It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 50, 15 June 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That at least one visible result of the Royal visit will be "new clothes." — That Ann Eliza would be an appropriate name for a lady chemist or analyst. — -That shark was barred as a toothsome table item at Rotorua during the native festivities. — That when a man owes a good round sum he usually finds it difficult to square up. — That an Oamaru restaurant advertises for a man with a wooden leg, to mash potatoes. — That the pre-sessional speeches delivered by various of the members lately have been principally of the peanut order. —That when "Bobs." cabled home six or seven months ago that "the war is practically all over," he must have forgotten to add two words — "the country." —That a certain local lady, on being asked to name the eventful day, put it off for quite a long time. She is taking a course of lessons in cookery. Happy man ! —That a Christchurch lady visitor, who did "the block" here in a large Gainsborough hat last week, caused hundreds to get a kink in their necks through looking round at the fleeting vision. —That an intelligent compositor altered the word 'inset" into "insult," with the result that a well-known country newspaper informed its readers that "An insult is published with this issue." — That one of the constables told off to follow the Duke around is named Pidgeon. As Pidgeon's job will be to hunt "hawks," the tradition about the relationship of these birds will be reversed.

— That people are wondenng how many more unions are going to be formed in Wellington. —That the difference between repaitee and impudence is the size of the man who uses it. —That, according to an obseivant spinster, honeymoons aie going out of fashion in New Zealand. — That second-hand dress suits are just now being borrowed for nearly as much as they are worth — That 'tis common talk that a great many abortive criminal trials are duo to to wholesale "embracery,'' or "squaring" of juries. — That a Wairarapa paper has been cruel enough to announce in the one par a probable wedding — and a probable divorce case. That a well-known J.P. scorched along a footpath the other day, and a close-handy constable, also on a bike, made no sign. —That the Hutt Council is a long time fixing upon a recreation ground — an amusement spot badly wanted by residents there. That one caustic Napier councillor said the other night that the only amusement he had once a fortnight was listening to a certain other councillor speak. —That the idea of the people being mped off at the reception, lest they should get within coo-ec of Royalty and the highly select, is making Wellington ropeable. — That a man, allegedly deep in love, who was refused by the girl of his heart lately, threatened to hang himself, and next day the heartless female sent him a clothes-line by parcel post. —That a well-known old identity is not trusting to either Ranfurly or King Dick for an introduction to "the Dook." In order to be well ahead of everybody else he has sent along a signed cabinet photograph of himself. — That William Ewart Gladstone, of Invercargill. is patenting an improved device for holding the reins of horses. There was another William Ewart Gladstone who once upon a 'time held the reins of empire. — That it is no wonder the band began to play when Mr. Fraser, M.H.R., told his Napier constituents the other day that "Messrs. Pirani, Atkinson, and Hutcheson were returned to support the present Government."

— That "haughty-culture'^ is the favourite pastime among the "invited few" in Wellington just now. — -That two Gisborneites, named Robb, \\ ore robbed of their holiday money while on a trip to Sydney. — That, on occasions when it is crowded, the local S.M. Court might w ell be termed the scentral court. — That the hearing of divorce euits in camera will soon be the general rule, according to present appearances. And the sooner the better. — That some young fellows are being ruined by opium smoking in this city, but there appears to be no> way of saving them from their own folly. — That, with the prospect of nearly a dozen "hotels" being re-built-, the Christchurch carpenters, plasterers, and so on, are looking forward to a real good time. — That the proprietors of Coker's Hotel, Christchurch, received £1000 as compensation for the cancellation of the order securing the hotel for the Duke and Duchess. — That denuding country townships of their police on account of the Royal visit is bad policy, especially as they are not wanted in the cities. Those concerned are kicking against it. — That a certain citizen, who invited some of the Brooklyn's officers to "come and have a drink," found himself minus the wherewithal with which to liquidate. The situation was saved by the score going on the slate. — That an extraordinary number of police officers are guarding the Royal couple m this colony, and keeping at a safe distance any person who seems likely to have a bomb or an infernal machine concealed in the lining of his hat. — That there was a desperate scramble for Government House last week directly the papers announced that the visitors' book was lying open in the porch for all and sundry to enter their names. Torrents of rain could not keep them away. — That a wonderfully large number of Wellington people suddenly discovered that they had important business in Auckland this week. — That one man, who had a letter to the proprietor of the ill-fated Grand Hotel, Auckland, and who should have been there at the time of the fire, but was deftained at Palmerston, was a travelling instructor on undertaking and embalming !

— That there is a military officer named Coward in one of the Commonwealth States. He must be game to stick to that name. — That one fashionable soothsayer wanted to tell our future King's fortune in Sydney, but the officials shooed her away from the house. — That a lady who crossed the Tasman Sea to shake the Ducal hand, missed the 'bus somehow, but hopes to be more fortunate here in Wellington. — That a family, who shifted from Brisbane to Sydney to avoid the plague, have now shifted from Sydney to Wellington to avoid the smallpox. — That "housemaids' knee" is the fashionable complaint in Wellington at present. Rehearsing the Royal "kneel" is responsible for the epidemic. —That another member of Parliament is thinking of following George Hutchison to South Africa as soon as things settle down a bit there. — That the introduction of official mayoral robes in Wellington will probably be followed by a proposal to style the City Councillors "Aldermen." — That local cricketers are wondering where all the cash went to if none of the amateurs in Stoddart's last cricket team received any pocket money. — That some nasty things are being said in the coastal papers about unpaid accounts contracted in connection with the banquet tendered the Premier months ago. — That a Wellingtonian, who had been "Royalising" in Sydney, has arrived with somebody else's valuable luggage. He took what the hotel porter gave him; his own had disappeared. — That the presentees of an address to a certain banker, on the eve of his departure, included a number of people to whom he had refused overdrafts. Glad to get rid of him, no doubt. — That the Maoris who have been demonstrating at Rotorua this week went in heavily for tall hate, loud ties, and kid gloves for the Royal reception, and that cheap lines in concertina'd tiles will Ibe much in evidence now that the shew is over. — That a young man of some consequeoce received a bit of a surprise the other day when, on being "put up" at a certain club he was unmercifully "pilled." One black in four is enoqgh. to exclude, but 'tis said , he got more blacks than whites.