THE FESTIVE SEASON.

Manawatu Times, Volume LXIX, Issue 2562, 20 December 1924, Page 4

THE FESTIVE SEASON.

{By Thomas'Jay.) I know there arc some gloomy fellows who Insist on telling us that Christmas isn’t what it used to bo. They arc long faced individuals who are never happy unless they are miserable. They won’t even bcllcvo that there is a good time coming even It it is a good time coming. Still its a long face that hasn’t got a turning. Whether Christmas is what it used to be or not, I am sure of one thing, and that is that few of us are going to lot it worry our young lives. When a grown man tells you that Christmas is not, what it used to be, ho is admitting that the milk ot human kindness in his breast has solidified into a paving stone, and that sort of man will probably argue that Christmas isn’t oven what It is. As a matter of fact you cannot help being happy at this time of the year. It is the season of Good Will to all Humans, coupling with that the name of the curate and the Income Taxcollector who visits Us to know what day next week lie shall call again. Indeed everything is being done to make us happy. It is at this time of the year that parents become popular again and nephews become attile decent little human beings who never do anything wrong. Everything is being done for our pleasure and enjoyment. Think or those silent workers in the Christman pudding foundaries tolling from morning to night filling basins with pudding and indigestion. See. (he pudding engineers at their benches, driling holes into which to push the currants, see them in the filing department pushing the pointed end or the puddings into basins, and in the paint shop where puddings in their almost finished condition arc being varnished, and measured for a sprig of holly or a Union Jack. Yes, Everything is being done to make us supremely happy.

Then comes thjp great clay and the great dinner. Ton (Irtish carving your •way through seven courses. Hie turkey erases to be a turkey, and looks like the ruin s of Ypres, you sit back with half closed eyes the bottom button or your waistcoat files off with a bang like an engine house door bursting open, and then somebody mentions puddings. And Christmas pudding is an Institution. It is something more than a fad, it is a fetish, a religion almost ana you cannot ignore it. You cannot refuse (bo pudding. So you pull yourself together and decide to stand up to it like a man, You struggle through it and then fall back exhausted Into a chair. Just then they, bring the coffee, but before you can (alee It, indigestion sots in and clenches yon with its teeth. You become aware, of the fact that somebody is knocking - . Something inside you is up to no good, somo rude hand is tearing at tho tapestry of your dining room. Dyspepsia is creeping round and looking for something it can grip. Something is loose inside you, something with clogs on. Then

some kind soul tells you that you haven’t got indigestion, that you only fancy you have. You then plainly Intimate that there arc thousands of things In this great world that you fancy and that indigestion isn’t one of them. In fact, you arc not being misled by this thing, and that you have inside infer, mation to the effect that it really does exist.

Even dyspepsia Is doing its best to make us happy. One man 1 know used to be very particular about having vitamimos with his meal. He bought a young vita mime one day and kept it chained up to the leg of the dining room table. Perhaps that t f , an exaggeration. Perhaps it wasn’t a vitamime after all .Perhaps it was a protcid or a caloric. And to make us more happy during this season of Good Will the scientists generally find out something about some new germ, which is likely to be ou the war patli now that we have lowered constitutions, owing to our enjoyment. It appears that some germs are dangerous and so mo arc harmless. Germs as you may know, arc peculiar little things that pitch on people and doctors spend their lime chasing Ihem up side streets. To tell the difference between (he two kind of germs is fairly simple. The method I always employ is simplicity itself, 'll over I see a germ in the middle of the read, 1 just walk up to it, pat it on (ho back and call it "Fido.” If it wags Us tail it is a friendly germ, but If it growls and shows its teeth, then it Is dangerous, and 1 ask some doctor to come along and squirt some vaccine stuff at it. It soon gets tired of that.

Christmas is such a Jolly time. If. is a time when we welcome the postman with open arms as ho brings us jolly little cards and letters, the bulk of the latter Invariably begin "unless" and fixing a date. It is true as the well-known poet whoso name I have forgotten, so well said that! “Presents makes the heart grow fonder.”

Yet I cannot help thinking that sufficient thought is not given (o the question of presents and (lie sending of good wishes. For instance, a little nephew of mine whose sense of humour will one day got him into trouble, last year sent me a very tasty llttla gift in the shape of apockrl. diary with all the quarter days printed in rod. But I have other means of lotting me know when quarter day comes round and they arc fairly effective too. As I have said, everybody trios to make tis happy. Again, last Christmas I received a tasty little greeting marked on the envelope O.H.M.S. being an Intimation from my favourite income tax collector that he would to hear from nip on or before a certain date.

Naturally I reciprocated, and sent a dainty little card intimating (hat It ever anything really serious happened to him, I would have great, pleasure in attending his funeral, even if It meant that I had to postpone some other entertainment. 1 This so touched him that he didn’t call for his Christmas box on T’oxtng Day, and I decided that tho money he

should have had should be handed to the political fund of the Worshipful Company of Muffin Flattoners,

One of the great joys of Christmas morning is to rise with the lark, al. though I prefer a cup of tea myself, and then sec what presents have been deposited in the stockings overnight. Sad to realise tjmt cast's are not unknown, where owing io a surfeit of good things, the night before, many a man has risen in the morning to Hnd his own stockings full of feet, ho having forgotten to take them off. The joys of Christmas shopping must not bo overlooked, for here again you can do your little bit in making other people happy. You got into a crowded bus, laden with toys for (be children, which hang about you in gay festoons —the toys and not the children —and even if the bus Is crowded you should carve your way down through the passengers beaming brightly upon them as you step over them. If somebody tells you that you arc standing on his face don’t, get annoyed, Smite, raise your hat ami say, “Well, What about it. Its Christ - mas isn’t it?" And there the matter drops. And if you make them happy, whai matters. The end of little Tommy's toy gun penetrates the eye of a fel. low passenger. Wait until his shrieks have died down, smile gracefully and remind him how lucky it is that he still has another eye left. Smart repartee like this will endear you to your fellow passengers. After ail, what is Christmas for if it is not for you to spread your radiant joy wherever yon go. In Scotland of course the Festive Season lasts much longer. You have probably heard of Scotland, even n you don’t believe it. In Scotland they prefer to celebrate New Year’S Day On New Year’s Eve il in considered lucky if a dark haired man crosses a Scottish threshold with a bottle o' whisky under his arm, it is also n land where they make a public fetish of the Haggis, with which Scotland is dehlttcd, and which has so often prompted from the naturalists and metallurgists the question of whether haggis is a food, a missile, or merely a case of mystery repeating itself. If has been estimated on the authority of kfr Haggis MacDonald, late Regius Professor of Criminology; that if all the haggis In the world were collected together they would (ill the English Channel. And a lot of people are in favour of if. It is also said of one Scotsman that h 0 did away with the idea of putting threepenny pieces in Christmas puddings and substituted 1.0.U.’s instead. T( is sad reflection that before most cf us are convalescent from the Christmas orgies we are called upon to make New Year Resolutions, which are about as useful as the air they arc breathed into. Hence it is that on January 2nd.. Satan gets in a very busy time on those resolutions, which are broken and abandoned until times bring us dice again to that joyous season when forgetting all strife, all personalities, and past differences, we join together in echoing the time honoured hornoiy greetings “Compliments of the season and Good Will to All.”