WEEKLY WHISPERS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 7 March 1908, Page 2

WEEKLY WHISPERS.

It litre's a hole in a' your ccals, I ride sic tent it t ..-. ••- A Ztfols Aiming ye takin notes, And, faith, he'll prciit it. „• n—Burns. Apropos to the deerstalking season :-r- --. Resident (with an elastic conscience on ths matter of game Laws, spiking on March Ziid) : I had a lovely bit of venithe season only opened to-day. Resident (in confusian); 9h, itw« bit of last seasoß'-s veriisbh. • Ifc_ had Wii well hnng, you know, as it ought to be. „ . . - p R 9 « ■ -' ■ . Here are some hints for fat girls who desire to become sylphlike. Some simple rules for reducing adipose tissuo which have beon successfully followed are:— Tbe woman who wishes to grow plim rises early ( for tod much sleep lias a tendency to increase the adipose tissue of a plump person, has breakfast at 7, . consisting of bread and butter. Luncheon at 11.30, consisting of npo fruit, bread and butter, and weak tea. A light meal at 2 o'clock, made up entirely of lean meat, say a leg of chicken or the breast of fowl, and dinner at 7 o'clock, when she can have rare roast boef and all the green vegetables she Wishes. This diet is not 6n)y for reducing, but also clears the gomp-lexion: Many fat girls have poor complexions simply because they insist upon eating pastry, cake, and all kinds of sweets. Eight or nine hours of sleep are required for rest and refreshment. Your "beauty sleep" will be in the hours before midnight. Take exercise in the open air every day, and expand the lungs and shoulders by deep breathing and erect walking. In connection with the Ballarat North mystery, a well-dressed woman, living in Ballarat East, called oil the local detective's on Sunday week, and volunteered to clear .up everything, provided she received carte-blanche in the. matter. . She had, evidently been reading "Sherlock Holmes," or some other ■ detective stories. The officers Questioned the -. woman, , regarding, her knowledge of the mystery, and, holding up a jewelled hand she replied, "I have the whole thing on the tips of my fingers! Say the word, and I will bring the whole thing into broad daylight." The strange visitor informed the detectives that she was not ai.clairvoyant, but merely a lady of commonsense, who had the detective business at heart, in the interests of the public. While she was on the Ballarat North job she might; at the same time, she said, clear np the Melbonrne Mint robbery, and the murder of Mr Bauer, th« diamond merchant. The detective informed her that a perßon of her ability was only "wasting her time" in Ballarat, whereupon she became talka- | tive. Finally the officers abruptly terI ruinated the interview. .Picking up her I parasol the lady flourished it over her 1 head, and as a partiiig shot said, "Very well, tfien, yoii can go and find the whole thing out for yourselves." * » * • • An amusing case occurred at the Perth (W.A.) Court, when Mrs Eliza Tracey, a well-known local character, ' proceeded against Edward Lyon to ro- . cover £1, alleged to be due for breach of contract of service. Plaintiff set forth that she received a letter, "As that I was wanted, your Worship, at this man's house, to lay him out, as he was supposed to be , dead." (Laughter). Plaintiff said I that she h,ad gone round to the de- ! fendant's premises, and failed to local* the corpse. She had also been the I centre figure round which a large ! crowd formed, and she was made a "holy show" of. Mr Walter, S.M. : Have you got the letter asking you to call to "lay this man out?" Mrs Tracey : Your Worship, I dropped it at his front gate. Mr Walter (to defendant) : Did you write the letter to Mrs Tracey askirig her to call ? Defendant: Certainly not. I'm the corpse; I'm supposed to be dead. (Laughter); Mrs Tracey (gesticulating wildly) : The fact is, your Worship, the whole thing has been got Up by this man and "Dryblower," a well-known local journalist. Mr Walter dismissed the case, and Mrs Tracey, with an aggrieved air, swept out of the court. • • • • * A Perth (W-.A.) senii-pliblicall— a hotal keeper with only hr.lf a license apparently — tried to" dod«e the new laws ,and "fell in." A decision was given in a case which occupied several clays' hearing against a man named Mills, licensee of the King Edward Hotel, for unlawfully selling drinks under th? pretext of "quick lunches." Mills has a hotel license to serve lodgers and borders only; not a publican's general license. The evidence showed that he offered 3d lunches — biscuits and cheese, wi.h a glass of beer thrown in — and had been doing a great business, especially on Sundays. One man, who had three meals in his own home on the same (lay, had n hrgo number of "quick lunches' at the hostel, cheese and biscuits being offered each time, and of course beel'. The P.M. fined Mills £10 and costs, and other cas?s aro pending. Mills declares that he will appeal to the Full Court, and that hosts ot hosts in Melbourne are doing just as he did, only with impunity. • # * « » Recently a test case was heard in the Summons Division of the Central Police Court, Sydney, with reference to the sn l e of fruit cases and their contents. The point invols-ed was whether in buying the fruit the defendant had also purchased the case. One of the parties in the suit, when giving evidence, said he could recognieo his cases anywhere, as he had a private mark of identification. "What is your mark?" innocently inquired the solicitor for the prosecution. "Well, jou don't think I am going to giv3 that away, do you?" said the witness, smiling in a very knowing manner. The solicitor asked him to write it on a piece of paper for the information of the Court. "Not much," returned the other; "I don't intend to give my trade secret away to the other side." The solicitor for the defence then took the matter in hand, and 'by gentle persuasion tried to induce him to make the mysterious mark. Paper was handed up, and pencils produced ; in fact, every facility was offered, but to no avail. The witness looked stolidly at the ceiling, and refused to draw the cryptic lines. Profuse promises of secrecy were then made, and a solemn pledge was given that nobody but the magistrate and the solicitors would be allowed to Bee the sign. Hearing this, the witness looked towards the IVlagistrate for official confirmation of the statement. He then mado a barrier with his left arm, and drew the mystic device, and, as he handed it to the solicitor, 'took every precaution to prevent its immolation on the altar of vulgar curiosity. "It's a trade secret," he added, in explanation," and it doesn't do to give 'em away. A part of the "white man's burden," if he be a newspaper man, is to Epend a portion of his time in explaining errors. We have to explain to-day, writes a contemporary, that in commenting upon Mrs Hardy's needlework at the Horticultural show her tablecover was a study in "storks," not "stalks." In dictating to a shorthand writer he looks for the sound of words, and it is not hard to confound storks with stalks, and as the latter have a decided affinity to agricultural shows the error is not inexcusable. Our readers will pleas© recognise that the needlework was a 6tudy in bird life, not plant life. A big, burly, fierce-looking man, and a meek, inoffensive-looking little chap were sawing timber with a cross-cut saw. A strapping Irishman, passing that way, stopped to watch them. Back and forth, bach and forth, they pulled the saw. Finally the Irishman could stand it no longer. With a hoop and a yell he rushed at the big man and brought him to the ground, burying his knees deep in the sawyer's chest. "There," he said, letting him have one parting blow on the nose, "now mer'be ye'U let the little felly , have it!" I ' • • • • General Lord Wblseley's intense dislike of swearing is well-known. He was very strict against it, and officers were careful not to offend him when he was anywhere about. He went on a tour of inspection through an Irish garrison whose commander was a hard swearer, a veteran of the mutiny days, whose early habits had clung Jo him! This commander, of course, had his

troops out for Lord Wolsele^'s inspection, and the parade .was progressing satisfactorily, when the ,_ commaridgr. gav.ij the Dugle'r an to soiina. ijie "charge." To his intense consternation the bugler blew the "retreat.." The commander could hardly restrain himself;, his face grew purple with rage> and he .braced himself for- . the usual outburst of profanity. But hefore- he- could get. started he caught Lord Wolseley's eye on him, and ■he choked the oaths back. Yet, someho.w, he had to give vent to his fee.lings. Be 1 looked jblarikly arfciindi eInJL fijs spurs into, his vhorse.'J a rid y- . ridipg .1.9 the unhappy bugler, he, yelled. a.t the, top of his voice: "Oh, you naughty, naughty bugler !" A misfortune befel a New Plymouth office boy a few days ago. After repeated warnings he was ignominiouEiy "sacked." But was he downhearted! When his employer, gave him ..the woVii of dismissal he did iiot ansfrer; Hi pulled a cigarette from his pocket, and fumbled for a match. "Got a match?' was the first thing he. said, finding that- his own stock had run out. The next thing he said was "Have a cigarette?" The employer gave the match, but refused the 'cigarette and went into his office to : laugh. He is convinced that boy is a budding philosopher. People have an idea that agricultural labourers are stunifl. There never was ,a greater afisconception, writes fir Maciiamara, M.P., lii. 'I-.+.0.' If I had a weak case to present— and- i have been in that position I would inconceivablj rather submit it to a town audience than to an agricultural one. Indeed, the only time I was let down very much was at a purely agricultural meeting in the village of Braunton, near Barnstaple. In the middle of my speech a man got up and said: "I should like tc- ask cc a question about that." I said: "Per v haps you had better wait until the close of my speech, and I'll do my be6t to answer you." He persisted, however, which brought another man io his feet, shouting: "Sit down, J.-OU ass!" An altercatipn of a wholly, per-. sonai and uriconlplimentary ..character followed between the two disputants, when a third man .got up and said.: "Sit down, both 'cc ; - you m both asses !" lii a moment of extreme . unwisdom, I turned. on the thrfie of them, and asked: -, "There seems to be- -an unusual number of asses .here ; to-nigh,t, but, for Heaven'a sake, ■ let's hear one at a time." Whereat the first gentleman, pointing a long finger at myself, returned : "Well, you go on, then. For once I racked my brain for a suitable reply, and racked it in vain. MOFPSSIUTE.