NOTHING SERIOUS.

North Otago Times, 3 September 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

NOTHING SERIOUS.

•■•'■ N ■■.■'' < —.'•'■■ THE IGND'OFGIRL TO MARRY. ''Have you " carefully considered . all that Ihave said, my boy ?"- a sk-. Ed the old gentleman, the. day after he bad given his son a little .father- : ly advice, .. '.' : ; '.'Yes, fatherj"..replied the young man meekly.. ' .' .•//.';•,•. • "You are getting near the agei at which a young, inan naturally begins to look about for' a wife, and I don't) want you to make a mistake." "I'll try not.to, father." ' "No butterflies of fashion,'my boy, tot a girl of some solid worth;. one vho has some practical accopftjßshments." ,y.l "Yes, jfather." '^ "Nfiwr mini! +lio . nt. n .-«i i .

I wever mind the piano-playing; never mind the dancing'and smalltalk. When you find a girl who can cook,. mj» boy, it .will be time to think of marrying'; When you find a girl who can make her own bed, knows'how to sot the table without forgetting something, is able to make the preserves and above all, is good at sewing, go Jn and win her, my boy, and you will have-my blessing.." "I have resolved, father, to seek such a wife as you .have described," said the young mau with determination. "I see tho folly of seeking a wife in society. I will go to a registry office this afternoon, and see if I can find one that will an-' swer. And then I'll have mother call on her, and-and—" "Youngj man, I'll break your neck in about $ minute !" "But. you said—" "Never mind what I said. I've, changed my mind." VERY ANNOYING TO THE SHOPKEEPER. A well-dressed man was standing outside a bookseller's shop in Charing Cross Road,' closely examining one of Balzac's works illustrated by Gustave Dore. "How mnch this Balzac?" he asked an'assistant outside.

Twentyfive shillings," was the reply. "Oh, that's far too much. I must see the manager about a reduction," continued tho prospective •customer, and, suiting the actfon to the wort, he took up the book and went into the shop, Approaching the bookseller, he took the book from under( his arm," and asked what he would give for it. "Seven shillings, highest offer," he was told. The offer was accepted—the man took his money, and left, "Well," queried the assistant later, after the man had gone, "were you able to hit off with the gentleman, sir ?" "Oh, yes, I managed to get another copy of that edition of Balzac for seven shillings," . When the situation was explained to him the bookseller was • very angry, and went out to lodge a complaint with the police. The whale's nose is on the top ol f the head-at least, his nostrils are situated there, through which he expels the, columns of water r kjkwn as "'spouting." Whales only they are feeding. [ ON SENTRY-GO. A private in the Territorial-camp, on being found asleep at his post, was hailed before the commanding officer, The CO. was very stem and

!- impressive, r "In war time," he said, "the pune ishment for this offence is death, e This is not war; nevertheless, you s will have to pay a fine of threes pence?" p A KANAKA BELLE. g The smile of the Cheshire Cat in ,1 Wonderland was nothing compared 3 with that of a Hawaiian belle des- ) cribed in an American romance. 1 Here it is in all-its beauty:--"Her ■ rich red lips parted, and there flashed upon the landscape two rows of . beautiful. white teeth, dlowly her ; mouth opened wider and wider, jv Deeper grew the dimples on her ; bronze cheeks. Brighter danced the , sunbeams in her eyes, until a stray , ray, darting through the foliage of [ an overhanging bough, illuminated 3 the deep cavern of her mouth, and 5 the twinkling tonsils of her throat. , Then, seeing us gaze intently upon , her, she .closed her lips, and dark- , ncss fell upon the scene." AT THE GANNON'S MOUTH, i At the storming of a fort, when scaling ladders 'had been placed, an ' Irish private, with one foot on the f ladder, was about to climb up when a young officer stepped before him , saying: "Officers first, my lad. Fol- . low me, for this is where Victoria Crosses are earned." The private now followed close be- , hind him,'but on reaching the top a , round shot, carrying the subaltern's head away, his body fell back. . • Pat grasping the ladder, and swing- , ing aside as if to allow those behind to pass, shouted, '"Begorrah now, is there any more of vez helnw thnt.'o

, >u« uuy more oi yez dbiow tnat s 43 , anxious for the Victoria Cross ?" m THE ONLY WAY. J: Ho was a patient and" «f 1 they were four very special special- ■> H • ists. Their fees were enwmous, and If i they had been killing him by inches. )'§' - for months, and now,.as they stood 1] ■ about his deathbed, they held a final t\ t consultation. |[ 1 "There is only one possible way to I) ! save him," said specialist No. 1, Jlf [ "and that is to make him perspire." jll "You. are quite right'.'irgreed No, »!; ,2- ' .%/ ffl '"He must do so or llie," nodded ; W No. 3. \ , O I "But how," queried No. *7 "shatt r pll :we get him to do it?"' ./ 'I Ik The great physicians regarded one* §L another doubtfully. Then tbi patient '« ; patient opened his mouth. ,1 "Just send in your bifls, gentle- }| \ 1 men,"-he whispered hoarsety- l "sen<l q| in your bills I That will.hiing it W ■on at once!" j t They met .in the street. ' U $ "Do you rememhe.r me?" *' #1 )g "Can't-say that I do." $| "Well, just ten years ago to-night '^H I asked you' for a match at this \MI corner. You gave -, it to me. I went 4*|f home, lit-the match, accidentally Mm burnt the-house down, and got one IMmfi th'Kisand pounds. insurance. lam iMR' '.-M of an opportunity to WtwJ bJu