HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 55, 6 March 1937, Page 9 (Supplement)

HUMOUR

All down one street he went without ’making a sale. He determined to try a new method. At the next house, a grumpy woman answered the knock. “Have you a Charles Dickens iu your home?" he asked, politely. “No!" snapped the woman. “Or a Robert Louis Stevenson?” “Nol" 4 ‘Or a Walter Scott!" continued the canvasser, hope dawning in his eyes. 4 4 N0, we ain’t," said the woman, sharply. 44 And what’s more, I don't take in lodgers. Try next door; they do."

All through a football match an enthusiast had loudly urged the home team on to victory. Finally, he became hoarse with shouting. Turning to his pal, he said: “Lumme, mate, I believe I’ve lost my voice." 4 4 Don’t worry," was the reply, “you'll find it in my left ear-holA"

The doctor met Mrs Brown in the street, 44 And how is'your husband sleeping, now, Mrs Brown!" ho asked. 4 ‘Did you give him the sleeping draught." “Yes, sir," she replied. "You told me to give him the amount I could get oa a three-penny bit, but as I hadn’t any silver I used three pennies, and he’s been fast asleep for five days."

Schoolroom Smiles Some recent “howlers":— Phoenix was the name of a funny cat that used to be popular on the films. Itinerary is the number of mugs needed on an outing. A saleroom is where you wait to catch the boat. The Merry Monarch is just another name for Old King Cole. A cosmopolitan is a ghostly visit from another world. Eulogy is another name fer an epitaph. Extinct is a bad or doubtful odour A coma is what you need to punctu ate essays with. A handicap iB a cloth bonnet of sonif sort.

Rummy The outside of a temperance hotel in Birmingham is not unlike the appearance of a tully-licenseu hotel. At any rate, so thought a man who wus still suffering from the effects <Jf “the night before." It was early ui tho morning, so feeling the need of a reviver, he pushed his way iuto the bar. 44 Rum, hot, please," he ordered, “It’s temperance here,” explained tho waitress. “Tenpence? I sha’n’t pay that!" And out he lurched to find a cheaper