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Manawatu Times, Volume LIV, Issue 6948, 29 June 1929, Page 13

A Most Palpable Miss.— “ Are you the boy who threw the stone at me?” “Did it hit you?” %} **;.-?sv “NO." . “Then It wasn’t me.” '

Not Anxious. —“James, call up my dentist and see if he can give me an appointment.” '■/ g «,■

“Yes, sir.” “And —er —James, .don’t press .him,’.’

He Knew.—T.wo. countrymen, from, County Antrim went to Belfast for the first time, and, having seen a watercart in motion, Jock ran after the driver of the cart, shouting: Hi, man, hi, man, your water's running out.” “Man,” said his friend, “don’t show your ignorance—that’s for keeping the kiddies off the back of the cart.”

The Prophet.— A lad was pushing* a decorator's barrow loaded with sand and tools. It was obviously far too heavy a load for the boy, and a kindly passer-by gave him some assistance. They arrived at the top of a long hill, and the stranger mopped his brow. “It’s an outrage to send a lad like you out with that," he declared. “Why didn’t you tell your employer it was too.heavyfor you?” “I did,” muttered the boy, “but he said, ‘Go on, lazy—you’re sure to find some idiot on the way to give you a hand’.’’

Enthusiasm.—Yes, she assured him that she was passionately fond of literature. “Then you must have read Scott,” he said. v“I think, he’s just delightful,” she exclaimed. "Isn’t the ‘Lady of the Lake’ exquisite?” he asked. "Perfectly lovely!" was her ardent reply. “I have read it a dozen times.” r ' - “And ‘Marmion’ and ‘Peveril of the Peak’ ? ” ‘Wonderful,” she breathed. “And Scott’s ‘Emulsion’ ? ” he asked, getting somewhat suspicious. , “I think,” she said, “that it’s the best thing Scott ever wrote.”

They’re Always Dangerous. —First Cannibal: The chief has hay fever. Second Cahtdbal: Serves him right—l told him mt)to eat that grass widow. ** ' V The London Schoolboy.—Jimmie: “Papa; how many miles is it f to Australia?” " ■ * < Father: *T don’t know, my boy.” Jimmie: “Then I hope you’ll be sorry •tomorrow, -when I get thrashed: for your ignorance.” ' V"

The Correct Order.—The tfaeatrioal producer Introduces his family: “JOa, this is the wife, Jimmie, Bill, Evelyn, and Sybil, in the order of their appearance in the family.” ~ *•* ! M ■ The End.—Mrs. Higgs: *1 'aw# seen yer ’usband about lately, Mf*. ’lggins'. I ’ope ’e’s quite well.” Mrs. ’lggins: “Didn’t you ’ear? *H fell oft a tram an’ got ‘conclusion,* njy, dear.” Mrs. Higgs: “You mean “concussion/ my dear." Mrs. ’lggins: “I mean 'conclusion*—• ’e died."