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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume III, Issue 54, 5 March 1868, Page 2

The man that will take a newspaper for v length of lime, and then gelid it back '* r< MiSiu' ai;d unpaid for, would Shallow a blurt dog's dinner «nd then stone tbe dog for being bliu.l — Exchauge. He would do udtve than that, lie would m*ny a fiitl on nial, «.n\ send her ba<k at. the end ol the honeymoon with the words ' Don't suit' chalked on her back. — Iron City. He would do worse than that. He would stesil the cha k to write it with, and afterwards he would use it on his shirt to save the' expense of washiuir, an I then sue his wife's father for a mouth's boarding. — Standard. Worsts yet. H»*d chase a sick rat 10 tildes over a corduroy- road, and institute a post-mortem examination after he had caught him to recover a stolen grain of corn. — Morgantown Star. What dish may you always conclude to have boen stolen, no matter on whose table you meet it ? — Poached eggs. Which is the silliest disb you can put on the table ? — Gooseberry fool. Which is the merriest ? — Caper sauce. Which is the quickest ? — Hasty pudding. And which is the coolest ?— lce cream. And which may you suppose the cook to have prepared in a regular bad temper ? — Whipped cream. Which dish is named after oue of the fathers of the human race? — Ham. And wh'ch after a country in Europe ? — Turkey. How is it possible to proceed in two opposite directions at the same time ?— By walking from the forward to the after part of a vessel while Bailing. What iB the centre of gravity?—/ The letter -V. ' Why is hope like a decayed cheese ?—\ Because thousands live on it.