ABOUT TOWN

Northland Age, Volume XVIII, Issue 43, 4 March 1949, Page 1

ABOUT TOWN

You will probably read this on Friday night after your strenuous (?) day’s work, but 1 think if you just take a run over it on Saturday night, you’ll get some modicum of comfort therefrom. We will assume that you have followed my advice, as I know you will. You have been to the Show and have thoroughly enjoyed yourself as have mum and the kids. If you had any entries, they were not even placed ; if you didn,Y, what’s n matter anyway ? The kids are tiled, mum is crochety, and you’ve had it. What a day. It’s certainly cost you a few bob t o make everyone in the house happy, but that’s what itionsy is for, isn’t it ? There’s young Alfle playing up i Now that you’ve given him a larruping and sent Edna off to bed, you must feel better now. What a day ! Go and feel in your coat pocket. You know, the one you wore at the Show today ! Was 1 right ? Your wallet’s gone, eh ? Well, that just rounds off the day nicely, doesn’t it ? What a day, what a day ! ® There’s nothing I dislike more than people arguing over things they know nothing of. Was at a place the other night when divers matters came up for discussion. Things became heated. From persiflage, words became almost insulting, and, fortunately, I was not dragged in although I did know some little about the matter under discussion. Now, I knew a man who once had two cows, and believe you me, the fat returns they gave him was sufficient to keep him and his family in luxury for the rest of their days. Both cows lived to be 90. I can prove this, too. So you see what I mean. Isn’t it ridiculous?

How did you all get on witn me liUle guessing' competition 1 set you last week. I’m g'lad no one claimed > the prizes, for in the first place I’m sure the questions were all too easy, 1 and in the second place, no one would : have been paid. Hut I think another would not come amiss, do you ? ® Well, there is a gent loose in the town wiih a bandaged wrist. ] He will tell you tales both weird I and wonderful on what happened lo him and how, ail of which are hard to swallow. The tale of the cure is even better, and is certainly a classic. It seems that Hoc. Webber took the arm nearly off, turned it upside down and drained therefrom all the pus, i and then circumspectly replaced j the repulsive limb. What a pity. j It was his glass hand, too. Now, i this gent’s name, please ! <S> I have seen Curly Kitchen in some peculiar attitudes at divers times, an you can believe it, but I would have | loved to have seen him when he did his combination Hornpipe, Irish Jig, Highland Fling', cunt Cossack Dance. It seems that he was wandering some highway with his minions, when he felt Mother Nature pass him a swift one in or on the leg. Search revealed a large size in centipede up his trou- ] ser leg', and Curly stood not upon the order of the proprieties, but promptly j got to work for removal. Whether he debugged himself or not, I teluse to state, as I’d hate half the female population of the County to be following Curly, waiting for the next ! performance. Seeing that I was out of town on Tuesday night there is some excuse for the exodus of our beauties to the Sailors’ dance at i Mangonui. The Mangonuvians did ; things in style to which they are i accustomed, but what I want to ! know is, did the Navy play the ■ game, you cads. In other words, , did the Navy do the things in the i style to which it is accustomed — or uncustomed as their drinks 1 usually are. From what I can j gather, there was more than one Kaitaian that almost bit the dust from an excess of Navy hospitality—coupled with a trifle of rum, champagne and what have you. ’ | It’s a shame to waste such precij ous liquor upon palates that are ! more accustomed to the plebian ; drink of ale Horrible ! ! i : e i ® e | And whilst I’m on the subject of . i Mangonui, don’t forget to look up ■, I that advert to find out when you can _ ; see some real flowers, all you so-call-o' ed gardeners. The Mangonui flower t ; show will demonstrate just what gar- - dening is. There will be entries there . from husbands wh 0 have been driven n to producing- something in the way of i. flowers, and it’s up to you to go and .. commiserate with your fellow man. s ! To be candid, none of the ladies care whether you admire the flowers or

not. All they want is your money, and rightly so, you WORM ! ! ® / I (iml it very hard to believe, But here it is, and I’m assured it’s fact. It appears that we have come among us from Whangarei, a delectable piece of feminity, and her name is Edge, Verna cf that ilk. But the terrible part is this. She is a gum digger. Now don’t get me wrong, I said , GUM not GOLD. She is another Miss Bicuspid. The terrible part is that she is at the School Dental Clinic with a name like that. Life won’t be worth a cent to her. Imagine the kids. “Hoi, On the edge, that HURT !’’ or “That was very near the Verdge ! !” She should change her name by Deed-poll to Snogthrostle or Oswaldwhistle. That’d fool the kids. Of course, she could change it by much cheaper means. She could marry a bloke named Smith or Be , but let it pass ! ® Now don’t forget to step along to the dance after the Show in the A. and P. Hall tomorrow night. Don’t go by mistake to the R.S.A. Hall as all they have on there that night is a bowls night for member's only. The Moderr.aircs will be at the A. and P. Hall, and you might as well round off the day there and get properly tired. ® Then cn St, Paddy’s Day, the dance will be one you won’t forget in a hurry. There’ll be all the fun cf a Donegal Fair. Bound to be some Irish witticisms, and with any luck at all. there will he a trifle of shillelagh weilding, though I’ll back an Australian boxing glove against this type of offensive weapon any day. ,