SUNSHINE CORNER

Manawatu Times, Volume LV, Issue 7201, 26 April 1930, Page 18

SUNSHINE CORNER

The successful candidate had just appeared. A crowd of excited men surged round him, lifted him shoulder-high and jostled him along tho street. "Thanks so much, my friends," said the successful candidate, "but please let me down; I’d much rather walk to mv car."

"‘Car be blowcd," shouted back one of those who bore him onwards, "it’s tho canal you’re going to."

A famous pianist was to give a recital in a large hall. As tho audience was filing in a man staggered up to the door and presented a ticket. "You can’t go in,” said the official in charge; “you’re not in a fit condition.”

'"Didn’t I pay for my ticket?" asked the man. "Isn’t it in order?"

"It’s all right," was tho reply, "but you—you arc all wrong —-you arc intoxicated."

■‘lntoxicated? Of course I’m intoxicated. If I wasn’t do you think I’d come to a piano recital?’’

.“What kind of a living-room have you 7" "Oh, ours is an eight-cylinder sedan."

Great Auntie: You see this lace, dear? It’s 15th century. Dorothy: How lovely! did you make it. yourself?

Tho Mother (to vicar’s wife): Well, UK I say, mum, I like my girls to start with you first, and then, go into a lady’s family afterwards.

The stout old lady was struggling valiantly, but against odds of some 2001 b. to mount the step of the waiting bus.

"Come along, ma," urged the conductor. "If they had given you more yeast when you was a gal you’d be able to rise better." ;

"Yes, young man," she retorted, as she hoisted herself up triumphantly, "and if they had given you a bit more yeast you’d be better bred."

An Irishman and a Yank met one day and began to talk about what they hy d seen. "Well," said the Yank, "I was at a bcatracc one day and it was such a close finish that the winning boat only won by the thickness of the paint on it.” "Oh! bogorra," said Pat, "That’s nothing. 1 was at a horse race one clay and it was such a close finish that the favourite was stung on the nose with a bee and he won by the swelling." A tailor had a great desire to hear one of his patrons, a famous tenor, sing. So the tenor gave him tickets for the performance of "Tosca,” and asked him next day how he liked the SIIOW. "Oh, it was awful, simply awful," replied the tailor. "Awful! How so?" asked the surprised tenor. "Your coat," tho tailor groaned, "was much too tight under the arms.”

Fortune-teller: There is money coming to you; and no sickness whatever. Client: That’s strange! I’m the new doctor. Mr A: 'I presume you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours? Mrs. B: Precisely; it is a lock of my husband’s hair. Mr A: But. your husband- is still alive 1 Mrs. B: Yes, sir; but liis hair is all gone. The cocky was showing his new city "pommy" round the farm. Approaching the stockyard the "pom" asked, "What is that?" The cocky replied: ‘That’s the hay- " Bah Jove!" said the "pom." "I’ve heard of them, but I’d no idea they grew in lumps like that!" Meanly was an impatient landlord, and when tho rent from a certain tenant was two days overdue he sent the offender this letter: "Dear Sir, —I regret to inform you that my rent is overdue. Please remit same by return post." A day or two‘ later Meanly received the reply: "Dear Sir,—l do not know any reason why I should pay your rent. I can’t even pay my own.’-’ "At times my wife tries to be an angel." "When she wants something, eh?"No —when she’s driving the car. Proud Father: "My son is taking languages at his college." "How do you know?" "I got a bill for £5 yesterday for Scotch. ’ ’ Magistrate: Where you ever arrested before? Prisoner: Once before, your Honour. "What -was the charge?" "Ten shillings and costs."