Round The World With A Camera

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 258, 30 October 1937, Page 11

Round The World With A Camera

HUMOUR Smart *‘How did you make your neighbour keep his hens in his own yardf” “One night I had half-a-dozen eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that.’* ♦ ♦ + ♦ “Admit, my dear boy, that it’s a fine thing to have a lovely woman in your arms.” “Yes, the trouble is that one ends up by having her on one’s hands!”

Tfr There was a man who would not sell his house!

All Square. Til® railway compartment contained two men, and a very cold wind was blowing. One insisted on having the window open. His fellow-passenger complained, but to no purpose. At last the man who had complained opened the other window. The freah-air fiend glared. “What ’b tho game?" ‘ ‘ Draughts, * * was the reply, * ‘and it’s your move.”

The best fishes do not make for the shore.

A -woman interested in good works ran a Sunday-school class in her village. Sho asked her husband on his next visit to the nearest town to buy her a text for the schoolroom, but after he had departed she remembered she had not told him the wording of the text she wanted, nor the size, so she wired to his hotel:— "Unto Us a Child is Born 3 Feet Long and 4 Feet Wide."

When the baron goes fishing!

Unfair. Two fishermen sitting on a bridge, their lines in the water, made a bet as to which would catch the first fish. One of them got a bite, and got so excited that he fell off the bridge. "Oh, well/* said the other, **if you're goin~ to diVc for them, the bet's off I*

* What's that you’re reading f’ 1 “It’s Mussolini T s book: ‘Live dangerously’l ’* Down a Peg The film critic was unimpressed by the actor playing the he-man role. In his review he wrote: — * ‘Hia idea of how a he-man should be played was to throw out his chest three inches and follow it slowly across the screen.’ * ❖ «8> <i> "Who was that little girl I saw you with, Tommy? " I dunno, Daddy. I just pulled a bag. of toffee out of my pocket, an’ there she was.'*

HUMOUR { Bull’s-Eye. After opening the village fete, the Bishop was persuaded to take his stand at the wicket in the cricket match which followed. For the first ball the bowler, a young curate, bowled a feariful “wide." *‘l say,” remarked the Bishop, “do try to keep the ball in the parish/* The next ball broke short and caught him fairly and squarely in the stomach. , “At any rate,” murmured the bowler, “that was well within the diocese, my lord.”

“Yes, the head is quite a good resemblance but his legs are really not so long!” A frequenter of one of our betterknown seashores noticed a man who went bathing every day with a straw hat on his head. Upon inquiring the use of this seemingly superfluous piece of headgear, he received the reply:— ‘‘You see,*l’m not a very good swimmer, and when my hat begins to float I know I'm out of my depth.”

“Hallol Inspector Thomsen speaking. Send the patrol car, 1 have caught 'Big Bill/ ” “It was so cold where wo were," said the Arctic explorer, “that the candle froze and we couldn’t blow it out/* “That’s nothing,” said his rival. “ Where we were the words came out of our mouths in pieces of ice, and we had to fry them to see what we w T ere talking about.”

“l couldn’t get hold of any " bridesmaids, so I starched the veil]”

Mrs Green was putting in a good word for her husband at the gossip party. “He’s very generous, you know,” she said. “I gave him n large box of cigars for his birthday, and, would you believe it, he only smoked one of them and gave the rest fo his friend-.”

‘‘Does Madam wish to try the ne umbrellaf ”

One of Britain's popular blonde beauties, a London actress, received in her dressing-room a woman admirer who had called to “talk art.” The conversation had fallen flat, due largely to the fact that the beautiful blonde would talk of nothing but herself. Finally, the visitor turned in desperation to an old stand-by. “I suppose,” she said, “that your great ambition is to play Shakespeare!” “Well,” said the actress, “he has written some nico parts.”