav verbal exchanges The iudge on the bench, the girl at the bar, the cleik of the court, and his subordinates haM* all been down with the epidemic. A boy overheard his people talking at table the other evening of the coming of one or other of the epidemics to their large family 'Oh " said the mother, with a resigned air. 'I suppose we'll have measles, and all the youngsters will get them I hope they will all get the attack at the same time and be done with it'" Then up spoke the little listener eagerly- "Mother let me have them first'"

An. evangelist in India the other clay gave this modern veision of an ancient parab c "There was a man going along a road He n<% attacked bv robbeis, looted, ill-used and tin own to the side of the road, half-dead A mullah came bv, but paid no attention to him similaily a Pundit But a C'hnstiai followed He helped him Being a Christian, he had liquor with him (, MI ), and ustoied him to consciousness. " This last sentence is delicious An excellent example of "Things one would have expressed differently" was overheard on the Quay during the week Two friends — a lady who is a nurse, and

a local gentleman — were greeting each other after an absence of some time. The gentleman said lie had just received a visit from the daughters of a mufual tiiend "And," he added, "how tlio.se gnls ha\e grown l Why, it decs not sei m so \ery long ago since I nuis- <•<! tin in It makes a fellow f ( 1 quite old' ' "It does, indeed," added the muse, sympathetically, 'for it does not seem so long since I nuised then fathei '" She could not understand why he laughed, foi she, of coui-e, meant that she had nursed him during •m illness, and not when a> baby' She now is at nams to explain that it is so ea^v to be misunderstood