FLASHES OF PUN.

Manawatu Times, Volume XLVII, Issue 2728, 22 August 1923, Page 7

FLASHES OF PUN.

Betty: "Now you're engaged to Tack ydu should let him see you have a will of your own. Sit on him sometime*." Maud: "I often do when we are alone." Mistress: "Nora, I won't have that big lout of a milkman In my kitchen." Nora: "All rigrht, mum, I know a mailer one." Mrs Newlywed: "Immediately after marriage a man is different." Mrs Longwed: "Yes, and a year after marirage he is inclined to b e inlilfforent." Book Canvasser: "Sir, I have a 'ittle work " Busy merchant: "Then suppose you sro and do it. I have more than a little." * Wife (after husband's violent outburst over telephone): "Oh, John, lear, I'm sure such language is quite uncalled for." Husband: "So's the confounded number they've just given me!" Connie: "I can't stand kissing." Charles: "I admit it is a bit trying. Shall we find a seat?" He: "Do you call that thing on your head a hat?" She: "Do you call that thing In vour hat a head?" First Rejected Suitor: "Did you Itnow that Maude has a dark room on purpose for proposals?" Second Ditto: "Well, rather, I developed a negative there myself last night." They had missed the train. "We wouldn't have missed it," he growled. "If you hadn't been so long dressing." "Yes, and if you hadn't hurried me so we shouldn't have such a long time to wait for the next. "Wa.iter," he called, sniffing the air suspiciously, "what la this smell of fresh paint around here?" "If you just wait a few minutes, sir," replied the waited, "them two young ladies at the next table will be going, sir." "Mother, I could never marry him, in spite of his wealth! I don't like his vulgar ways." "You silly child, never mind his ways; think of his means." Father (to small son): "A long tim e ago this very park was covered by the ocean. Little fish used to swim about here." Son: "Yes, I suppose they did. There's a whole lot of salmon tins in that corner." An Irishman had squeezed himself into a seat in the car between two fat women, and presently began wriggling abnout. I'm -afraid that you are not very comfortable," commented one of the ladies. u "Well," responded the man. I haven't much room to grumble." Little Bobby had been allowed the privilege of sitting up a little later than usual. Finally he was told to go upstairs. "Oh say, sis," begged the boy. "can't'l sty up just a little longer? 1 want to see you and Mr Brown play "But we are not going to play cards to-night, Bobby." said Mr Brown "Oh yes, vou are; you cant fool me" replied the boy. "I hear* mother tell sis that everything depended on the W she played her card 3 to-night." Doctor: "That's right, my little man! I knew these pills of mine would pull you round. What did you put 'em In water or raspberry jam, eh?" Young Invalid: "Put 'em in my pea-shooter." She opened the door. "I've called to tune your piano, madam," said the piano tuner, very politely. "But I never asked you to call." she nnsw*ved. "No, madam, but your neighbours did." A bright little boy was being taken by his mother round the local cemetery. He read all the epitaphs with the insatiable curiosity of childhood. When they were leaving he asked whether they were going to the other cemetery. "You know, mother, the one where they bury all the bad people." Jack Dempsey has turned down an offer of three-quarters of a million to fight to Buenos Ayres. Mr Dempsey Isn't interested in fractions.