MR. AND MRS. TIMMS.

North Otago Times, Volume XXXV, Issue 9779, 12 January 1901, Page 4

MR. AND MRS. TIMMS.

Ess Daile Plajei a Tilci; on His Wife

' I've jufet read in the local paper jvhjch is polished near; ray old hdtjie,* sijd Crabtree, 'of the death of Dave Timmt," He should have lie! s|oner, Ppor Mrs. Timms—l Wm ijiarry again.' :' Wa§ he fi tfliel husband ?' asked Mrs, Crabiree, in a sympathetic tone..

'Very, He treated his wife shameful]? fyr years, and then crowned it \yjt| $p act of infamy fojr 'tfhteh he aesef'ved the severest : 'Wat did he do?' / ' fle deceived her basely. He used jto stiy out hours «nd tKSft brashlyjie to her as to ,'when he got in. She finally found that he liad placejd some simple but irigqnuiou's ib6chafeism in the clock by the aid Of which he could make the helpless timepiece strike any hour he chose, and that the fellow was actually planning to patent it Irid place it on the market under the nam? of" Titnms' Married Man's Friend "; but she sold the clock to a 'pedlar and got a new one with which he could not tamper. After this she invariably arose and met him and pointed out the error of his way gently, but firmly, ' On these occasions he would stand with his shoes in his hand and lie unblushingly about why he was so late, Usually it was work at the office, At other times it would be a sick friend, In point pf fact he had in every instance been with' light-minded companions playing' poker and other sinful games, 'One night he came home ex- ; ceptionally late. The uncorrupted and uncorruptible clock smote the, hour of four as he entered. Sh£ arose and started down. She had been awake some little time, and had| several things in her mind to say,' That is, several new things, besides all the old ones, She tfas, in fact, pretty mad—righteous indignation/ of course. She knew lioty he had been engaged and determined that' the wretch should remember the; occasion for the rest of his days,; She could hear him foraging in the! pantry. As she reached the foot oi' the stairs she saw a little packet' lying on the floor. She picked it'up.; It was labelled 1 candy. 1 She tore off; the wrapper as she walked along the: hall and placed the find in her, mouth. As she paused at the pantry' door she saw her husband making' an assault on a piece of sponge-! calce so big that he had to hold it in; both hands, like a loving-cup. She', brought her teeth together firmly. Ij blush for my sex when I say they did l not open. She struggled, but the' words which she would have uttered —the earnest, needed words—died away in her throat. She tried again,' but her jaws remained fixed, im-' movable.

1 My dear,' said the monster before, her, swallowing a great lump of sponge-cake ih his throat, 'my dear, I admit that it is late. Far be it from me to Contend thdt four a.m. is early in the evening. But I have been sitting up with a sick friend. A dear old schoolmate. A friend of less happy days, before I was fortunately married, Alas! poor fellow, he is very ill. I fear he must go from us. Do you not sympathise with your husband in the loss of his friend, my dear? Why so reticent, love ?' But the poor wonian'd thoughts on the passing away of friends was but a minute fraction of what was that night unuttered by her. Three more efforts she made to rend her jaws asunder, but each time she failed. Then she fled upstairs. It required the aid of the family physician in the morning to give her relief,. The alleged candy was, of course, some sort of an unholy compound of concentrated adhesives prepared by the creature to whom she was linked for life. I hope he reformed before he died, but it scarcely seems probable. 1

Three Little Pigs in a Dog Kennel. An interesting case'is reported from Lillingstone Lovell, Buckinghamshire. Recently a sow belongijig to a Mr. Holton, gave birth to thirteen pigs, but she cotlld only luring up ten of them. The same ddy, how-, ever, the retriever bitch birth to some pups, these tferfe drowned, and the little pigs placed to her; and from that day io the presfent lias reared them, and th§y are extremely fond and proud of their fostermother, Her. and the three little pigs were seen together in the field a few days ago, and wherever' she goes the pigs • follow. [This is not a "snake yarn," but a "pig ym," Ed,] ... • ft A Bath in Malmsey line.

J. French " exquisites, reviving an ancient custom, are now regaling themselves with wine baths, It takes twenty-five gallons of wine to make a satisfactory " tub," but the character bf the cleanliness thus acquired is shown by the thrifty ways of the fobcjj who, after using the \Vipe, poiir it back ipto the again and agkin for further use.

A queer tale is told abo.ut the wine bath, Afj'ei'a Mfal baths h?v6 been taker! in the winfe, it spygj the liquid is dialled, "pd the result is a dglicioM brandy." v. in a butt, of which Gi&gS $ vlatfinee 0 is wiheiairiiy^. ovetlEp

A Oabb of Thanks, ' I wish to say that I feel nnder hating obligations for what Chamberlain's Cough Remedy has dona for our family. We h»ve used it In so nuny oases of conghe,. luDg troubles, and whooping oott'gh, and it has always given the molt perfect satisfaction, w feel greatly indebted to the ninnufaotura of this remedy, and wish , them to please a cent car hearty thanks.—Respeolfally, M Hg? DeiMolnei, l0W« ( £« WOb