OUR BABIES

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXXIII, 26 October 1940, Page 9

OUR BABIES

WHY IS MY CHILD NAUGHTY ? By Hygeia Published under the auspices of the Royal New Zealand Society for the Health of Women and Children (Plunket Society). “It is wiser to put up a fence at the top of a precipice than to maintain an ambulance at the bottom.” The following talk to mothers was taken from the “Mother and Child Journal”:— If vour child is naughty. if he is selfish, if he “shows off,” it may not be altogether his fault. Perhaps you have made him like this. All children are naughty at times, of course, but where naughtiness has become a habit instead of an occasional lapse, there isj reason to suspect that all may not be, well in the parents’ attitude to the i child, and parents who honestly desire, their child’s well-being and content-, ment will ask themselves some heart-; searching questions, such as these:, “Are you nicer to one child than to ! another? Do you try to make the children do unimportant things just for the sake of showing them you are ‘boss’?” This is what the Americans call throwing your weight about, and it makes children resentful and disobedient, just as it angers grown-up people when they have to endure it from others in authority. Do you laugh at your child sometimes when he is naughty and sometimes when he is good? No wonder he is puzzled! How can he possibly know what to do in order to please his parents? Is your | attitude consistent; that is, can your child understand your attitude to right or wrong? Do you punish the children when you are angry? The story is told of a mother who was punishing her little boy very severely when a friend asked her whether it did the child any good to be smacked so hard. The mother answered, “Perhaps it doesn’t do him any good, but it does me lots of good.” Children know when they are being punished unfairly, and unjust punishment will only make them more difficult than ever to manage. Do you punish your children too severely? If you do this they will tell lies to avoid being punished. Are you always truthful yourself, both in what you say and what you do? Supposing a friend telephones and asks you, for example, to go to the pictures with her, and your boy answers the telephone; do you say to him, “I don’t want to go; tell her I have a headache”? Can you wonder if the next morning your boy has “a headache” when it is time for him to! go to school? Does your child make a I fuss at bed time? Perhaps you have i allowed him to stay up late some > nights when people were visiting you,; or to go with you to the pictures. He does not want to go to bed at the proper time in case he misses some fun. Are you letting yor little child grow up and begin to be independent of you, or are you trying to keep him a : baby? We cannot blame parents for being rather sad when they see their baby growing out of babyhood; but it is a very bad policy to try to hold back the child’s growth, to try to force him to remain a baby by doing everything for him, by talking to him in “baby talk.” Children want to do things for themselves, and if they are not allowed to try they very often become naughty. They love to “help,” and though their efforts may be clumsy 1 at first, they should be encouraged, in spite of accidents. Some parents, when they see a broken cup, something spilled on the floor, scold the child and refuse to let him help. Later on when his parents want him to be useful and helpful he will refuse, and he will be blamed for selfishness and laziness. But who taught him to be selfish and lazy? Do you talk about your child before him? Many parents do this. They ! think the child is too young to understand —he is not paying attention—or, else they do not think at all. But very little children, even babies, do pay 1 attention, and they do understand. They may not understand your words, of course, but they understand your, voice and face. They know when youi are talking about them. If you allow: your little child to hear you say to a. frined, “No, I can’t go so early.} Johnny cries if I don’t sit up with him,

till he goes to sleep,” you have taught him that he has only to cry and you will obey him. Then you say, "Father, can you make Johnny eat his porridge; ■ I can’t.” Johnny understands he has only to say, “I won’t,” and you are helpless. If you allow a child to hear, again and again in his presence that i you cannot make him obey, you cannot wonder if he becomes disobedient. j Another point—when he is within, hearing, do you describe to your friends your child’s amusing, clever i sayings and doings? That is the way to turn him into a “show-off,” wanting* attention all the time. It is natural, 1 of course, for parents to talk about their child’s ways and laugh together over the funny little remarks, he makes, but they should keep this pleasure until the child is out of earshot. Disagreements between the parents' on som e points of management in the child’s presence is another frequent cause of disobedience. If the mother forbids him to go out to play and' father, more easy going, says "Oh, let; him go; why shouldn’t he?” the child naturally feels he need not obey his, mother. Parents who eager to be good parents wil' n ver let each other down in this way. If one thinks the other has made a mistake, they will talk it over when the child cannot hear. These are only a few of many possible causes of naughtiness in little children, but they are very frequent ones. It is perhaps a novel —and perhaps unpleasant—idea suggest that' parents may be responsible for the naughtiness of their children, but parents who really wish to solve the difficulties of their children will be ready to examine the suggestion, criticise their method of handling children may be the means of finding some unexpected clues to solve this problem.