ARKS for the RIVER JORDAN

Northern Advocate, 8 February 1936, Page 8

ARKS for the RIVER JORDAN

The Inside Story

JT never rains but that it pours in

the North, apparently. The seasons have become confused, and us with them. I used to worry about my floating kidney, but now that my whole being floats regularly every week, the smaller anxiety is lost in the greater. Everybody seems to have some remedy or control for our floody visitors, with cuts nearly as much talked about now as they were when

By the Private D.

retrenchment, and not redrainage, encroached so much into our pockets. I would suggest the construction of a number of arks, to be moored near the River Jordan. These could be manned by assisted emigrants brought from Palestine, and no doubt arrangements could be made for overcoming quarantine restrictions and procuring the dove of peace from Addis Ababa or Rome. By the way, this bird, if properly trained by the local Homing Pigeon Club, could be of inestimable value in maintaining communication in the North, to fill the breach left by our telephone and telegraph service, which has been so sadly defunct this week.

jgMERGENCY regulations should be

added to the short list which now governs the incomings and outgoings of inspectors, prohibiting the dehorning of Northern cattle; otherwise how can swimming stock be lassoed and towed to safety? The horse which breaststroked from the Jordan Valley to high ground at Apotu, a distance of a mile and a half, should be retained as an instructor at a special academy of animal aquatics, while, in future, judging in show rings should provide points for buoyancy in water, rather than for dairy type.

gEVERAL farmers, . who had hay rakes and other such machinery on order, sought permission to alter the consignment to hillside ploughs and tractors. That was last week, but there is many a slip twixt the furrow and the ploughshare, and scoops may be the next line to spring into popular demand. All through, it has been a victory for the horse, even against the puffing steeds of the great iron way, and so it will be until some other Stephenson patents a machine of the amphibian variety.

J>UNY man’s efforts to defeat the water god—tarpaulins topping hay stacks, which are standing in deep water! Now is the opportunity for a farming genius to devise a way of preventing saturation from the bottom and sides as well as the top. Would cows take kindly to hay -stored in old beer barrels? Perhaps the association would create a bovine thirst, but that should be easily overcome. “If I had a cow which would give such milk—!”

JJOW a dog broached the wall, which was protecting a Whangarei butcher’s shop from the inrush of the flood waters early on < Sunday morning, was one of the amusing incidents of a drear night. It belonged to a constable, who was on point duty, patrolling the watery way. Every now and then his canine companion disappeared round a certain corner, and appeared to enjoy himself immensely, diving into the water, which was swirling past the shop. His master

imagined that Fido was snatching titbits as they floated out from the meat room, but further investigation disclosed that the butcher, before leaving his premises to the storm, had blocked the lower ventilators with a mixture of mutton fat and lard. This smelt tasty to the alert dog, but every mouthful he swallowed widened the gap, which the butcher had so ingeniously blocked, and let through another few gallons of discoloured H2O.

S IX fowls in Walton Street received

their annual bath on Saturday night. With the flood sweeping down on the pen. their owner rescued the poultry, and, on the spur of the moment, was struck by a brilliant idea. The swimming and wading season being at its height, the household had no use for the bath, and into this he thrust his feathered fancies. When it became necessary to evacuate the premises at 11 o’clock, he took one last look in the bathroom, which by then was covered to a depth of several feet, but still the bath itself stood out —the one dry spot—and yet usually a wet one. Next morning the unwebbed ducks were still able to cackle, and, pst as a token that their preservation was appreciated, dropped a couple of breakfast delights into the huge enamel nest.

J SEE that the new Minister of Edu-

cation is considering a thorough overhaul of the education system. To counteract the lack of amenities under which the country children suffer, the provision of swimming baths at backblock schools may be contemplated. If our early 1936 climate perseveres, it should not be necessary to change the water in these baths; nature will do that without any extra impost on the national resources.

all the sweepings and pour-

ings of last week-end, the children slipped back, almost unnoticed, to school on Monday, at least some of them did. Many arrived at places of learning only, to find that their holidays had been prolonged because there was no one to teach them. Imagine the disappointment of the five-year-olds, at last given their first day in the primers, only to be deprived of that pleasure! Perhaps some of the older students did not shed such bitter tears.

rpHIRTY or more years ago the col-

lecting of autographs .of stage favourites and other notabilities was a positive craze in the Old Country. Mr Rudyard Kipling was frequently pes<tered by collectors, but he refused his

autograph, save in very special cases, for he knew that there was often a commercial side to the practice. His adamant determination being well known, a good deal of interest was taken privately in a bet made by one of his neighbours in Sussex that he would obtain the coveted signature by return of post. He wrote to Mr Kipling complaining that the latter’s chickens, were in the habit of coming into his garden and scratching up the vegetables, and that unless the nuisance ceased he would be compelled to take legal action. The poet of Empire rose to the bait (and who would not?), replying that his chickens were kept enclosed, and that it could not possibly be his birds that were responsible. So the neighbour won the bet.