The Gore-Blimie Ministry’s Bright Idea

Northland Age, Volume 4, Issue 16, 18 January 1935, Page 7

The Gore-Blimie Ministry’s Bright Idea

[Continued from Page 6] least you remember how all those d n boats and the unemployed, I mean the soldiers, came back after the war? Well those boats and those men are still idle. The war didn’t go according to plan, and here we are in a worse fix than ever. We’ve got at least five million deficit, and the taxpayers haven’t got any more money; the banks have refused to back us up, and everything in the ‘garden’s lovely.’ ” “Um yes! ” from Mr. Blimie.

‘‘Things aren’t too bright. Can’t we do some more community singing introducing such old favourites as ‘Work, Work,'Work and be Contented,’ ‘Pack up Your Troubles,’ and so on?” “Wash out!’ replied his colleague. “The crowd are beginning ‘to smell a rat ’ It’s either this Western Territory scheme or goodbye. I have it—we’ll pass a special act empowering us to raise the necessary funds, and as anything too frightful for men to do is ascribed to the Creator, we’ll call this an ‘Act of God.’ ” To make a long story short, Mr. Gore had his way, and for the next three months the Press glowed with enthralling accounts of a new colonisation scheme whereby all the unemployed could be absorbed and the monetary reformers were to have the opportunity to develop their theories. It was declared that a prospecting party under Mr. Gregson, Government Economist, had recently returned

from the Western Territory the startling information that a tract of arable and highly productive country totalling some five million acres had been discovered. Letters of enquiry poured into the Government. These were answered by wireless broadcast to the effect that an emigration scheme on a large scale was on hand, and all wishing to participate were to hand in their names and fill in form 2.H.L. The Governor-General issued a special invitation to the leader of the Opposition and presidents of monetary reform societies throughout Osmalia to accompany the first flotilla consisting of ten steamers each carrying over a thousand souls and their equipment. Following on the Government’s issue of £5,000,000 in treasury notes, business fairly boomed in the country. Farmers, mill owners, merchants and graziers all benefitted by the demand for goods ; for the Gore-Blimie Government was not doing things by halves. Everything necessary for the new venture was procured without stint even to the printing of five million bank notes for currency in the new domain. Then on a bright sunny morning in November the embarkation took place ; but let the Daily Scream reporter do justice to this in his very best style : “November 2nd came the dawn!

Heralded by the shafts of golden glory on the eastern horizon the god of day uprose in splendour, dissipating the faint mist, half revealing, half concealing the fairest scene in the .Southern Hemisphere. For today was indeed an epoch in the history of Osmalia. Berthed at the five principal wharves were the vessels that would bear over ten thousand eager colonists to their future homes homes that, God willing, would be for ever free from poverty, want and crime. The scene ashore was no less peaceful and inspiring, for commanding the broad avenue leading to the piers a death-ray machine in charge of two men in uniform could be seen, while at intervals on the streets were squads of Lewis gunners. At each wharf entrance a barrier of reinforced concrete had been erected to keep the eager crowds of sight-seers back, while the guardians of law and order were stationed at various posts en route to the ships. At 8 a.m. a bugle call rang out. Long before this the crowd had started to collect, but under pressure from the men in blue a lane was formed, and the eager emigrants marched down the streets and to their respective ships, four abreast. The complement was complete, so perfect had been the organisation and despatch. “On the bridge of the largest ship stood the leader of the Opposition, who spoke at some length ; but as the tenor of his remarks have been published previously in these columns and have been read by all devoted monetary reformers, there is little need to repeat them here. But hark! /Another bugle call! And down the street come several lorries guarded by men in blue. They carry the final demonstration of the nation’s heartwhole goodwill the nucleus of the new country’s monetary currency, the last part of each ship’s cargo, for to guard against possible loss each boat carries £200,000.

“A few minutes, sufficient to stow this valuable cargo, and now the signal for departure is given. The waiting- crowds shout themselves hoarse, and women can be seen and heard crying unrestrainedly. A final blast of the ships’ sirens and the stately

flotilla forms into a line and shape their course for the setting sun. Brothers, friends, lovers and compatriots, au revoir, or perhaps farewell, for who knows or can read the future!” Mr. Blimie heaved a sigh of heartfelt relief as he watched the receding ships. “Well so far so good!” he remarked. “I do hope, Mr. Gore, that everything will be all right at the other end.” “That,” said Mr. Gore, “is assured. Have you ever known me to fail?” Unfortunately for the Minister of Finance there was an element of the unknown and unforseen to be reckoned on, for at that precise moment from another port, an unobtrusivelooking trawler had coaled up to the hatches and was even now preparing to follow the path of the setting sun. But this trawler was not what she seemed. She had a remarkable turn of speed ; but her crew were decidedly not fishermen. Let us listen for a moment to fragments of conversation on board. “These old tubs,” said the skipper, “are duds. They have no wireless, but to be on the safe side we should wait a coupla days before looting them.” “All right Bill,” said Yankee Jim. “I guess my impatience can stand the strain. All the same I’m dead anxious to lay hands on that five million.” “We’re running a big risk. It’s only negotiable in this country.” “Well that’ll do me,” replied the other. 1

So it came to pass that for more than two days the slow-moving transports were shadowed by a faint smudge of smoke astern a smoke which none of their funnels were responsible for. And then at noon on the sth of November the smudge resolved itself into a fast moving streak which rapidly evolved into a smallish steamer carrying a crew or a dozen men or more. No suspicion of the stranger’s Intention entered into the heads of the emigrants, until a shot crossed the bows of one of their ships and a peremptory signal to stop was floated from the peak. Unarmed and without means of defence, carrying women and children, the tramps had no option. Swiftly the orders came, “Tranship your currency to this boat ; one at a time.” Sadly the captain complied, and by 5 p.m. £5,000,000 in notes had circulated from the big ships to the little one, Then the signal “You may proceed. Bye-bye and gojd luck,” and the strangers turning tail disappeared from view, bound for the shores of Osmalia.

But those shores were never reached, and the currency of the country suffered no watering by the operation of Yankee Jim and his mates. At precisely 8 o’clock that night the infernal machines so thoughtfully placed in the brass-bound boxes by order of Mr. Gore functioned, and five tons of P.D.Q., the highest explosive known to science, removed the trawler and her crew from the sphere of operation.

At the end of a month, the disillusioned members of the emigration party returned wrathfully to their home port. At the first word of their arrival, the Gore-Blimie Ministry resigned, and is members chartered aeroplanes for an unknown destination.

The Gore-Blimie plan is recommended to any Government wishing to rid itself of monetary reformers, unemployed and similar undesirables; but the writer declines to enter into controversy as to its feasability.