SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 187, 14 July 1883, Page 3

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRESIDE.

~-^*^t doesn't do to engage m a dispute a chemist, for he always has a retort , The current coin of life is plain, sound sense. We drive a more substantial trade with thi! - - than with aught else. An actuary gave a student tbe following advice :— flow to become practically acquainted with the "Rule of Three." Live with your wife, mother, and mother* in-law. A child thus defines gossip: — "It's wjien nobody don't do nothing, and somebody goes and tells of it. *- ,'! De picture you haf painted nm most putiful , dere is only von vord mdc English lanckguidge vich describes it — and I have vorgotten it." When the rain falls, if she gets the bigger half of the umbrella, they are m love, if she takes the bigger half they are married. On one occasion when a Bailor attended a Methodist meeting, be heard the preacher say ; " Who will go with me to Jerusalem 1 There was solemn silence, and the question was twice more repeated. Jsck could not withstand the invitation any longer, so he hitched up his trousers, and said: "If nobody else will go with ihe gemman, I will." A Freach constitutional priest who had usually a very small audience, was one day preaching at the church m his village when, the doors being open, a gander and several geese came stalking up the middle aisle. The preacher, availing himself of the circumstance, observed that he could noJLo»ger find fault with his district for non-attendance, because, though they did come., themselves, they sent their representatives. Dr Franklin, when last m England, used pleasantly to repeat an observation of his negro servant when the doctor was making the tour of Derbyshire, Lancashire, &c. Ebery ting, massa, work m dis country— water work, wind work, fire work, smoke work, dog work, (he hid just before noticed the last at Bath),man work, bullock work, horse work, ass work, ebery ting work here but de hog, he eat, he drink, he sleep, he do nothing all day j be walk about like gentleman ! An old lady who had purchased a new bonnet received it on Saturday Not long after she was missed, and her absence was so protracted that the family became alarmed about her, and instituted a seaech. After looking the premises all over, her daughter found her m her chamber, sitting quietly with her new bonnet on. The daughter exclaimed — 'Why, mother, what are you doing here V 'Go along down,' the old lady replied. ' I am only getting used to this thing, so that I shall hot be thinking about it all the time m church to-morrow.'