SUNSHINE CORNER

Manawatu Times, Volume LV, Issue 7168, 15 March 1930, Page 18

SUNSHINE CORNER

Particular Old Lady: "Are those eggs fresh?” Grocer: "Here, boy, see if those eggs are cool enough to sell yet.” She: "Before accepting you I ought to tell you that one of my uncles is in prison. He: "Oh, that’s ajl right. Several of mine ought to be.” Boy: "No, Mister, I don’t want to sell this trout.” Angler: "Well, just let me measure him so that I can truthfully say how big the trout was that got away from me.”

A lady and a gentleman were talking one day about letter writing. "Ah,” said the gentleman, "you ladies can never write a letter without a postscript.”

"Oh, yet we can,” replied the lady, "I will write one to you, and let you see.”

A few days later the gentleman received a letter from tho lady, and at the end was written: "P.S. What did I tell you?”

Visitor: "How old is your baby brother?” Little Girl: "Ho isn’t old at all, he’s this year’s model.”

A Scottish, professional was teaching a wealthy American how to play golf. "Noo, sir,” said tho pro., "the first thing to be observed is to keep your eye on the ball.” "You darned Scotch are too thrifty for anything,” said tho American scornfully, "Do you think I care a hoot if i lose a ball?” And Didn’t It Rain. Mrs. Thomson (to milkman): "That milk looks pretty weak.” Milkman: "Well, er, yairs. The cows got caught in tho rain.” Little Jimmy (watching train-bearer at his cousin’s wedding): "Mummy, next timo cousin Irene gets married I am going to drive her.” His Prize. A grey-headed old man made a sudden divo into a busy road and was sent spinning back to' the pavement by a mudguard of a passing car. He was picked up by a passer-by, who addressed him thus: “You might have been killed doing a silly thing like that. Are you hurt?” A small crowd gathered, and to the astonishment of all the old man toro himself away and repeated the performance, this time capturing a prize which he displayed enthusiastically. "That’s what I wanted,” he said. "Had I passed it I’d have been unlucky all day.” It was a pin. He’d Eaten It. The good lady of the house was rather surprised on opening the door to iind a little boy on tho doorstep with a cat in his arms. "Well, my little man, and what might you want?” she asked. "Please, I’ve come for the reward for bringing your canary back.” "But that is not a canary, it’s a cat!”

"Yes, I know,” said the boy, "but your canary is inside it, ma’am.”

The Seeds That Disappeared.

“Oh Mummy,” wept poor Tommy, “My seeds have flown away.” “They couldn’t,” said his mother, “That’s a naughty thing to say.” “They did,” cried Tom, “and just be-

fore A chirping sound I heard, A bird was on my plot of ground— My seeds were in the bird!”

Odd Eyes. Peter is a kitten The blackest ever seen, And hi* right , eye is golden, But the left one is green. When I say it’s time to go to bed Just do as you are told! He wakes with the green eye, And sleeps with the gold.

James : “Yes, sir, I’ve been out of work a long time, but I managed to get a bit of a job last Sunday and earned five bob.” Minister : “Wha ; James,' you broke the Sabbath* James: “Well, sir, one of us had to bo broke.”

Prosperous Young Actor (returning tired after a matinee and evening performance of successful play) : Oh, dear boys, I really think it’s time all good actors were in hcd. Giumpy Tragedian (looking up from his paper): “They are.”

The Spatts had been at it again. “And furthermore,” said Mrs bpatt, concluding her long tirade, you ccr tainly aren’t much of a husband “Well my dear,” her husband retorted wearily, “I can truthfully say you are ci lot of wife.

Pedestrian: “Well, we’re''right off the beaten track now, -anyway. No traffic congestion in this neighxm” hood!” Village Constable: Oh, i dunno. Only last week we had a bit of a collision ’ere between old Paikm _s bath chair and the schoolmistress tricycle. ’ ’

The inspector, weighing sixteen stone, was giving the class of snwri boys a lecture on birds. “Now, boys, he said, “can any of you tell me vlid a canary can do what I can Wee Sandy put up his hand and said, “Please, sir, ha’e a bath in a saucer .

First Flapper: “I'm nearly sure that’s an old friend of mine sitting a. that table over there.” Second Same : “Then why don’t you speak to him < “I’m afrail? to, because he’s so shy that ho would feel quite awkward it it turned out to be another man, after all.”

Prospective Groom (gaily): Will i take much to feather a nest? Furniture Dealer: Only a little down.

Plumber: Well, here wo aro and I’ve not forgotten a single tool. Householder: fou’vc come to the wrong address, though.

He: "And we will elope at midnight.” She : "Yes, dear.” He : "And will you have all your things packed?” She: “Sure. My husband is packing them for me now. ’ ’

Mrs Henpeck : "My dear, I’m sure that our boy is thinking seriously of matrimony.” Mr Henpeck: "Well, I hope so. I wouldn’t want any boy of mine to be so foolish as to regard it as a joke.”

"If you think there’s something wrong with your heart, why don’t you consult the specialist?” "I’m afraid he would say it was something fatal.” "Nonsense ! He wouldn’t. He’s an awfully good sort.”

"Women, in my opinion, are different now from what they used to be.” "How’s that?” "There’s my daughter, for instance —she’s taking up tho law, whereas her mother always lavs it down.”

"This country is going to the dogs,” roared tho park orator. "Everything is going up —” "Oh, no,” said a voice. "Pens, pencils and paper are stationery.”

Aunt Dorothea : “If your father saw your behaviour it would give him grey hairs.” Willie: “He would be very pleased.” “What do you mean?” “He’s bald.”