A JEST OR TWO

Manawatu Times, Volume LIV, Issue 6815, 21 January 1929, Page 4

A JEST OR TWO

“That is a good thing that the policeman is standing there 16 regulate the traffic, or 1 should never have got home to-night.” —“Sondagsnisse-Strix,” Stockholm.

Not the Mint. —" Can any boy tell me what a tannery is?” “Yes, teacher, it’s a place where they make sixpences.”

The Adaptable Fish.—“ What do ‘fish eat?”

“What they can find.”

"And if they can’t And anything?” "They eat something else.” * * * Zoological.—Dignified Lady: “Does this bus stop at the White Lion?” Conductor (helpfully): “Only to set down, mum. But we waits long enough for you to have one at the Blue Boar.”

Westward Ho.— Lady: "But. bow do you find yotlr way up there in the clouds?” Aviator: “With a compass that shows us where the north is.” Lady: “But suppose you want to travel west?”

A Child of the Age.—Mother (In train): “Tommy, if you are not a good boy I shall smack you.” Tommy: “You slap me, and 111 tell the guard my real age.” * * *

The Immortal Memory. —“ What was George Washington noted for?” “His memory, sir.” "What makes you think his memory was so great?” “They erected a monument to it. * * *

Wrong Number. —The motorist had an accident with his light car on the Brighton Road. He limped painfully to a telephone-box and rang up the nearest - garage. ~ “Hello,” lie said, "I’ve turned turtle, Can you do anything for me?” “I’m afraid not,”, came the sweet feminine reply. “You’ve got the wrong number. What you want is the Zoological Gardens.”

But Useful.—“ How did you like the sample of my marrow jam I sent you ?’’ “Was that marrow jam? Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry! My husband is using it for sticking stamps in his album!”

No Objection. —Tne amateur dramatists were rehearsing. 4 Mrs. Greene was required to kiss Mr. Gage, and just as they had arrived at this particular incident Mrs. Gage appeared. "Oh,” .exclaimed Mrs. Greene. I hope, dear, you don’t mind me embracing your husband like this?” “Not at all,” was tho icy reply. “I don’t mind in the least —if he doesn't.”

Luminous.— “ These luminous paints are wonderful.”,

. “What do you use them for?” “We paint baby’s face with them, and then in the night we can give him his bottle without getting a light.”

"Do you insure against floods?” “Yes.” "Good. I often have wet feet.” —“Pages Gales,” Yverdon,

Those Collectors. —Friend: “Someone has stolen my car.” Neighbour: “These antique collectors will stop at nothing.”

Distance Not Enchanting. —Boy: “When we reacli that bend in the road I’m going to kiss you.” Girl: “Isn’t that going a bit too far?”

Tho First Step.—“So your son is to be an artist. What aro you doing about it?” “I am letting his hair grow, and ho must see to. tho rest himself.”

The Shocking Example.—Tramp: “’Elp me, lady, please! For three years I worked for the cause of temperance.” Lady: “Were you a temperance orator?” Tramp: “No; I was the 'ornblo example.” ' • •