To Raise A Cheery Smile

Northern Advocate, 20 February 1939, Page 12

To Raise A Cheery Smile

AN ANTIDOTE The open-air speaker was dealing with statistics. “Do you realise,” he cried, “that every time I breathe someone dies? “You should try cloves, mister;’ came a voice from the audience. OFFICIAL Sarcastic Gentleman (to girl behind j counter): Might this pen, by any chance, be the one with which King John signed the Magna Charta? Girl; Inquiries on the right, sir. PUNISHMENT “Madame, your confounded dog has torn my trousers.” “Naughty, naughty Fido! I must punish him severely. I shall take his pink ribbon away from him for a whole week.” SPOONERISMS Mother; With food prices so high, don’t you think it a bit extravagant, Harold, to eat both butter and jelly on your bread at the same time? Harold: Why, no, mother,-! think it is economy. You see, the same piece of bread serves for both. ECONOMIST Arriving at church one Sunday morning a man found a stranger sitting in his seat. “Excuse me, but you’re occupewing my pie,” he said. “I’m sorry,” said the stranger, “but I was sown into this sheet.” SOME SPRINT The train was pulling out from the platform and the old man was just, settling down comfortably.’ Suddenly the door burst open and a young man tumbled into the carriage and seated himself, panting and puffing, opposite the old man. The latter looked oh with obvious disapproval. “You must be very unfit, young man,” he said after a while. “Why, when I was young I never got out of breath and panted like that after a run.” “Perhaps not,” retorted the other, “but I missed this train at the last station.”