HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 63, Issue 60, 12 March 1938, Page 11

HUMOUR

Substitute A naughty boy was sent by his mother into the garden to cut a switch with which his mother said she would punish him. When he returned he said: “I can’t find a switch, mother, but here’s a stone vou can throw at me.” » ♦ ♦ ♦ Laggard in Love A young man walked thoughtfully into the village post-office. •‘Any letters for me to-day?” he asked the postmistress. -No, Henry,” she replied, rather sharply. -That’s strange,” he murmured, half to himself. "Nothing strange about that, young man,” replied the postmistress. ‘‘You haven’t answered her last letter yet.”

"I beg your pardon but was it you who ordered a bath to measurement! ’ 1

Silenced * A pompous old man was having a house built, and during its erection insisted on attending regularly and criticizing the workmen. One morning, noticing a bricklayer halving bricks with his trowel, he % said; “Surely, my man, in these modern days that is a very primitive way of cutting bricks?” "Why—no,” the man replied, •'there's a much more primitive way of doin’ it.” “Really? And what is that?” "Bitin* ’em, mister.”

"Do you know you’ve parked your car without the lights being on?”

The Man: "Whether marriage is a failure or not, I certainly think some are more fortunate than others in what they get.” His Wife: "I quite agree. For instance. you got me but I got only you.”

"All right, I agree to your coming here on the first of January!”

Belief A woman rushed excitedly to a house in a Yorkshire town. She knocked once very nervously, but there was no reply. A second knock produced no answer Presently the window above was thrown open and a woman’s face appeared. The woman below looked up and exclaimed, hurriedly: "Mrs Otis, your husband’s got a month’s imprison%incnt. ” * Oh, dear me, Mrs Blunt,” replied the other, u ’ow you did frighten me! 1 thought it was the man after the rent

pleasure in introducing you to the famous professor Brown who will talk to you on 'How I strive against nervous-

A Tragedy A small girl suddenly burst out crying at dinner. "Why, Betty,” said her mother. “What’s the matter?” “Oh,” sobbed Betty, "my teeth trod my tongue! ”