THE CONTRIBUTOR

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume XII, Issue 697, 24 February 1883, Page 3

THE CONTRIBUTOR

IDIOSYNCRASIES.

"But cverj r desperate blockhead dares to "write—"Why not ? ''—Art of Poetry.

Some one drew my attention to the remarks of the Hyde correspondent about myself in a recent issue of the Saturday Advertiser. It seemed to me that there was the least grain of ill-nature in these same remarks, which is sufficiently curious, seeing that the goodnatured Parthian is at; peace with all the world, and indeed could not, from the constitution of his nature, harbor any thing like spite against a living soul. The. fact is, however, that the Hyde correspondent evidently mistakes my identity. He sees in me the sign of the tartan and the owner of countless flocks' of shorn . sheep, and a: variety.; of other things, to all of which I simply reply,. "My friend, you are -entirely on the wrong scent. -Would that : you were right, indeed. Had it only been my luck to be a Scotchman, thocgh I might have had considerably less wit, I would certainly have had more of the needful." As for the Hyde correspondent's desire

to "immortalise" me when the "divine afflatus " is upon him, it is just as well that that uncomfortable disorder -was not upon him at the • timeyand that he may long remainJree of it is the kindly wish of Parthian. The small-pox is bad, and measles is bad enough, but for'a-young man commencing and with a certain vein of talent running through him, the divine afflatus is one of the "most disastrous maladies that, could, possibly afflict him. I would recommend the Hyde correspondent to try every, known to Science—from 'carbolic acid downwards—as a means of- keeping it away. . , ;•

While on the subject of literary immortality, the curious and unexpected manner in which some people reach immortality is very amusing. Pope and 'Byron have immortalised scores of authors: who would never otherwise have been remembered for a day. Macaulay may' possibly have immortalised Montgomery,..jithough ifc is hard to say, for Macaulay,',himself, betrays a tendency to get dim.and shadowy. But poor Derrick;/ an? o'bscure.Ti&uthpr., of the last century, will.always havenhis place, for lie has a Diche in: a book that will last for ever. Derrick got a.littleisentimental on the subject ot being " numbered.with the forgotten dead,'' and considered that his only chance of escape; lay in one direction:— - '■ " Unless my lines protract my fame, -' ' ■■■■'. . And those who chauce to road them, cry, • • I.know, him I-.-. Derrick' was .hisiuune, ; In yonder tomb his ashes lie.'' "

But the sentiment was clean/knocked out by. a wit, who parodied it thus":"—.

Unless my deals protract my?ame,-v And lie" ; wliq.passes-sadly sing's, - v I knew him I'Derriclcwas his-name—-t On yonder tree his carcase swings."

Dr - Johnson admired "'Derrick for his presence of mind, which" was exhibited in a-somewhat peculiar way. Derrick, who was very poor, was • found fast asleep in the street one night by- a brother author named'Floyd, who aroused jhiin. "My dear Floyd," said: Derrick, {rubbing his eyes, "I'm truly sorry to.se"e you in this destitute condition. Come with m'e to my lodgings."

The mention of Macaulay reminds me that I have to express my sincere thanks to the kindly soul who sent his."Life," by.J. Cotter Morrison, which is the latest book of the English "Men-of Letters"./ series. Can't say, however,- that I care much for the book. I suppose that, coming after Trevelyan's ■" Life and ' Letters," the present author was at a disadvantage, for he could 'have to say but little that. was *. -new. Ifc will take most people by surprise to find that Mr Morrison, who seems a judicious critic throughout, considers that. Macaulav's highest powers lay in the direction-'of oratory. Summing him up generally, we are told that " Macaulay can gire us sumptuous and brilliant pictures of .-past': times,' which so far have not bsid their equals. His narrative among historians is quite unapp"roached, and on a level with that of the greatest'masters of prose fiction. Here we may pause,and doubt whether eulogy can conscientiously go further. On the other ..band, lie . has..little ;to say to the mind or heart." lialher a come-down this for a genius who has been in a measure deified by so large a portion 6i humanity; but ifc is true, nevertheless. But I can't - understand a man wntiag a life of . Macaulay and leaving- out' such a passage as the following, which occurs as a heading in a letter to his sisters . 'To HAJSNAH AND MAUGA.UET M.ACATJI.A.T—- ---'" Bo you Foxes,"be yon Pitts, '■ 'v. ; J :: ' Tou must write to silly cliits. .Be you Tories, he you Whigs, . •; ! Yo.i must write to sad young giga; ~ On whatever Board you are—- .; Treasury, Admiralty, War, .-■ : Customs, Scamps, lixcise, Control—-■-Tf:; '' V Write you must; upon my soul." . It is, when a man unbends himself thatyou get a real knowl<3dge of his character ; and, in spite of tbe. dictum of Miss Martineau, who "said he " wanted-heart," .the character of Macaulay is a most loveable one.

I notice that somehow Archibald Forbes does'not seem to. go down in Auckland, ard indeed there is but little enthusiasm for him anywhere. Qualities as a great war correspondent must be admitted; reputation of the man undoubted, etc., .but he doesn't go down, as I said before:What can the reason be ? Is it that th.er Colonies are getting tired of ;: these/wander-' ing luminaries, or 'what is it'? I venture to think that the. fault lies in the fact that Forbes has dallied too long amongst us. To be a success, a man like him must partake more of the'.nature; of a meteor than a fixed star. Even the comet was'beginning to pall "upon us latterly: it was! getting so very familiar' in the regularity of its nightly appearance. - A travelling genius should not give us time to pull him to pieces and see what he is made of. . But Forbes meddled with everything, and had a say upon every subject—settlement, irrigation, harbours, defences —everything ;'and it is death to a man's reputation when we find him discussing common topics, and not doing it quite,so,well.as. we ; can do it ourselves. I'm certainly surprised that a shrewd man .like him should commit so great a mistake.

Tbe singular unanimity witli which our Ministers agree to the,necessity of serving their country in"'the direction of Lake Wakatipu in the tourist,season is quite as it should be, provided it produces results similar to those which have been officially recorded in- the case of the Hon; Mr Rolleston. - This administrator, after yielding (in a somewhat guarded, \ray., J.t is true) to the fascinations of tbe shaft, anu. r then to some extent, ".going back on " his "colleagues of the Public Works, who had prepared his way : before :him and- made his paths straight, hasnow announced his conversion to the principle of the Central i Railway. This is a kind of Centralism j which is not unpopular in these parts, and i we local politicians would be very glad if [ it were the only kind of which we have lately heard from Wellington. But Mr Eolleston, with all his Central proclivities, is not the Central Figure of the Ministry. The Central. Figure—in the person of the Premier, the Hon. Mr Whitaker—is now officially enquiring into the vast resources of Lake Wakatipu, after the manner of Northern Ministers at this favorable season; and the object of this Idiosyncrasy is to suggest that he be now asked, a projoos of the million loan, what the figure of the Central is to be this year ? Ministerial enthusiasm is apt to be evanespent, especially- when it is- enthusiasm on the part of a Canterbury-Minister, serving under an Auckland Premier; in respect of an Otago liailway. Put in that way, you'll recognize that its lasting qualities are open to question. Couldn't we work up the thing before it hopelessly cools down,?

I have sometimes been so far misunderstood as to be suspected of a satirical;- or . even, I am ashamed to say, of a jocular i turn of mind. After the appearance last week of " Simple Simon's Tips " I trust it will be recognised once for all that I am not the humourist of The Mount Ida Chhonicle, and that for fun and fancy its readers must draw on the productions of the gifted Simon, while they are welcome, as heretofore, to flock for their moral and political edification to the feet of Parthian. This will give everybody his due, and will relieve me from a really serious imputation. (And, talking of serious imputations, would it be one, or would it only be a reasonable suggestion of the origin of this extraordinary sporting pamphlet, if we added a little y to its title ?) The author of the "exquisite piece of fooling " in question has done me the honor to forward me a copy, inscribed, " Dedicated to Parthian by a Humble Admirer," but the customary fee having been omitted, I am precluded by the rules of criticism from " skyiag " it as I might otherwise have done. Simple •Simon has, in fact—let me delicately remind him it is not too late yet—omitted the most vitally necessary of his Tips. Like his ancestor in the nursery rhyme, .who demanded a pie of the Pieman, and was toojsimple to realise tnat he had first to stump up his. Penny, this simplest of Simons" is actually simple enough to imagine that I sell my Puff-paste for nothing. I must instruct him. in the followiug way, which he will recognise from his family traditions—the halting and changeable metre only lollows the irregularities of the original, for consistency's sake:—

Simple Simon Imagines I'm oil For unpaid laudation, Hence tliis rliyine on The said Simple Simon, Eor.liis private-information.

Doubtless, Simon, As a seer you're-'fly," mon, : As.a satirist, quite Hogartliian; / But—excuse me, Simon— You just waste your time on ■ Wheedling, so cheaj).—Tours, PARTHIAN,