WELLER AMONG THE WOMEN.

North Otago Times, 3 December 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

WELLER AMONG THE WOMEN.

THE TEA-DRINKING MEETING,

"How's mother-in-law this mornin' ?" asked- Mr. Weller the youngor. "Queer, Sammy, queer," replied the older Mr. Wellor, with impressive gravity. "She's hcen gettln' raythe'r in the Methodistfeal 'order lately, Sammy; and she is uncommon pious, to he sure. She's too good a creetur for me,, Sammy. I feel I don't deserve her."

"Ah,"' said Mr. Samuel, "that's Wery selt-denyin' o' you." "Wery," replied his parent, with a sigh, "She's got hold o' some inwention for grown-up folk being born again, Sammy—the new birth, I think they calls it. I should wery much like to see that system in haction, Sammy, I should wery much like to see your mother-in-law born, again, Wouldn't I put her out to nurse!"

'"What do you think them women does t'other day," continued Mr. Weller, after a short pause, during which he had significantly struck tho side of his nose with his forefinger some half-dozen times, "What do you think they does, t'other day, Sammy ?"

"Don't know," replied Sam, '"what?"

"Goes and gets up a grand teadrinkin' for a feller they calls their shepherd," said Mr. Weller. "I was a-standing atarin' in the pictiirshop down at our place, when I'sees a little bill about it; 'tickets half-a-crown, All applications to be made to the committee. Secretary, Mrs. Weller'; and when I got homo there was the committee a-sittin' in our back parlour. Fourteen women; I wish you could ha' heard- 'em, Sammy. There they was, a-passin' resolutions, and wotin' supplies, and all sorts o' games, "Well, what with your mother-in-law a-worrin' me to go, and what with my looking for'ard to eeein' some queer starts if I did, I put my name down for a ticket; at six o'clock on the Friday evenln' I dressed myself out wery smart, and off I goes with the old 'ooman, and up we walks into a fust-floor where there was tea-things' for thirty, and a whole lot' o' women as begins wliisperin' to one another' a ud lookin' at me, as if they'd never seen a rayther stout gen'l'm'n of eight-and-fifty afore. By-and-by, there comes a great bustle downstnirs, and a lanky chap ■ 'with a red nose and a white neckcloth rushes up, and sings' out, 'Horc's the shepherd ,a-coming to wisit his faithful flock;' and .in comes a fat chap in black, with a great white face, a-smilin' away like j clockwork.

I "Such goin's-on, Sammy! 'The kiss of peace,' says the shepherd; and then he kissed the women all round, and ven he'd done, the man with 'the red nose began. I was just a-thinkin' whether I hadn't, better begin too —'specially as there was a wery nice lady a-sittin' next me—ven in comes the tea, and your mother-in-law, as had been makin 1 the kettle bile downstairs. At it they went, tooth and nail, Such a precious loud hymn, Sammy, while the tea, 1 was.a-brewing; such a grace, such eatin' and drinkin'! I wish you could ha' seen the shepherd walkin' into the ham and-muffins. I never see such a chap to eat and drink-never. The red-nosed man warn't by no means' the sort of person you'd like to grub by contract, but he was nothln' to the shapherd. , "Well;, arter the tea was over, they sang another hymn, and then the shepherd began to preach; and wery well he did it, considerin' how heavy them muffins must have lied on his chest. Presently he pulls up, all of a sudden, and hollers out, 'Where is the sinner; where is the mis'rable sinner ?' Upon which, all the women looked at me, and began' to groan as if they was a-dying. I thought it was rather sing'lor7 but, hows'ever. I says nothing. Presently he pulls up again, and, lookin' wery hard at me says, 'Where is the sinner; where is the mis'rable sinner ?' and all the women groans again, ten times louder than afore. "I got rather savago at this, so I takes a step or two for'ard and says 'My friend,' says I, 'did you apply that ' 'ere obserwation to me?' 'Stead of beggin' my pardon, as any gen'lm'n would ha' done, he got more abusive than ever; called me a wessel, Sammy-a wessel of wrath-and all sorts o' names, So my blood being reg'larly up, I first gave him two or three for himself, and then two or three more to hand over to the man with the red nose, and walked off. I wish you could ha' heard how the women screamed, Sammy, ven they picked,up thd shepherd from underneath the table- ; Hollo! here's the governor, the size of life."

As Mr. Weller spoke, Mr. Pickwick dismounted from a cab, and entered the yard.-"The Pickwick Papers."