MISCELLANEOUS.

Marlborough Press, Volume XIII, Issue 832, 25 December 1872, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Nashville (U.S) telegraphic operator has invented a device for propelling railroad cars by the power of electricity. He claims that a speed of 100 miles per hour can easily bo obtained. A number of scientific gentlemen have made a favorable report on his invention. A Gentle Snob.—He is a very genteel and amiable young man, but he is now infane. He parts his hair in the middle. The other day, in combing his hair, be chanced to get two more hairs on one side than on the other. This destroyed the balance of his head, and overturned his brain. He makes a very gentle lunatic, however.

Brief Summing-up. —Close-cut hair was recently the cause of the death of a gentleman. Whilo bathing he was seized with cramps, and his comrade failed to rescue him because be could not obtain a hold. As he went down the comrade said, 11 You have cut it short.” A brief summing-up of the situation and of the cause.

The Laugh Changed.— A Hampshire paper says : —“ A man from Basingstoke started last Friday with a load of hay. His wife advised him not to smoke his pipe on the way, and he laughed at her, Pretty soon he came back with most of his clothes gone, his hair and eyebrows singed, and the ironwork of his cart in a bag upon his shoulder. Then his wife laughed.” “To What Base Uses,” &o —A scientific paper says“ Old boots and shoes have their uses—a fact which few persons realise.” We realised it the other night when a regiment of cats held a jubilee under our chamber window. We gathered all the old shoes and boots in the house, and commenced the attack. In the' morning four dead Thomases were found upon that ensanguined field of fray. After this, we shall never deny that old boots and shoes have their uses in this world. The dove must henceforth disappear as the emblem of peace. M. 800 de la Barre, a “ colombophile,” or in plain English a pigeon-fancier, has seriously proposed to the French Government to organise a corps of 25,000 birds for the “ next war.” The French Government entertain the proposal seriously. A battalion -of 1000 pigeons from Paris will be sent to each great fortress at the outbreak of a war. Pigeonshooting will become a warlike art, and artists like Mr H. Bedwood may decide the fate of nations. The Spectator says:—Here is a delicious story illustrative of the religious impotence of two sharp Yankees suddenly confronted with death. They were in a yacht on the Delaware river, in imminent danger of wreck. “ Seth,” said Peleg, “ say a prayer.” " I can’t,” said Seth, “ I have forgotten how.” i( Then let us sing a hymn,” replied Peleg “ I can’t,” returned Seth, “ I never could sing.” “ But, Seth, we are*drowning men, and must do something religious. Let us make a collection .” And they made it. And no doubt that is one remarkable Anglo-Saxon doxology. Among the many odd names for ailments daily cropping up in our midst the latest is the disease called by the Lancet “perambulator spine,” which our contemporary says is caused by the carelessness of nursemaids in jolting their charges over rough pavement and in crossing roads. The evil brought on thereby is thought to be caries of the spine. There is nothing more oruel than stupidity, and the stupidity of some nursemaids is enough to set any parent’s fingers tingling to the tips. The dire effects of what is called “ railway spine ” are too well known. It is shocking to think that results almost as bad may be lr mght about in the case of little ones by a thick-skulled, heavy-banded girl wheeling an unhappy child into possible decrepitude in a bungling perambulator.

Good Rezolusbuns for 1873.—That i wont smoke enny more cigars, only at sum body else’s expense. That i wont borry nor lend—especially lend. That i will liv within mi inkum, if i hav tew got trusted tew do it. That i wont wear enny more tite boots, if i hav tew go barefoot tew do it. That i wont sware enny, unless iam put under oath. That i will stick tew mi taylor az long az he will stick tew me. That no man shall beat me in politeness not so long az politeness kontiuues tew be az cheap az it iz. now That if lovely woman smaks me on the oheek, i will turn her the other also. That it iz no disgrace tew be bit by a dog unless he duz it a seckond time. That i will try hard tew be honest, but it will be just mi darn luk tew miss it. That i will love mi mother-in-law if it takes all the money i can earn tew do it. That i will brag on mi wife all the time, but i will do it silently. That i wont hanker for happiness, but if i see eDny that i think iz a bargain i will shut up one eye and go for it. That i will laff every good chance i can get, whether it makes me. grow phatt or not. Finally, i will search for things that are little, for things that are lonesura, avoidiug all torchlite proseshuns, bands of brass wiinmins’ rights convenshuns and grass widders generally.—Josh Billlfags. When the system begins to need nutriment, it sends a fluid from every portion of the body towards the stomach, where it accumulates in little reservoirs, the distension of .which causes the sensation of hunger ; the fuller they become, the more hungry are we. This fluid not only gives notice that food is needed, but it has ihe power of dissolving it, as water dissolves sugar, aud thus prepares it for yielding its nutriment to the system. If, therefore, a person eats without' an appetite —without being hungry, there being none of that dissolving fluid in the stomach, the food is not dissolved, does not undergo any healthy change; on the contrary, being kept up to the stomach heat of about a hundred degrees, it soon begins to ferment, to decay, to rot; if meat, it literally becomes carrion; if vegetable, it sours; in either case generating gas and wind, causing unseemly belching and noisome eructations, or these gases, being confined, distend the stomach causing pressure against the nerves, originating various pains and discomforts more or less distressing, to last sometimes for hours or half a uight, preventing refreshing sleep, to be followed by a day of general discomfort and unfitness for business. Sometimes the stomach becomes so distended with wind that it crowds against the lungs, preventing them from receiving their amount of air, and there follows a distressing feeling of impending suffocation. These same effects follow when too much food is eaten, more than there is fluid in the stomach to dissolve.

A Virginia paper says they have begun there to indicate the heat by the number of times a day that people have to change their collars. Last week, it says, the weather attained a “ three-collar heat.” New York seems to be hottest of all. It would probably require a boxful of collars to indicate the degree of heat under which the following verses were produced : Oh, for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers ! Oh. for an iceberg oi two to control! Oh, for a vale which at mid-day the dews cumber! Oh, for a pleasure trip up to the Pole ! Oh, for a little one-storey thermometer," With nothing but zeros all ranged in a row ; Oh, for a big double-barrelled hydrometer, To measure the moisture that rolls from my brow ! Oh, that * this cold world ’ were twenty times colder—(That’s irony red-hot, it seemeth to me) ; Oh, for a turn of its dreadful cold shoulder ; Oh, what a comfort an ague would be ! Oh, fora grotto to typify heaven, Scooped in the rock under cataract waste, Oh, for a ‘ winter of discontent ’ even ; Oh, for wet blankets judiciously cast! Oh, for a soda-fountain spouting up boldly From very hot lamp-post against the hot sky I Oh, for a proud maiden to look on me coldly ! Freezing my soul with a glance of her eye ! Oh, for a draught from a cup of cold pizen ! And oh, for a resting-place in the cold grave 1 With a bath in the Styx, where the deep shadow lies on And deepens the chill of its dark running wave !