HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 60, Issue 133, 8 June 1935, Page 9

HUMOUR

“Modesty!” ho ejaculated. . “Yes,” she explained. “I’ve no dc-l sire to shine in public.” <®> <s> <s> <J> Knowledge. Sweet Young Things; Do you sell cocktails? Waiter: Yes, miss. “Well, bring mo a ginand vermin, please. ’ ’ <S> <s> ■s> <s> Inevitable. “I hear that Jenkins and his wife had a-row over tho kind of car they should buy; he wanted an open one and she a closed one. Anyhow, the incident is' how closed.” “So is the car—l saw her in it this morning.’"

Badly Put,

.The chemist was in a had temper. He had told his assistant to have a new sign painted outside the shop, and when he saw it he was furious. “You’re a fool!” ho raved. “But the sign is beautifully done,” said the assistant, puzzled. “It may be,” snapped the chemist. “Hut who’s going to rely on us when our sign reads: “In making up prescriptions we dispense with care”? <»> <S> <s> <?> Couldn’t Think. Emigration Official: Married or single? Applicant: Married. Official:' Where were you married? Applicant: I don’t know. Official: Don’t know where you were married? Applicant: Oh, I thought you said “Why.”

Tip-Top. “Ere you are, ladies and gentlemen,” shouted the raucous-voiccd tipster. “What did I tell you yesterday?” Nobody answered the question, and the tipster resumed his shouting. “Didn’t I say' Broad Bean wasn’t a runner?” he yelled. “And didn’t I say Water Tap would still be running, and that Dusty Carpet would take a lot of beating?” Still there was no answer. But the powerful-voiced man was not dismayed. “Now,” he cried, “I've got a certainty for the next race. Back Loose ' Button; it’s sure to come off.”

Sure Proof. The Hayes were discussing their neighbours. Does 1 rcenom own his house, or does he rent it?” she asked. “Oh, heTents.it,” replied hubby. --'-“How do you know?” she went on. He shrugged his shoulders. “Simple deduction, my dear," he replied. “Ho lights his matches on the walls of the rooms.” <S> <•> <*> <£ A Lancashire football team recently beat their opponents by thirteen goals to twelve. The losers, v/c understand, immediately demanded a recount.