MARRIAGE KILL-JOYS

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LVI, 31 March 1923, Page 7

MARRIAGE KILL-JOYS

ADVICE THAT MAY PROVE HARMFUL "Think twice before you leap, Freda. Marriage is a real and constant happiness—if you marry the right man. If you choose unwisely, though, you might just as well he dead. Make quite certain first." Freda received this advice on the evening of her engagement. Her elder sister —who had been married three years, and consequently spoke "as one having authority"—gave it to her with all the solemnity due on such an occasion. Fortunately, Freda, who had heard the same warning very often of late, was not of a timorous nature. She laughed, and went on building her castles in the air. , Most girls have kind friends anxious to point out to them the numerous pitfalls of married life. The advice is no doubt well meant, and given with an honest desire to prevent future misery; but do the givers ever consider what effect their words may have on a girl with an impressionable nature ? The girl standing on the threshold of married life has arrived at the most anxious period of her career. She is entering into a world where everything is strange, and where all her happiness depends on one man and his love for her. It is the great turning-point, and she knows it. Once the ceremony is over there is no retreating. She can ouly do her utmost to keep her marriage vows, and hope that her husband will do the same. She wants their wedded life to be just a continuation of those wonderful days of courtship. Her love, his love, and hope—on these three things she is asked to stake her whole future. And then some well-in-tentioned friend comes along and, with a few simple words shatters everything. The warning sticks fast in the sensitive girl's mind. She exaggerated it, distorts it, imagines some of those distressing incidents she reads of being applied to herself—and perhaps breaks off the engagement. The advice given her, although seemingly trivial, opens a vista of doubt which she would never otherwise have known. She decides that the secure life she now leads is bettor than a change involving sucli risks. The advice-giving friend is to be blamed for the broken engagement. It is possible that she has destroyed the dreams of two young people "for ever. Their married life would most likely have been one of mutual happiness had it not been for her few illchosen words. It is, of course, a different matter if one has good reason to believe that the marriage will not be a success. A warning in that case is essential, but it should be given as early as possible, and be backed up by some reasonable proof. But the average couple should be left entirely free to work out their own salvation. There is no earthly reason why they should not make it a success. In any event, no amount of advice or warning from others can prevent their failure or make good the wreckage.