Telephone Talks.

Manawatu Times, Volume LXXVIII, Issue 12753, 27 March 1914, Page 5

Telephone Talks.

Ting-a-ling Good-day, Mr Massey. You have been having a great time on the West Coast, which used to be the stronghold of another political party, till its centre shifted to Awarua in the South.

But don't foiget that people are always civil to those in power, that it is believed you have gifts to bestow, and that as giatitude has been defined as "a lively sense of favours y§t to come" this may also apply to popularity. The true test would be what reeeption you would get if you were not Prime Minister.

Let us admit that your arguments hase been sound and your administration fairly go">d. but why drag in old weapons? What is the use now of brandishing the battle-axe of the freehold? It slew many enemies, but is now blunted, and we all know that every man has a leasehold would like to convert it into a freehold.

Give us as soon as you can some idea as to what you are going to do about reforming the Legislative Council and making the Administration superior to party influence providing for an Elective Executive. By the way, I see you are going home to the Old Land next year. St. Paul's is being propped up by the architects, and the Suffragettes are doing deeds of destruction. Do you expect to pose as Macauley's Zealander sitting on the remains of London Bridge to gaze on the ruins of St. Paul's?

The Emerald Isle is your Home! So it is. Good luck to you! Try to kiss the Blarney Stone, and if possible yon might take a Dreadnought in your pocket. Then, "Rise William!" g Ting-a-ling! Mr Semple?

That's rather a clever idea of yours to allege that all the newspapers are owned by the capitalistic class. If true it would be good news to many struggling newspaper proprietors. Th« allegation is clever, because it infers that anything said against you must be biased. But, of course, you know quite well that if a newspaper does not possess the confidence of the public it is of kittle value.

Yes, as a matter of fact your party owes a good deal to the newspapers. If. they had not given publicity to the vapourings of some of your blatant spouters there would have been less heard of the whole thing.

I know some vevy worthy Social Democrats, and the'bask of > their platform is sound and just.. But as this is so, why try to convey the idea that the aim is destruction? Are you thus doing any real service to the cause? Why not try the persuasive instead of the denunciatory ? You wouhi gain more disciples. Yes, but would'not a more fitting name for the agitators, as distior, guished from the wrcinary earnest members, be Anarchistic Mobocrats? Of course, we know why your party leadersa re so bitter against Messrs Massey and Fisher. They spoilt the game, didn't' they? And Mr Fisher has a caustic tongue that causes irritation to your lordships. Sir Joseph Ward is also not in favour with you. There will be no really sound government till your quintette hold office — Messrs Semple, Mills, Holland, Hiskey and Parry—and I expect any one of these could manage affairs better without the assistance of the others. Would Hickey, however tricky, be able to parry the designs of Parry, and if Holland was torn and Mills ground his Semple where would your Ministry be? With the Kilkenny cats! Ting-a-ling Mr Fisher?

What was the matter with you at Pongaroa? Were you stilj sore from the fray with the Eed Fede? Well, why did you rake up that old story about the scare that never existed, and the Dreadnought that was never required. Even if a Baronetcy is a strange thing in a Democratic land, was it not deserved from tha Imperial standpoint? What's the odds? Don't stir up old grievances. "Let the dead patt bnry its dead." Get to something new. Give us something new to think about.

But when you revive old subjects it only gives the other fellow something to talk about, contradict or justify, and so time is waited, wd we poor electors get nothing fresh in real present day polities. What! Don't you realise that ti£ peoplb are not really interested in party quarrels? These sometimes amuse, just as a Billingsgate Ishwife may entertain a crowd in the street, but they don't satisfy, neither do they instruct or inform. Ting-a-ling! Is that Mr Atmore? Let me tax my memory a little. When you first launched yonr bark on the stormy sea of politics were you not an Independent? Well, what went wrong with your steering gear? You now seem to be a rather earnest organiser for the Opposition.

When politics no longer pay ' the profession of quick-change ar.tist might be profitable. Have you ever aotieed that the man the one side aeclaim as a convert and the other side denounce as a pervert, is always much more enthusiastic than the ordinary member or supporter ? Do you think it is because he wants to prove to his new-found friends that he is zealous, and his conversion is real, or because he wants to show his old associates that his desertion was justifiable?

Of course, one cannot always sit on a rail or be neutral. That would make him a nenter in the political hive, though he might atill be a good worker.

By the way, what side do you intend to support at next election, if any? And, if elected, which party will you support? I ask as an elector, because it is really difficult to make any sure deduction from past '■peeches or actions.

Ting-a-ling! Give me Sir Joseph Ward. «

I do not like to intrude upon your grief, w r hich must be keen, since the attack of the mighty Hunter of the Social Democrats, who says they are going to treat your political Federation as a "scab." You don't care what the Democrats or any other rats do! Well, I don't blame you. You may on better without them, but you must be rather sorry that you advocated toleration and mercy. But I congratulate you on your dignified reply. Yes, they have adopted a contradictory title. Its meaning of social government by the people does not seem to fit with the agitation against all classes but their own. Of course, the people include all classes. * But, then, your party's old title of "Liberal and Labour" did not quite fit conservative practices. THE GOSSIP.