A JEST OR TWO

Manawatu Times, Volume LIV, Issue 6890, 22 April 1929, Page 4

A JEST OR TWO

.illlllllltilr The Born Salesman. —Enterprising Vendor: "I say, mum, ’ave you got such a. thing as a match you could give me?” Kind Lady: “I haven’t one in the place.” > “Well, will you buy a few boxes? I sells ’em, mum!” ' * * * In Wonderland. —“ Will you please drive off the track?” asked the motorman. The truck driver promptly pulled to one side. “Thank you, ever so much,” added the motorman, with a smile. “You’re very welcome,” responded the truck driver, “but you must pardon my seeming carelessness, I had no idea your train was so near.” * * * Raising the Limit. —‘Tse for a fiveday week. How ’bout you, Sam?” “Man! I’se for a five-day week-end.” * * * Corking. —A fellow was sitting in the club with a look of unrelieved gloom on his face. After a time, a friend approached him. saying, “You look frightfully fed up. Bill. Why not drown your sorrows?” “It’s a good idea,” said Bill in a desolate voice, “but she’s one of the kind who would float.” $ * * Ask Anne Rutledge. —Q: What should the lady of the house do if the maid repo.rst that the week-end guest has left his shoes outside the bedroom door? A.: See if they will fit her husband. Q.: What course should the hostess follow when she discovers a guest is peeved because the peas won’t stay on his knife? A.: Advise him to mix them with mashed potatoes. Q.: If conversation lags at the table, what should the hostess do? A.: Ask the guests if any of them ever had an operation. « * # Betty’s Good Taste. —When Betty came in from the children’s party she had attended her mother said, “Well, daughter, did you have a nice time?” “Oh, yes,” said Betty enthusiastically, “it was the best party I ever tasted.” ; ,

jiiiiiiiiiir r Alibis For All.—lt was visiting day : at the insane asylum. One of the jn- , mates imagined himself to be an artist, and he was busily engaged in dab- . bling at an empty canvas with a dry brush. A visitor, wishing to humqur i him, asked what the picture represented. - . /“That,” said the nut, “is a picture of the Israelites being pursued through - the Red Sea.” ■ “'Where is the sea?” 1 “Why, that’s rolled back to allow.the* Israelites to pass.” ‘Where are the Israelites?” “They’ve just gone by.”“Then where are their pursuers?” “Oh, they’ll be along in a minute,” **. * . Send It Some Eye-Wash, —A naturalist assures us lions are nearsighted, but we wouldn’t go looking for one if we knew it was stone-blind. * * * Now You See It, Now You Don't.— “What’t a joint account, Pop?” “It’s an account where one person does the depositing and the other the withdrawing.” * * * Hoodooed. —He: “Yes, I’ve'been married seven years to-day.” She: “Gosh, you must have broken a mirror.” * * • Case For a Club.—Husband: (testily,, after i going down badly at bridge): “You might have guessed I had no heart, partner." Wife (sweetly): “Quite, but I thought you had a brain, darling.” * * * Beauty Treatment. Man—“ Well, Bobby, how do you like your little brother?” Bobby—“lt isn’t a boy, it’s a girl.” Man—“ Your father told me this morning it was a boy, and I guess he knows.” Bobby—“l know it’s a gii’l because, I saw them putting powder on it this morning.” * * * * Pass the Hammer.—Roger: “Mummy, I have such a surprise fo,r you!” Mummy: “What is it, darling?” ’ Roger: ‘Tve swallowed a nail!* -