Round The World With A Camera

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 69, 23 March 1937, Page 14

Round The World With A Camera

HUMOUR

Wilkin* felt he could never Oikj Valerie to become his bride because she« was an angel, whereas he himself had many little weaknesses of which no angel would approve. Valerie, on the other hand, kept thinking it was about time he popped the question. Then, one moonlight night, he spoke up. “Valerie, w-will you m marry me?” he stuttered, hardly daring to hope she had heard him. “You bet!” she replied, briskly. “I know, d-darling, I know,” he almost wept, “but if you’ll only say •Yes’ I'll never back another horse as long as I live! ”

Flapper (romantically): **Oh, mother, I want to rise to higher things. I want to act for the films and reach the topmost rung of the ladder. Mother: “That’s the spirit, Elsie. Now climb up this step-ladder and put «p the clean curtains.”

“Johnny,” said the minister, “eve.*y time I hear you swear a cold chill runs down my back.” “Gee,” said Johnny. “If you had been at my house the other day when Dad caught his nose in the clotheswringer you’d have froze to death.”

“That’s a queer pair of stockings you have on, Pat—oue red and the other green.” “Yes; and I’ve got another pair like it at home.’'

A motorist was driving through a busy town when suddenly a dustcart ahead of him turned down a side-street without warning. Narrowly escaping a collision, the angry motorist shouted, “Why tho deuce didn’t you hold out your hand to show you were going to turn?” “Don’t talk so daft, man,” replied the dustman. “I always go down this street! ”

A French composer was touring the United States, and his itinerary included a visit to the music school of one of the universities. One of the professors of the school had been delegated to meet him at the railway station. On bis way he realized that he knew no French and that pos sibly the musician could not speak Euglish. When the Frenchman stepped from the train, the professor could recall oniy one French phrase; and so, as he sh »ok hands, he almost shouted, “Pate de foie gras! Pate de foie gras!” The Frenchman looked at him in perplexity, but, graspiug his hand, exclaimed, “Kos bif! Eos bit!”

HUMOUR j

Out of Key A quartet of longshoremen were sing-* ing on the waterfront when the tenor fell off the dock into the bay. The incident passed unnoticed by the leader, but he realized that something was wrong with the harmony. ** ’Smatter with you boys?” he complained. “One of you don’t sound right. ’ ’ “It’s Jack,” rumbled the basso, solemnly. “He’s off quay.”

A Scotsman and an Englishman fought a duel in a dark room. The Scotsman, unwilling to go the length of actually taking the other man’s life (although the quarrel had been a mortal one), relented, and fired his pistol up the large chimney that was in the •ourm His adversary was dead when the doctor arrived.

Fussy A bricklayer was working on a scafr fold when suddenly & brick slipped from his hand and dropped on to th# head of a workmate, who was mixing mortar below. The unfortunate man started dancing about and groaning. The bricklayer started down, contempt in his eyes. “Come ,come I” he yelled at last. “It can’t have Hurt as much as that, mam Why, it wasn’t on your head half second! ”

Urgent. A young surgeon received a telephone call from a colleague, who invited him to make a fourth at bridge. “Going out, dear?” asked his wifOn sympathetically. “I’m afraid so,” was the grave reply. “It’s a very important case. There are three doctors there already.”

Progress It was tho ninetieth birthday of tho grand old man of the village, and a number of his friends had gathered at the inn to congratulate him. After listening to their speeches the old man rose to reply: for your compliments an’ wishes. Oi cau’t grumble ’cept for rheumaticky puius, Ther’s one thing Oi can say an’ be thankfu’ for—Oi’in stronger on xny le-s now than Oi wcu- n-.netv years airo. ”