Give Yourself A Good Laugh

Northern Advocate, 24 December 1938, Page 4

Give Y ourself A Good Laugh

WELL-EARNED. The doctor was of the opinion that three days in bed would put him right. His father decided that convalescence should be accompanied by a few well-chosen words on greediness from himself. His mother sagely remarked that boys will be boys, and coupled this with a reminder that Christmas comes only once a -year. But he himself thought it was worth it. It was not until his tenth helping that the six* pence in the pudding reached his plate, and, as he had often been told, you can’t expect to get money in these days without earning it. * » * • OBVIOUSLY. The fluent preacher had given a calk on heavenly crowns and how to get them. Turning to a lad who had been listening intently, he asked. “Now, James, who shall get the biggest 'crown?” Said James, with the light of intelligence in his eyes, “Him that’s got the biggest head.” • » • * HE WAS PLEASED. “I would like to got of! early this afternoon.” said the clerk on Christmas Eve. “My wife wants me to do the shopping with her.” “It’s not at all possible,” said the

employer

‘We’re very busy, as you

know.” “Yes, sir,” answered the clerk. “I am extremely thankful, sir.” * * W NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. Elderly Spinster (sitting under mistletoe): “My dear, what do you think; that man going through the door actually attempted to kiss me! He must have been taking too much. And now the wretch has rushed away!” Miss Flappbr (sweetly): “Don’t w r orry, dear, another one will be coming along soon.” * • » • A LONG TIME GONE. “You probably don’t remember me,” began the self-made man proudly, “but twenty years ago when I was a poor, humble boy, you gave me a message to carry.” “Yes, yes," cried the busy man; “where’s the answer?” A GAY AFFAIR. Everyone had put on their gayest apparel to grace the gathering. Mother in her black velvet, lent dignity to the proceedings,, and sister’s party dress added a splendid touch of colour. And the cousins vied with one another in looking their brightest. But everyone agreed that the brightest note of all was struck by the cummerbund of father's gift cigar.

Some Christmas Limericks

Yuletide is the season for greeting, Old friends are all happily meeting; Keep some of your store For the poor near your door, When a jolly good dinner you’re eating. There was a young lady of Wye, Baked a beautiful Christmas mine pie; But the family found, When the dainty went round. Each one feeding the dog on the sly. Though many men thought her a dear. From kisses Jill always kept clear: Till she took my advice, Now she finds them quite nice; She’s a large mistlctotal this year. There was a young fellow named Smith, Who waged war on the Santa Claus myth; But ere Christmas came round, Out of work he was found. And Smith got a job as the myth. A careless young housewife in Crewe, Stuffed the turkey, but upset some glue. Her guests sat repining. It suspended the dining. Till a dentist Had sawn their teeth through.

FOUND OUT. Acre (beaming): “Hurrah! Hurrah! At last I’ve found Payneall out.” Field: “Oh! Is he dishonest?” Acre: “No. He's a dentist!” * • » * NO SALE. “Can’t see why I should buy your book,” said the farmer to the persistent canvasser. “Why, it will show you how to be a better farmer.” “Listen, son,” said the elderly man, impressively. “I’m not half as good a farmer now as I know how to be.” * * * THERE’S A LIMIT ! The Christmas play was of the most dramatic character, but the great scene was that in which the hero confronts the sneeringly triumphant villain. “Sir Marmaduke,” he exclaimed, “You have reduced me to beggary, broken the heart of my aged mother, and eloped with my wife. But beware! Don’t go too far!” » » • • TIMES CHANGE. “People are not nearly so formal ns they used to be.” “No,” said Mr. Chuggins. “Nearly every time I go out in the car policemen to whom I have never been introduced don't hesitate to speak to me.”

JUST WHAT SHE DIDN’T WANT. She had a practical mind and prided herself upon the fact that the presents she gave were always eminently useful. White elephants were animals that she abhorred. And she expected that her friends would bear this in mind when choosing their tokens of esteem for her. A gift, she maintained, should be determined by the tastes of its recipient. ' Her own tastes were artistic. She had neither skill nor inclination for odd jobs about the house or garden. That was why she was so annoyed when, on Christmas morning, she found the ladder in her stocking. * K V * CRUEL. Coleen: “Why is Hortense so angry? The papers gave a full account of her wedding.” Clarabelle; “Yes, but they put in that ‘Miss Powell was married to the well-known collector of antiques’.” * n * * ROARS OF LAUGHTER. Wo bought a shirt that wak advertised to “Laugh at the Laundry” and ft came back with its sides split.