The Inside Story

Northern Advocate, 15 July 1939, Page 1 (Supplement)

The Inside Story

THE ODE OF THE NORTHLAND SHIRT

by the “PRIVATE D

SOUTHLAND’S 'struggle for recognition as a province rather puts Danzig in the shade, but as far as official recognition is concerned Northland is still in much the same position as it was a hundred yeays ago. Danzig, however, seems to be on the verge of being recognised as part ol Hitler’s domain. The Private D suggests that the quickest way for Northland to achieve its object would be tc form a coloured shirt party, which could then employ the same methods which are being employed in Germany. The colour of the shirts would be a matter for careful consideration, but possibly one could be found which would not clash with the many shirts now officially recognised on the Confident. As a last resort, football jerseys could be used no doubt.

• • • • ONCE the shirt party was formed, the “away from the Fatherland”; movement could be started in earnest. I Large numbers of tourists visiting the land of destroyed bush and slipping hillsides would probably be suspected as being members of the party, but this would only add to the fun. The great octopus, the city of Auckland', would be called upon to defend its rights, and faced with the prospect of statistics appearing in the Year Book, for Auckland alone, without the support of Northland, would be enough to make the city fight vigorously fcr its life. At present if anyone commits a crime or does something meritorious in Ahipara, in Auckland, the deed is claimed to have been done by an Aucklander.

Private D offers his services as Fuehrer of the Northland Shirts, and provided he can have the use of one of the ZB radio stations he guarantees that he will create sufficient interest for the Auckland Scottish regiment to be dispatched North’ as a precautionary measure.

F is peculiar that shirts have always played a large part in the story of human progress or decline. There must be something about a shirt that stirs a human being to the uttermost depths. The sight of a racehorse with a wall-eye and three legs will cause a man to put his shirt on it and hope for the best that it will pass the post first—and, of course, it never' does, while a coloured shirt will cause nations to commence huge armaments and denounce everything within reach. It might be said that the recent history of Europe has been shaped by a shirt, and the trouble is that many of them want washing to cleanse them of the grime accumulated in the past twenty years.

JT is true that there has been some attempt to re-spruce the shirts of the world, but the washing of dirty linen in Europe has only added to the distaste of the white shirt countries. In local politics the white- shirt class —or perhaps the black coat class—have also been the object of much scorn and talk, which is another indication that shirts and, for that matter, clothing of various kinds, have always had a big bearing on the affairs of man. There is also, of course, the noshirt brigade, the nudists, who are no doubt enjoying the frost and cold, who have tried to break in on the world with varying success. Ghandi is one who does not favour a shirt, but he is an exceptional man, like the Private D.

j J3OSSIBLY the “skirts” have played ( the biggest part in shaping the j affairs of the world. Behind every 1 shirt movement there is usually the I “skirt,” though Hitler denies this. The Private D almost forgot the tremendous influence the Old School Tie has had on the world. This meagre item of apparel has been enough to cause a man to cut his fellow dead. If one wears, for instance, the tie of the Borstal Institute, then one can hardly be expected to drink cocktails with a person wearing an Eton tie; and while on the subject of ties it is safe to say that the black and white bow ties which are occasionally de-mothed and used for balls and similar functions, have been the cause of more coarse and rude remarks thanj any other single cause. This species | of tie has a habit of refusing to as-j same butterfly proportions and the result is of a nature that could not be published in such a refined column as that conducted by the Privaet D. )

rpHE stud could probably be called an article of apparel as it forms part of the dress of every man, and this small item has resulted in the verbal downfall of many a man, and his downfall in other ways, too. Most men have spent a few hours crawling in the Stygian darkness-under the wardrobe searching for the link that will mark him as a gentleman. The Private D refrains from commenting extensively on the many disasters, financial and otherwise, which have been caused by women’s dress, but he will say, while he is in this philosophical mood, that all the coloured shirts invented by the ingenuity of man have neither the same effect as the horror to be seen in the eyes of Mrs Blank as she steps out in an exclusive gown to meet in the street Mrs Double Blank in a dress of the same cut, and possibly of the same colour. Those dresses will be used for dusters

henceforth. It all goes to show that dress is the most important thing in the world to-day. Think it out for yourself.