Some Burlesque Mints From Punch.

Manawatu Standard, Volume XL, Issue 7841, 19 May 1904, Page 6

Some Burlesque Mints From Punch.

'Mr Punch ", offers the following novel sugges^fans on cricket-J orm in-a recent issue (with-acknowledg-ments .to Mr "Gilbert Jessop) :— Now that the test matches arc over urid attention can be paid to cricket at Home, I should like to bring forward a few points which have been omitted from my contributions, to the Daily Mail, but upon which I feel very, deeply. They are all, I need hardly say, out forth in the interest of cricket as a noble spectacle., -

■SHOULD RAIN BE ALLOWED? The recent test matches are in themselves sufficient proof of the mischief . and havoc that. can be wrought in the king of games by a steady^ downpour. What the M.C.C. Committee' ought to do before anything else is to endeavour to come to some decision with regard" to rain. , Tenders for rain-stopping should be invited from all the leading scientists, such as Maxim, Edison, Marconi, and H. G. Wells. Unless something is done cricket might as well be discontinued. Over and over again the best batsmen are dismissed for a round .0 or a mere handful ol runs, owing to the disastrous effect of rain on the pitch. All wickets should bo plumb- In the event of the experiment dE^fch*;ficien'tists failing, every co-^grTO-^^4Ae supplied wi th. % an,-; umbrella^latg"® enou^^^cover the whole pitf-li.'; withersinterfering with the view'of | or reporters* The fmnbrella stick is the ohly difficulty ; ,tut I have no doubt that some device could be hit upon by * hicli the canopy coiild be held up. it might bo suspended from a captive baloon. SHOULD POPULAR BATSMEN BE

GIVEN OUT? Here we touch upon d.V.icalo ground. But the fact c. mains that under the prevailing conditions-, I'nglishmcn wiio have paid their money to see certain batsmen jji-j-iom- are too ofton comp -lied 'vi it>av o the ground baffled of their desire. That so many worthy persons .liculd be disappointed is surely a t-tate of things not contemplated Ix;' the original compilers of tlie laws ... the game. The circumstance that cricket exists to. a/nusc sp-il/tutors makes it of the highest importance that a favourite performer should have a full innings every time* lo this end I propose to deliver a series of lectures tol bowlers and Ldders on the principle of altruism, showing them how the lowest, even a long stop, may contribute his mite to--wards the prolongation of n batsman's life when tho happiness of the greatest number demands it.. TUBES IMPERATIVE FOR BATSMEN .WHO MAKE DUCKS. Probably no sight is more cheerless to the spectators of cricket, and certainly few experiences are more depressing to the batsmen, than the return to pavilion after failure tp score. ( In the foregoing paragraph I have given my reason for holding that blobs, or even short innings, should be made impossible; but in default] of that I am persuaded that, in as far as possible, mortification should•' bo spared- To this end I wish to revive an old project of the present Colonial Secretary for an underground passage from the wicket to the dressing-rooms., To make this passage would be a very simple business. The entry would J>e gained by an ordinary manhole just behind the stumps at the pavilion end, and. it would need to be kept carefully closed until wanted, in case the wickctkeepcr fell in at a critical moment. The other end would be somewhere well within the pavilion walls, to obviate that most part of tho whole debacle, the ascent of the pavilion steps. The tube would be lighted' with electricity, and there might perhaps be a writing recess in it, furnished with ink, pens and paper, in which the batsman could record for to-morrow's * paper his impressions of the fatal ball while they were still warm and f*ivid.'

THE NEED OF GREATER FACILITIES FOR CRICK I3TING WRITERS, That very necessary; person, •< cricketing writer, is confronted every day. by new obstacles, which i" feel it my duty tc. attempt to remove. *or example, suppose that Charles ■try has undertaken to forward -a. column descriptive of his inniuW ball by ball, to the Daily Half'volley, and he is in for four hoursIt stands to reason that if he does not begin his record until he is out he is in danger of losing sight i of the. character of aomo of the early balls ; his perceptions will be blunted ; he will forget whether he snicked this for three or cut. that for two; anc. his readers—the great generous reading public for whom we all toil—will be disappointed, if not positively defrauded. What I Suggest, therefore, is that a live minute interval be taken every quarter of an hour during the day, in which all cricketers who have journalistic engagements may jot down their impressions. Few on the hold would bo idle. I would suggest that, notebooks and telegraph . forms bo coinpulsorilfc- carried by tho umpires, several for every man, in case a literary impulse overtook him. Only in this'way -can cricket.be properly written about; and' without writing the game falls to tho ground., -