HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 60, Issue 92, 20 April 1935, Page 9

HUMOUR

Gardener’s Boast. “A lawn—l did it!” <S- <3> <s> <SThose Anglers. A man who claims to be the smallest in the world is just under three and nhalf feet in height. It is said he receives letters from anglers all over the world asking if he will be photographed holding fish they have caught. <*> <*> <£> Horticultural. A popular novelist is addicted to gardening. Always thinking of his plots! <j> <-> <♦> Parlour Prattlo. “So you think this would be a good time to speak to your father?’’ “Yes, lie’s got his shoes off!” <•> <S> <S> <*> In The News. “Dolly is coming to the fancy dress dance in a dress made of newspaper.” “Really, I suppose it’s the only way the poor girl can get into print.”

Cure-ious. Wife: Oh, darling, one of the goldfish is in a dreadful way—almost dead. Can it bo cured, do you think? Husband: H’m, I don’t see why not. They cure schnapper, don’t they? <*> <B* <S> <S> Keeping Count. Mother wanted to spend Saturday afternoon shopping and father —a statistician—reluctantly agreed to abandon his golf and spend the afternoon with the three small and energetic children. When mother returned father handed her this: “Dried tears, nine times; tiefi shoes, 13 times; toy balloons purchased, throe a child; averaged life of balloon, 12 seconds, cautioned children not to cross street, 21 times; children insisted on crossing street, 21 times; number of Saturdays father will do this again, none.

Not Retiring. Doctor: You should take a bath before you retire. Patient: But, doctor, I don’t expect to retiro for another 20 years yet, <s> w <s> <3> Garrulous. He: I understand that kisses are the languago of love. She: Yes. He: Well, let’s talk thing over, <S> <♦> <•> Safety Measure. He: Isn’t it about time baby called me daddy? She: I've decided not to let him know who you are until the little darling gets a little stronger.

Poor Service. “That milkman of ours seems to fee getting all mixed up in his deliveries.” “Doesn’t he leave the right amount?” “Oh, it’s not the milk, dear; but three times this week he’s delivered the wrong husband.” <♦> <S> <*> <v The Gentle Hint. "Some things, of course, go without saying,” the bore visiting Miss Blunt happened to remark. “Yes, and others say without going,” she Tetorted.