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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume III, Issue 283, 30 November 1868, Page 3

Will those gentlemen who are iv the habit of holding their* racing watches on running horsps, and who calculate so nicely what difference a few pounds more or less of weight will make in a horse's epepd, please tell us, if an elephant can make 12 miles in an hour find carry his trunk, what time be could make by having some one to carry his truuk for him ? Grocer: Well, Augustus, you have been apprenticed now three months, and have seen the several departments of our trade; I wish to give you a choice of occupation. Apprentice: Thankee, sir. Grocer: Well, now, what part of the business do you like best? Apprentice: Shutting up, sir. An instance of connubial affect ton is narrated as occuninj; lately in New Hampshire. A couple had quarrelled during the whole long term of their marri?d life. At last the husband was taken ill and evidently about to die. His wife came to to his bedside, where, after she hod seeu his condition, the following colloquy ensued: — 'Whj', daddy, your feet are cold, your hands are cold, and your nose is cold.' 'Wa'al let urn he cold!' 'Why, daddy, you're jroin' to die!' 'Wm'ul, I guess I know wat I'm 'bout!' 'Why, daddy, wats to liecum of tne ifyou die? 'Dunno, and don't cnrei Wat I want to know is, wats to becum of me?'