HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 61, Issue 188, 11 August 1936, Page 5

HUMOUR

What Did it Matter? ; The now proprietor of tho village storo was Isaac Isaac. Business was not good, and Isaac stood at the door one morning gazing gloomily at v the all but empty street. A little girl who had just turned the corner paused uncertainly before him, a crumpled pound note in one hand. Instantly Isaac was all smiles. *‘l say,” began tho little girl, “does my mummy owe you a pound?” “She does,” said Isaac, “And—and whose little girl are you?”

Mr Silver was surrounded by friends* And how must friends be entertained! By some sort of story, surelly. Silver thought for some time, and began: “I don’t know if any of you knew it, but I’m going.to Mexico next month!” “You are really going< to MexicoS ’* "And why shouldn’t I go. to Mexico!” asked Silver. In the manner of friends they r»* plied:— “Every other man dies of malaria. ** “It Is simply unbearable with poison* ous fleas.” "You have to go to bed with a revolver in one hand.” ’ “What’s more, Silver, very few people ever como back.” And then Silver exclaimed, heartily: “Well, boys, Uncertainly ..is ,a lucky thing I was lying!”

An old dear was giving a good deal of trouble at a London terminus. “I want my train,” she said to a port* cr. “Whore to!” he asked. “That my business,” she replied. Several other porters tried to help her, but she gave the same reply each time. In desperation, they fetched the station-master, who told her he must know where hso was going before he could put her into her train. “Very well,” she replied. “I’m going to Birmingham.” “Hurry up then, madam; the train is about to start,” said the official, and ho bundled her into the train. As it moved out, the old dear put hot head out of the window. “Ever been had!” she shouted. “I'M, going to Plymouth!”

"If you move, I shoot! ’’ The police-sergeant looked at the newest recruit and shook his head. ‘ ‘You have been in the Force for several months now, and never brought in a case," he said. The constable hung his head. “ i -' “Now," went on the sergeant, “the Squiro up at the Hall has just 'phoned to say that somebody is stealing apples from his orchard. Go up there to-night and watch for the thief.” After watching near the Hail for some time the constable saw a .man slinking along with a sack on his back. He pounced on him, opened the sack, and emptied a quantity of silver on to the ground. “H’m,” ho said, after surveying the spoils, “my mistake. You can thank your lucky stars it wasn’t apples.” «> <s> <v <s> Meatless A particularly small but very dapper man was walking along .Regent street between two fashionably-dressed women. Two urchins who happened to be passing gazed at them and grinned. To the obvious embarrassment of the escort, one of the boys said: “Aint’t much ham in that sandwich, is there, Bill!"