SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 170, 23 June 1883, Page 3

SATURDAY NIGHT.

„,,-,, TIJE MKESIEE.

* Well; you'll oWh Rhe's (rot * pretty foot; won't you R' 'Yes, I'll grant you! that: but then it never made half as much; impression otr me ; as/ the old man's; i - ; 4 You have playeO.be/' deuce , with myi heart,' said a gentleman to a lady partner." durb|fF«|game of : whist. , « W^ll/, replied! the lady with '"'an arch sniilej l " it 'was Bimply because you ; played the knave.' 1 B err Joachin, the great violinist, w*»nl; into a hairdresser's m London to have his Hair cut. ' You really sir, ought to allow me to take a little more off, if you do not wish.^ to be taken forY fiddler,' 1 said 1 the operator. r; *'t 'UV^i,;U,i. > ij'.^-jr I What more , precious : offering can be laid on aman'B,he|irt than the first lovi of a pure' earnest affectionate girl, witn an undivided interests m. eight corner lots or fourteen three»storey house s. ; An Irfsb'JuaVe tried two most notorious fellows for highway robbery. To the" 'artobisfiitoent of thefCMirt, as^wall 'as thi priionerl themselves itHey were found ; tnot guilty. As tbey_..were being removed ffomthejbar, the judge , addressing the gaoler, Bai.d:"' i ßlr Murphy,' you will greatly ease my mind if you would keep those respectable gentlem en : until seven or half-paßtseven o'clock, for I mean to **t q?t M, for Dublin at five, and I should like to have at least two hours' start of >&«*•'.;. - ■•",'. il) ; ; ■'■ •■•■ 'Nof know Burns!' exclaimed a perferyid Scot on the night of a celebration of the poet' g birthday ; " not know Burns, ; feir ! : ; 'Did youiever readj? Scots wha;, hae wi 'Wallace, ibled'?! he asked triumphandy, 'No,' replied the ignorant Englishman, 4 1 have not. I never read local poets, especially ' iwhen, ag L" learn ftpm your quotations, they writle Kfa. a'foreign lanigUtgei''ir ;W •:o-r-\:\-'-'- •'■.-;•- ■..?.-.-;., <■■- ; One of the saddest and most vSkaii(Vus trials that come to a j?irl when she marries is that she has to discharge her mother and depend upon a hired gjrj. .; Bufer v the saddest time for. the .newrmade Eusßand is wb'en the' 'wifg do^sb'tiOdisWaree he^ mother, but takes her: home with her. : A certain resident of .North .Adams recently buried his wife, a woman of unusual size, and a few days after the sad event a T neighbour 7 attempted a little m the consolation line by' remerking— • Well, M» —^-y*> u bave met with a heßvy loss?' 1 '^Yeßj >: replie"d Iher mourner/ with a sigh, • she .most .400 pounes !' ■ A Gfir'maTixlefgyinan'who^was travels ling stopped at-anhoteLmuch frequented bv t -w^B;-And jpken.. The Jbeing used to have » , clergytoah at nhP tabled looked t)t him with surprise; the guests used )al) tliir^af tilery bf^wit'npbri him Lwithonit eliciting* f emarlc. < < ; The . clergyman at his dinnerlqufeieMv/; apparently ; without observing the jibeß— and sneers of hik neighbours;' r,Gheo£/ them, at last, indespair at his forbearance*,-. saTd^ toT^im, J* Well, I wonder at your patience ; Jt nave '"you not i heard all that^has been* said ~to you Pl'./VOb, j t es, but lam used, to it. Ifii 'jM &6w ; wh<v-T ani f* * " No^ sir.?' " Well I will informyou. lam chaplain ■of a^^n^S]a^lum ; 'Yemaiks have no Gooctf on mo* -.•*.* . They wer^ at party, and he Remarked Ihat^he "supposed she was fond •of -ethndloiyi She ; said she was^btft she ir»a not- very wellj and the,, doctor, bad jtold; her- not ta eat any thing but prair ges. ,:,, Mankind descended from a pair. .STan- ! kiod's. troubles from an apple. ', "~' A A. bald-Meadefl JPhiiadelphian 'has had a l ' ' 'spider's web^ '-'" w.ith a spider Jm; the iniddle,'painted on thetop of his ■ crown. Nd'&yi not^'a born idiot, will ga witbm Jaiyardtbthim; i.-:\- .c; h':L \ /.; .-/•.; d ■ I Some :of; jhe; storekeepers > m; America are' constantly jannoyed by children, com* ing to theia asking ; far cards, eiopty boxes and that sort of things] The clerks '.aria jOTxdu^e^^own'bnHße'^ydu^ngste'ra^ nnfl a"re f: never, 'end b. ; 'Th a f oth er •' day a-little girl opened^ a Store door and stickingjherhead Jn, called outr— ' Say, mister, 'hay^you ,gpt.- any empty .boxes?' js. No,' faaid'.-th? .^!clerk>,not .yeryj politely. ifjOot^ any. cards'?' fjsq£ V <3ot an^ almanacs!?/ 'm^ fl Cfot'aiiy';?nVpty' bottiest^Kd/ »<&&" a^^pictureft' ai^ aenße?' ' JSp-pves — no r-yes — you-iDiser-able:litble 'wretehi' end the. clerk flew out m tb.epnjQXt'> alley making' faces aLhim,' and he came back madder than he has beenince his salary wu reduced. j "