SCENE FROM THE SCREAMING FARCE, ENTITLED

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume IV, Issue 241, 13 October 1869, Page 2

SCENE FROM THE SCREAMING FARCE, ENTITLED

YANKEE GRAB, Or, ALL PRIZES, and NO BLANKS. Dramatis Persona. Candidate forSuperintendencyMr Hackeksteint Ditto Ditto Mr Giblets. Ditto Ditto Mr Soapy. Scene. — A Bar Parlor on the Port Road, on tli« table — glasses, spoons, and a dice box. For the space of two glasses, the occupants iiave been coquettiug on the subject that, has brought them together, namely, the absolute necessity that two of them should withdraw from the contest. At last, Mr Giblets makes a plunge? — Harkcrstein (he says) It is one of those remarkable coincidences that are met with but once in a lifetime 1 , that some few weeks ao'O, as I was list.U-.ssiy lounging on the «rass at my pleasant iitfie retreat in Chickabiddy Bay, thinking what a magnificent future would be opened up for this mismanaged province if I listened to the spirit that was stirring within me, and urging me onward to devote my life to the service of my country, — it was a remarkabie coincidence I say, that it should have occurred to me then that if Nelson was fortunate enough to secure my services as Superintendent, it would become incumbent upon me to make choice of a talented and energetic man as Provincial Engineer. Whilst meditating on this subject, a voice seemed to whisper in my ear, Huckersteiu's your man — Hackers tein the noble, the wideawake — Hackersteiu the promiser of promises; choose him. I listened to the voice, and decided upon adoptiuji its advice. Judjre then of the shock it was to me when I fouud an opponent where I trusted to find a bosom friend. Mr. Hacherstein. Well, I'm blowed if thai, wasn't queer, for 'twas only the other day I was talking to Joe and one or two of my other mates about this bothering Superintendent's business, and I said — " Look here, I've promised to give all the Executive the sack, and I dou't know where on earth I'm going to get a fresh lot, I've got a Solicitor all right, but I'm all adrift about the others." — ' How a! -out Giblets for Secretary ?" says Joe — "By Jinjio ! Joe you're rhiht," said I, nnd I promised to see you about it at once. You can guess how T was taken ahack when I saw you had made your uumber for Super in the papers. Mr. Soapy. It appears to me, gentlemen, to to b« quite as remarkable a fact as uny you have yet related that neither of you seems to have given me a thought. Mr. Giblets (»snle). Bother the fellow, I had forgotten all about him. Mr. Hackersteiu (aside). So had I, confound him ! Mr. Giblets. I have no wish to flatter you Mr. Harker?iein — in fact, I kuow it would be impossible with a bluff honest man like yourself — but I really think it would be an extremely fortunate thing for the. province if you would allow yourself to be appointed Engineer. And you Mr. Soapy would, I teel sure, make an excellent Hospital Superintendent and Bee of all work. Mr. Hackerstein. Excuse me for saying so Mr. Giblets, but from the cut of your jib I should say you were built for a Secivtury, beside* if ever you didn't know how to ppell a word, or were bothered about putting a sentence into shipshape, I could al ••• ays get Joe to help you. He writes first rate. My new Solicitor could look over all your letters too and «cc that they were according to Cocker. I quite agree with Mr. Giblets about making you skipper at the Hospital Mr. So«py. Mr. Soapy (aside). Here's a lark ! What a pair of would-be Superintendents! (with great diatiiiy.) Gentlemen, so convinced «m I of the Htness of both of you for the office you desire to fill that I shall »t once resign my humble pretensions. I would suggest therefore that you draw lots for the honorable office — or, Fortune indeed doth favor us, here is a dice box, utilise it gentlemen, and trust to its decision in this important matter. Mr. Hackerstein (coaxiugly). Giblets, won't you be Secretary ? Mr. Giblets (beseechingly). Hackerstein, won't you be Engineer ?. Mr. Soapy (reprovingly). Gentlemen, I would remind you that time is fleeting. Mr. Hackerstein (seizing the hint aud the grab-box simultaneously, says desperately). Here goes then / (Throws three sixes) Hurrah 1 I'm to be Super.

Mr. Giblets (desparingly). I fear that fortune is against me, but nil desperandum (Throws three aces.) Confound my luck ! (Throws again, one six and two deuces.) That's better. (Throws a third time two sixes.) A tie, by Jupiter ! How do you feel now, Hackerstein ? Mr. Hackerstein. Well I thought I had got to windward of you there, but we'll have another shy (throws two five 3 and a four), Stand ! (with great determination). Mr. Giblets after three throws arrives at a similar result. The dice are thrown seventeen times, there being on each occasion a tie, when at last, Mr. Hackerstein roars out, Confound the bones, thry won't take upon themselves the responsibility of deciding which of us is the worst man. What's to be done ? Mr. Giblets. I shall go to the poll. Mr. Hackerstein. And so shall I. Mr. Soapy. There's luck in odd numbers, so I'll go too. CHORUS OF BOTTLED TIP SPIRITS. We'll hang all three on a sour apple tree. Till Squirtis comes marching home. Curtaiu falls.