A FEW LAUGHS.

Manawatu Herald, Volume LIV, Issue 4419, 15 November 1934, Page 4

A FEW LAUGHS.

“Ever been in a railway accident?”

“Once. A very bad one. In a tunnel I kissed the father instead of the daughter.” The vicaFs wife gave a lecture on domestic matters to the women of the parish. She, covered a wide range of subjects —cooking, illness, and the care of babies —and at the end invited questions upon any matters she had failed to embrace. One woman rose. “Please, mum,” she said, “you haven’t told us what to do when your ’usband comes ’ome tight.”

Marriage fees in parts of America have been reduced by half. In this country the charges are unaltered —7s fid down and a series of uneasy payments for the rest of your life. Johnny looked very thoughtful. “I say, daddy,” he said, “why is mother singing?”

“She is trying to get baby to sleep.” “Will she stop when baby is asleep ”

Father nodded. “Then why doesn’t baby pretend to be asleep ” A new talkie has eleven characters, ten of them being men. The talking odds are, therefore, about fifty-fifty. A hypnotist claims to be able to put to sleep people who are miles away. Lots of wireless lecturers can do that.

Even animals have their funny ways, says a writer. When you come to think of it, the kangaroo is a bit of a bounder.

Many country inns now have illuminated signs, notes a traveller. Their customers are also lit up sometimes.

Lots of tramps who have seen trees never saw wood.

Pace powder and gunpowder are equally devastating in their effects on man power. Once there was a wise husband who bought his wife such .beautiful china that she wouldn’t trust him to, wash and dry the dishes. The latest type of garage is on wheels. When the wife brings the car home it saves time and expense to push the building round the car, instead of letting her back it in through one of the walls. ' (We read that it is - fashionable now at parties for guests to sit on the floor. The world is improving. At one time a number of them would lie under the table. Some modern girls have no inclination to crochet or knit. They don’t fancy work. This humour comes from “The New Idea,” the threepenny weekly paper-for Australian and New Zealand women. For reading matter of #ll kinds, its pattern service and useful departments, “The New Idea” is unparalleled. Now on sale at all newsagents —threepence.

“Cigarettes are superseding cigars in this country,” remarks the New York Times. It’s the same story in New Zealand, where the sale of cigars, even the cheaper qualities, is steadily dwindling. ‘Like the Yanks we smoke prodigious quantities of cigarettes (in proportion to population). Nevertheless and notwithstanding, the pipe, with us, is more than holding its own. It’s true that the coarser brands of tobacco are not nearly so much in request as formerly. The demand now is for brands of a better. —but not necessarily a more expensive grade, with less nicotine in them. In a word smokers are at last waking up to the fact that nicotine is a menace and must be cut out. Hence the overwhelming success of “NeAV- Zealand Toasted,” which quite moderate in price, combines flavour and bouquet with practically complete immunity from risk. The effect of toasting is magical! —it gets rid of the nicotine! The genuine toasted brands are five in number: (Cut Plug No, 10 (Bullshead), Navy Cut No. 3 (Bulldog), Cavendish, Desert Gold and Riverhead Gold. —Advt.