WISE AND OTHERWISE.

North Otago Times, 3 December 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Asin English; jentleman -w»wattr tag down, a- ; quiet■rtrttttejPhfli:.: delphla he. heard' a' rauwasToio* say:—'.7" '-'■.;>:'•■ ;.f Charity I For jth« love irt'he*wa.;' charity'!" ■-■:]': ''•';.■ .'-,. ;■;■'-:' : '! : ;v.:-; The genttemah,' a 'true. pbQaothro* pist, turned, and: sajr' a .thin an* ragged flgnr? on whose ,b;eari hung a card paying,' "I am blind." -The; gentleman took 'a-;coin..irom Vihla pocket and' dropped 4 |tftp. the blind': beggar's clip. - -■ ■ ■■- .-'... .

.'But the coin. was- dropped from too great a height,. !.and ; it founded out again.;, It fell and;polled alcng. the pavement, the beggar •' in "pursuit'. Finally it lodged "'in. .the ..gutter,; whence the blind "men fished 'it out..

The' gehtieman said in a' stern Voice-' '" ■*•■''■■•.

. "Confound you you are no more ; blind than I am.".- •; The beggar at these words'looked /at the .placard pn his b'rsast, ;and gave a start of surprise, ' "Right you 'are ■ boss," he said. "Blamed if they haven't put the wrong, card on me, I'm deaf and dumb." : NO TIME FOR FOOLERY. ■ A burly farmer anxiously entered the post- office. ■ '"Have you got a letter for Mike Howe?" he asked.- | The new postmaster looked at him sternly. "For-who?" he'snapped. "Mike Howe ("•■' repeated]' the far mer.

"I don't understand -you," said the postmaster. ' "Don't understand !"'" roared the farmer. "Can't you unierstarid plain 'English?. I asked you .if 'you've a letter for Mike Howe!"

"Well, I .haven't," snarled,'the postmaster. "Nslthc'r have 1 ,gbt' a .letter for anybody else's 'cow. Got out I I've no time for foolery."'

A LESSON IN TACT,

: There-is a d;ep lsas'on coti-e'rod in thi3 "s'toryctte. ' ■ Once upon a certain ti'.ho. th n was •an almost totally-.'bald pnt,'who .was dining-in a. restaurant, an) .found.a hair.ln his soup. j He was very angry, ! "Waiter," he called, "thero is a hair in my soup." Now, v the waiter was a tactful man.

"An," cried the waiter, "ze magneeficent, long, carlmg hair I Undoubtedly, from monsieur's head!" And then the much-flattered diner smiled blandly, remarked, "Ah, well, accidents will happen I" and left a half-crown underneath his plate.

SHE PREFERRED TO MISS THEM

The vicar of a large country town in England visited a parishioner, an aged widow, who had ten children, all of whom, except one daughter, had married and left her. Now this daughter.was also about to be married, so that the old lady would be left quito alone.. The clergyman endeavoured to sympathise with her. "'Well, Mrs. Higglns," he said, "you will no doubt feel lonely .how, after having had the: company of SO large a family ?" "Yes,'sir," the old lady, replied, "I Bbalt feel it lonesome, I'te brought up ten ol now Vh loßlng the last one. An' I missel 'em, an' I wants 'em; but I missM 'em more than I wants'em," : THffi-NBW-OARD TRIOR. , "Sir!" S^'WeU?" "You have been staring at me I" "Not that I am aware of." The young gentleman, evidently a studentrftas about to retire with', as apology, wh;n the person addressed —a banker-thought proper to add :- "You are altogether too insignificant an individual for me to stare at you," "Sir,, that is an insult! I. shall Challenge you, Here is my card." After a moment's hesitation the banker'also gave up his card. The cards were inscribed as follows : "Count Botho von Felslng, Student of Philosophy." "' . '"Krnßt Grunschild, Banker." The Bcene occurred at a cafe, and the Count at once took his departure, After his eicitement bad somewhat abated, he had had time to collect his thoughts, Herr Ornnschlld also left. Fearing lest his betterhalf might suspect something from his looks, he went straight to his place, of business and began to write letters to his. friends containing the customary last farewell greetings, in case he should fall a prey to a "vindictive and quarrelsome opponent." It was 7 p.m., and the cashier called as ÜBual to, present his report. Grunschild ran his eye listlessly over ,the balance-sheet. Suddenly he .gave a start.

"A thousand marks drawn for private use! " What does this 7 Come this is above a joke 1"

"Have you.forgotten, Herr Gruns: child? You were .playing at the cafe, you know, and lost a thousand markß, and, .as ypu hadn't that amount on you, Gount von Seising was. good enough to call lor the money :on his way, He.showed rae your visiting card in... proof ' of: his statement." '

Orunschild'hardjy Jnew .whether ; he should go into ;■ a .fit with terror and vexation, ; or ; whether he should Bhout for joy. He.had.been.done out of a thousand • marks, -but at the same time it was "off" with the duel. When he afterwards learnt that the imaginary : student waSi'.a: professional swindler, he was thankful to have got- off so cheaply. ;; '

FROM MR TO BAR.

"With magisterial eye the J.P. regarded the defendant. "I seem -to;.know- your face,", he mused; "I know it well. Have you been here before?" "No, sir," replied the man behind the railing. "Have you seen me before?" "Yus, sir I" "Often?" . ' ;"Yus, sir I" "And what's your trade?" i The man drew a band across his mouthi • '• ' I "Please, sir," he blurted, "I'm barman at. the King's 'Ead I" Mrs. H..' "I see there's'a 'sinn io France irho has three of hin wlvca In s'.'.cJcssion, l:d lito to sec-the man who would prdw mi,"