MISCELLANEA.

North Otago Times, Volume VI, Issue 111, 5 April 1866, Page 2 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEA.

When is a man " like any other man ?" — When he corresponds with him. Which is the largest room in the world P — The room for improvement. Why had Boaz a right to be offended with Ruth ? — Because she pulled his ears, and trod on his corn. What is the difference between a Puseyite and a Baptist ?— The one burns wax, and the other DIPS. Why was Charles Lamblike the animal bearing his name ? — Because he took naturally to his pen. When is a ham like a convalescent person ? — When it is nearly cured. Why is Berlin the most lively capital in Europe? — Because it's always on the Spree. When is a clock like a discontented workman ? — When he strikes. What key is that which will never fit any lock ? — A monkey. Go to Japan says the 'New York Sun ;' you can buy a first-class house there for 30 dollars, and live comfortably in it for two cents a day. Servants charge 50 cents a month, and a horse and groom may be had for the same time for 1 dollar and 50 cents. A story is going the rounds of the Neapolitan papers in regard to prophecy made by Pio IX. when in conversation with a high Spanish personage. It remains to be seen whether his holiness is as good at a prophecy as Mathieu (de la Drome). The Holy Father says :— J Unfortunately it is to be feared that the year 1866 will be one in which a great deal of blood ! will be shed. The fire of the demagogues will hurst forth in many parts of Europe ; however, this dreadful conflagration will have finished in j 1867, when peace will be re-established, Rome j will view with grief a second enaction of the scenes ] of 1819, and the Pope will be obliged to abandon j the City of the Chuich as a fugitive. In 1867, when the Pope returns to the Vatican (?), a grand council will be assembled, and the centenary of St. Peter will be celebrated. In 1868 you will be present at my funeral. A man has just taken out a patent for luminous hats. They would, he says, preserve the wearers from being run over by the cabs at night and would to some extent enable a saving in the lighting of streets with gas \o be effected. A Fact! — The printer is the master of all trades. He beats the carpenter with the rule, and the mason in setting up columns ; he surpasses the lawyer in attending to his case, and beats the parson in the management of the de\ il. —Boston Pilot. The following order, " verbatim et literatim" is said to have been received by an undertaker from an afflicted widower : — " Sur my waif is Jed, and Wonts to be berried to-morro. At wunnor klock. U nose wair to dig the Hole — bi the Baid of my to Uther waifs— Let it be deep." A man, speaking of a friend prostrated by illnesss, remarked that he could hardly recover, since his constitution was gone. " If his constitution is all pone," said a byestander, "I do not seo how he lives at all." "Oh," responded the wag, "he lives on the bye-laws." A Good Story. — A correspondent of a Scottish paper says that the story told by Dr. M'Leod in his anti-Sabbatarian speech of the good man who did not like to saw the bone of a ham in two on the Sabbath was very ineffectively related. Probably, as Dr. M'Leod has publicly complained- of the reports which have appeared, it was not accurately taken down. Here, however, according to this authority, are the facts : — " Several pentlemen had taken for a few weeks certain salmon and trout fishings in the Lews, and, before proceeding thither, they were given to understand that, as the inn at Colarnish — the only place of upputting at their command — was miserably provided with all sorts of things in the shape of edibles, they would require to take with them a supply of bread, potatoes, beef, &c. Among other such matters was a large Yorkshire ham. On the Sunday when the party had done breakfast, the innkeeper came to them and put the question as to ' what they would like for dinner that day,' when one of them replied ; ' Yon had better cut the ham in two, and boil one-half for dinner ; the other half may be kept for boiling for breakfast.' 'Ah,' replied mine host, 'but how would you like it cuttit ?' ' Oh' replied the speaker for the party, • cut the flesh to the bone with a knife, and then take a saw and saw the bone.' ' Well, gentlemen,' rejoined the innkeeper, ' I have no objection to use a knife on the Sabbath day, but I could not use a saw.' ' Have you got a saw in the house ?' 'Yes' 'Bring it if you please.' And so the saw was brought, and so the worthy innkeeper — for a worthy man he is— cut the flesh with a knife ; and though he could not conscientiously saw the bone himself, he held the two ends of the same while the person who mentioned the circumstance to me did so to the satisfaction of all parties." — Pall-Mali Gazette. A Prophecy. — Our readers may remember that some time ago we noticed the ravings of a poor man, who had been trying to persuade the people of Auckland that he was gifted with the power of prophecy. Thi9 same individual was lately in Nelson, and we conclude that he is the author of the following effusion, copied " verbatim et literatim" by the " Marlborough Press," from a manuscript issued at Wakamnrina : — Wakamarina, Marlborough, New Zealand. February 4th, A.D. 18C6. News by The Revealation Tflagraph. May I make it known, unto the English. Colonies That England are a goin to War. "With the united States of Amarica. and England are a goin to take Franco as a Wnlkin Cane, and that Cane are two Heavy, for the the purse of England, to support, in a Long and Bloody Wnr. and in five years time, England "Will be Poverized and This Will be the Complete Downfall of Enylind. and England and France May not Think That tli8 Good GoD, of the Piophets. "Will Deliver up the Amarican People in to Their hands, and so they hard Better Stayed The War. and so I do for? "Warn All The English Colonies Prei 'are For War, for War, are clost at hand With a Powerful foe. Stop The Shipping off Gold and keep it in the Colonies and and Move all the Treasures out troin sea Ports, in order That The enomy.s great guns May not be come Master of Them. Lookout. A Friend to Tho World. J. W. M. Professor.