By PRISCILLA CRAVEN.

Northern Advocate, 9 January 1920, Page 3

By PRISCILLA CRAVEN.

We all know the saying about "where ignorance is bliss"—i s it folly then to confess to having sown a few wild oats?" Should a man or woman own up to their indiscretions before entering into matrimony, for I take it that is the only time the question arises? Two facts I think, in this connection must be frankly faced in any discussion on the subject. Apparently in the good old days when women led secluded lives, any confession of wild oat-sowing on the part of a man seems, according to the literature of the period, to have: been an overwhelming shock to the woman he loved. She i s represented as shrinking from him in horror, and only with great difficulty and many prayer s was she brought to forgive him and take him back into her heart. Well, nowadays women mix freely with men, and know not only the strength of their temptations hut in many cases experience the same temptations themselves. Women today are not so easily shocked. A second point—the woman who had any wild oats to hide used to be apparently something of a rarity— or did she really keep therm secret? But there are a considerable number of women nowadays who consider they are' entitled to sow a few wild oats before settling down into matrimony. WILD OATS ARE LIKE GHOSTS. "If a man sows wild oats, why shouldn't we? I want to know some, thing of life before taking on my life's partner," is their attitude. This must necessarily make a great difference to a woman's point of view when it comes to receiving a confession from the man who is proposing marriage to her. Even if she herself is as pure a s the driven snow she is not unacquainted with a man s difficulties. The man's old-fashioned shamefaced stammer of: "You can never understand," i s no longer applicable. If a man feels—and after all, it is largely a matter for individual judgmen t-_that he would like to be per. fectly honest and truthful with a woman, he should, I think, be able to tell her everything simply and naturally sure at least that she is not stupidly ignorant and censorious. For generally, as the French proverb has it, to understand is to pardon. Then there is the question of expediency. As we sow so must we reap; no one can live unto himself alone. Wild oats are like ghosts, they often come to haunt us when we least expect them, and it is sometimes dangerous for a man or woman not to confess in good time. There are a good many people so consituted that they can find it in their hearts to forgive if confession is voluntarily made, but who turn to granite when they accidentally stumble on reminders or consequences of past indiscretions. Some woman, for instance, will idealise' a man, and if a man lets this continue for years-he probably finds it rather agreeable—and then she discovers that her husband is a very ordinary sort of man after all, he may find it difficult to repair the damage in the home. She will always feel that somehow she has been cheated. , Then surely a great deal depends on the nature of the reaping? There are some consequences that a man or woman should not attempt to keep secret from their life partners. I was reading a novel recently in which a high-souled woman thought it wrong to marry a man who, when proposing, told her that he had had a child by a previous love affair. She thought he ought to marry the mother even though the woman refused to marry him, and the man had amply provided for both of them In this case both the man and the first woman had equally sown their wild oats. Personally, I think the girl took up an absurd attitude, but in such case I consider that the confession had to be made. The consequences had been too far-reaching. "But what about the third party? said a man the other day when the subject came up. (A young wife we knew had rushed home to her parents because she had, through opening a letter addressed to her husband, discovered evidence of an old intrigue that had long ago settled down into a comfortable friendship.) j»H the husband had told his Wife about this woman she would have been almost certain to have found out the name—you know how clever women are at this jig-saw game— and then the woman would have been compromised. I shouldn t tell my wife a single thing about my past. I should think myself a cad if I did. This is a difficulty, isn't it? Many a man hesitates to implicate another woman. But in such a case the only advice one can give is—if you cide to keep your wild oats secret— and after all, your past is your past -see that they are really kept secret Lock the door with all careful and reasonable precautions and throw away the key! And don't talk in your sleep! It should be borne in mind by those ' who are apt to be hard in their judgments that wild oats are not always —I fancy, quite seldom—sown in viciousness. . . j They are generally sown in mcx- ■ perience, in youthful carelessness, sometimes in a genuine desire to find out what living means. I know a man who is an excellent , husband in every way, and who says suite openly that bis wild oats ' taught him the true values of life and that the girls with whom he used to racket about made him appreciate [ " his wife's higher outlook. There are many fine and useful men and women in the world who have risen on their "dead selves to (better things."