WIT AND HUMOUR

North Otago Times, 17 December 1904, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

0 T .fiVo: I hope you talked plainly (o liini. t ll'uuljiuid: I Jid, indued. I told him lio ft was a fool—a perfect fool! AVifo (ap- j. provingly): Dear John! Hour exactly . like you! r Fair visitor (to now curate, who lias lamed i' himself falling over n croquet hoop): ii Good-bye, Mr l.'ercival, I'm so glad to seo i) you up, and next time 1 call I hope to f, find you 'out. Workman: I've been and got married, t sir, and I'd lileo you to raise me wages. Employer: Very sorry for you, hut I'm only responsible for accidents that occur • in tho works, (This is not a Walpolo joke,) ll Historian: Boy, is tin's the tickl upon ° which tho great battle was fought? Na- c tivo Hoy: No, zur; that bo it at tho top a of that hill. Historian: Doar, dew! a - That hill must be quite a juilo away! '-, (Playfully) Why ever didn't they fight it in this held? Boy: I suppose because cl this hero yield belongs to Varmcr John- K(

son. Ho never will lend his viclds for anything, not even for t' village sports! HIS BAG. She: I l.cnr that yon and Mr Brown wont shooting. What did you shoot? Ho: Oh-er-two wabbils, a dawg, and -cr—Broi/n, don't y' know! IT VANISHED. Smiley: I hear you'vo bought a nonpatent burglar alarm, Tangle. You might lot mo have a look at it. TangleI wish I could, Smiley; but-or-woll, tho fact is a thief got into the houso last night and slulo it. AS OTHERS SEB US. Green: Hear about Bifkins? Brown; No; what about him? Green: He married his cook last week, Brown: That's just like Bifkins. He'd rather fight than eat.

IiML GENIUS. Jißsmitli: Tlmt fellow Piker is certainly a clever, ingoiiious chap, isn't hoi drowning: Wliy, I never hoard of his doing anything remarkable, Jigsmith: That's just it. Ho manages in soino way to get along without doing anything. BAD HEALTH ENJOYABLE. Wags tail: Good morning, doctor. Are you enjoying good health this morning? Doctor: AVell—ei-—that's about the only kind of health a man can enjoy, isn't it? You never knew anyone to enjoy bad health, did you? Wiigstoff: Oh, yes; I've known some doctors to enjoy bad health. WHY 118 BORROWED IT. Tom: Let's see, I believo yon owo mo ton dollars. You remember ivlion you borrowed it y6u said you had just written to y-Tiir father for money? Bill: Ycb; that was tho reason why I borrowed it. I knew he wouldn't rond any. I haven't hoard from him yot. When I do I'll lot you know. WIFELY CONSOLATION. Mr Hackctt had not been as successful as ho was honest, and thero wore times whon he felt dopressed over tho failures ho had made. At such times Mrs Hackctt was, with the Ira intentions, a dubious comforter. •7. do , n '}} l^, to Iloar y° u B P eak of things m that doleful way, John," said that excollent woman on one occasion, "and I don't liko you speaking as if you thought I over really regretted our marriage.' Is it likely I would? Didn't I havo three other oilers-offora from men who were handsoino and interesting, and attractive to a young girl in many ways? And yet-I chose you, John, after all, in apito of everything everybody said. flow you jM-jour wind dwell oa ,tkt" ~,. x -■■• • - ■•... •. ■. ;. r'''»MrJ