IRISH REPARTEE AND SARCASM.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 8 May 1907, Page 1

IRISH REPARTEE AND SARCASM.

FROM AN HUSH COIUIESrOXDENT, ISepartoo, or readiness in smart, witty, sarcastic ivtort, is- said to bo the highest form of wit. Thi.-so immediate and felicitous repHi-'S, these answering thrusts in mental fencing, theso illuminating flashes of quick and lively imaginations, are common -among- all classes in Ireland. On old Carlisle Bi-idiga in Dublin there was a fruit-stall, the keeper of which, '''Biddy, tho Appla. woman," was ia better known figur« than even the Lord Mayor. Shu had a ready and glib tongue, artd never allowed a verbal assailant to retire with all the honours. An American visitor, thinking to take a "rise" out of the old woman, took up ono of th© water melons' she was displaying for sale, and said, -''These are small apples you grow over here. In America we have, them twice the size." Biddy slowly removed her ''dudlnoon," or clay pipe, from her lips, and coolly surveying the jotojr from hua-d to heel, said, in a tone? of pity. '-'lYbrra what a fool j'ez must be whin yez take our gooseberries for apples." Tha Irish people are perhaps unequalled for concentrating into 'a fhras<\ an amount of bitter sarcasm. A Dublin jarvt-y, seeing a man of fashion who prided himself on his stall in handling t/ho reins, driving down Grafton-street, said, "That fellow looks like a. coachman but drives like a gentleman. John Philpot Curran was notod for hts powers of. reparteo amd sarcasm. Many of his good things in tthat line hays come down to us through tho century, There could not be a better testimony to thoir wortU, but as most of them are too well-known to need repeat ing> here-. I wi-ll simply give a few that I picked in out-of-the-way places. At a dinner table in -•.London tilie conversation turned On public speaking. Curran stated thai ha could never address an audience for a quarter of an hour without moist. mim; 1 his lips., "I have the advantage of you there. Curran," s-aid Sir Thomas Turton. a pompous and pretentious member of Parliament. "'I spoke the other j miiphi in the House of Commons fo>- , five hours on the Nabob; of Oudo. and never felt in tho least thirsty." "That is very remarkable indeed," re-plied ICurran, ''for every ond. agrees that it was th' 3 driest (speech | of the- session." Ono day Curran) was walking past the Piarliamont House in College-green, before the/ Bank of Ireland got possession of it. with a nobleman, who bad pro- j moted the legislative union by bis, votes. "I wonder what they intend j to do with that useless building?") said the nobleman. "''For myij part I hate the sight of it. Ij do not wonder at that, my lord," returned: Curran, who was anti-| Unionist. '-'I never yet heard of a 1 murderer who was not afraid of a , ghost." Currnn, as w.ill be seen| from these,! anecdotes, could say*; mordant an-d cutting Mid-rig's; but, J perhaps, no man was even insulted' wibh Buch dialectical neatness and ' irtKenlousneS9 as Curran was iy tho famous maker of '''bulls. 'j Sin Boyle Roche, in the Irish House of Commons, "Tho honourable gen-tlt?- ' man says he is tho jruandian of his own honour," said Roche in reply, to a speech of Curran; "but on the/ other occasions I have hoand him boast that he was an enemy of sinecures." Curran was defeated in a conversational contest with, Laidy. Morgan, the Irish novelist, one OTOnhi'g fin that 'lady's drawing 1 room, when, exaggerating the provailing fashion ,in short sleeves, she wore merely straps over her shoulders. 'Curran was walking a-| way from tho little party who wit-' nossed the conflict of iho two writs, ' when Lady Morgan called out, 'Ah, rome -back, Mr Curran, and acknowledge that you arc faiirly beaten," "At any rate," said he, turning round, "I have tthisi consolation 1 , , Lady Morgan, that you can't laugh at mo in your sleeve."- | Hamina ro to bed at once, for they Daniel O'Conncll's sarcastic graphic description of a lady st'ifl, cold, and formal manners is very Happy. "She has all tho tharacteristics of a poker — excepb ltd occasion'al;war|nvih." This recalls the story of tho two Irish) servants ,who discussing tho Stiff and unbending manner of tho young, lady of the family agreed that "''When Bho was a baby, her mother must have fed her upon boiled pokers, underdone!" Another happy and humorous example of sarcasm — as apart from repartee — is afforded by tH^ JoMiowing anecdote. ' I quote it on the authority of a friend, who, I am afraid, was 'the villian of the incident, A most im-, oerturbaiblo man was folio wtd from Wesnioixdand-struet, Dublin, over the o,'Connt'H Bridge to the General Pjj^t Office, iby --^wp little street arabs, who importuned him for Uie end of his e*gar> "Throw us the butt, sir! Ah, sdr! throw us the but," cried tihe youths; but as Ilia uian dkl not betray the sligHtest consciousness of their existence, i they gave him up at last in despair ■ and distrust, ''Ari'ah, lot him alojvs' 1 said one, with the most scorcMng scorn, "shure, it's a butt ho's picked up himself." I once hoard a bumptitous Little man, who acting as steward 'at athletic) sports in Dublin, was very assertive in keeping back the crowd, bhus addressed by an angry spectator: "If the consate was taken out of yex yo d be no bigger t^an a green gooseberry, and yo'ru as sour as wan already. 1 ' Tho omadawns or half-witted fcl { lows who are ;to bo met with oc- 1 casionally in Ireland— but not so ' commonly as now as :ormer;ly — arc noted for their bitter and sarcastic sayings. A fool was standing with, somo lia'bouiJcrs putting tupf it* bog when at\ unpopular land agent, I who had by his passion; and vin'diouiveness ft/he sigtnificaoti na!mi6 of 'Dapger,'' wafl seen driivqtei' al'onor tiho hifijh voad, i''Ah H.i. ' cried :the fool, -'thoi'a o'ou go, Danger, and may I nlver brrcilf'i bread if all |the turf in this bog would warm me to ye." |A fool •Wnown! as "Jim, thn omadawn." was some years ago a well-known character in Kilkw. the seaside resort in Clnre. "Now, Jim," said an

upstart to him one day; "tell me the foifffijest lie you over told, and I'll treat you to a pint of stout." "Bu mo sowl, thin." criod Jim, "I ' say yer honner's a perfect gintle; man." I A very happy cxamplo of a man , fallinis into the pit which he had > dug for somebody elso is afforded 'by 3 tho following well-known but always , fresh story of a famous repaxteo. 1 Joihn :Parsons, one of thu first I Irish Commissioners of Insolvuncy, , was travelling 1 in a coach wttih Lord i Norbury, tlh Judge. Passing a g*bi bet, Norbury s-aid with a chuckle, s "Parsows, where would .you be now . if that gallows had its due? "Ridi lwg alone, Norbury," was the quic',k : reply. The neatness and felicity of I this retort afiosds uninitiated suri prise and delight. Parsons does not i hold a conspicuous place in tho i band of brilliant witty, and humorous (lawyers and politicians who lived in Dublin at the close of the i last century, but he was the sayer : ot two; or three of the most perfcrt ■ ■'•■good things" which tho age produced. During the rebellion of 98, » country gentleman, who was suspected of being a rebel, met Ptorsons in Dublin. "I hc-ar it is rumoured that I sympathise with disloyalty; but It ia quite untrue," protested tho Squire. "It is well known that I hava a stako in tha country." '■'■Faith, if you iha.ve," exclaimed Parsons, "I'd swear there's a piko at tha end of 4t." Tbo memory of Sir Boyle- Roche has been kept green principally by his bulls." but, as his ivtort on Curran proves, ho could say bitter things ias well. Then bis invitation to an Irish nobleman was amusingly equivocal and sarcastic. "1 lvoi>e, uvy lord," said ho, "if ever you corru, within a mik? of my country house you'll stay there all night." Thero is a well-kinown repartee, which had been "iathcrod" upon many a wit, but whoso renl parentage I should likio to sot clfar hero. TJm Riov. Arthur O'Lcar.v was a famous Irish priest, preacher, controversialist, politician, and wit, who divd in London in (ISO 2. In a poU-mical contrqvorsy with Bishop Woodwardj hf wrote: "His lordship says he dons not believe in the Papist purgatory. Well, pvrhaps, he may gt> further and fare worse."---j Repartee and barcasm are most t wisely and skilfully used when they are employed in rcdiculingr hum'yugs exposing shams rebuking rudeness, punishing bullies, and pricking tho ' wind-bass of self-conceit. Chiuf | Baron O'Grady, subsequently the first Lord Guillnmorc, had a dry humour and biting wit. Tha later was so fine that its sarcasm was often unperceived by Uio object as'ainst whom it. was dineckd. A k*gal frie-nd of his, who w<as extremely studious, but in conversation e.vaspcratingl.v dull, showed tho judge over his newly-builtl house. The lawyer prided himself especially on a library, which ho had contrived for his ow.n use, so secluded from thn rest of the .building Uiat he could pore over his books in private quite securo from disturbance. "This is capital," exclaimod O'Grady, "My clear fellow-. .you could read and Btudy here from morning till night, and no human being would be one bit the wiser." Tihia recalls tihe cap'ital story told ( of the lale Farther Healy oi Bray. A very pmpous friend w a s showing Farther Healy and other guests through Ihis new house, on which ho had spent a (rood deal in furnishing and decorating. In the library the host, waving his hand towards the book-slvelves, exclaimed, "Hero, surrounded by these best friends. I feel most happy." "And I notice," sard Farther Healy, examining some of tho volumes, "that, like a true friend, you never cut thorn."