WIT AND HUMOUR.

Manawatu Herald, Volume II, Issue 8, 19 September 1879, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Ifc is very easy for a doctor to order a patient to make a soa voyage fur his health, because all sick people always have 10,000 dollars in the bank. No Hotentot is permitted to marry more than eight sisters out 01 one family. This is right. ' Somebody else might want a chance. "We have met many people who have never known enough to . attend to their own business, but they always knew how to run a newspaper. •.'.. Two newsboys wero standing in , front of a Houston cigar store, when . one of them asked the other : " Have you got thfteo. cents?" "Yes." £ ' ■

rrTirnTinfrifTJffiigi c mTrTiT~'i— mi niTifcl h i i i "ii ii| ji ittth'i ""f- --" Woll, I've got j,- wo cents; give me your three-cents and I'll buy a fivo- ; cent Havana cigar" "All right?" I says No. 2, "handing out iho money. . Ho enters the viasir st^rc, procures the cigar (on credit po.-sil>ly). lights if, and puilrf wftli a givat deal of •, satisfaction. . " (Jamo, n )\v, give us ; n puff," says , . No. 2j " [ furnished '} tf^i ire than Jifflf lii-o money. ' "1 s *now' it, " saitl^tlio smohor, " ljut r- then I a>u president, and you are • only a stockholder; you can spit." The -subsequent proceedings have i. already been communicated to the Q public. — Galvestdu News. a What a feeiing of relief comes v over a woman as she enters a church I and discovers that her neighbor's wife has the same 'feather ori^her spring hat-that she wore last season, f One woman in a fisfiing party will 3 do more to scare away the fish than ten packs of fire crackers. Besides that, no man wants to put the neck of a bottle in his mouih when women are around to misjudge his motives. y The sudden paleness which sometimes spreads over a younft man's face in church may be caused by quickened conscience, but the chances are that he has swallowed some to* bacco juice. A Pennsylvania man' had the ear ache for six months before a doctor found that he had a honey bre in it. Any remarks on the size of his eats would be out o!' order. The bee probably took it for a patent hive. An Inc'iana lady writes: — "No true and devoted husband will feel it degrading to help his wife prepare a meal, rock the babj', or wipe the dishes, and also throw in a few loving words of encouragement between times." Many a man who scolds his wife because things are not just to suit him at home, will be as placid as a custard pie and as mild q,s milk at a fashionable summer resort, and whert. !;othing is so good as it is in hi 3 own house, and he knows it. It takes a man to do that. — Steube..ville Herald. A compositor on an a£,r ; cultural paper, whose girl's father had helped him down the front steps the evening previous, had some copy entitled " The Perforating lower of lioots" given him to setup. lie fixed it up in sympathy with his own feelings, and the next day the came out headed " The Perforating'Powor of Boots." ; ::'..;/ J Onion parlios'aroajr l t!ie*rage in, lov^gj. Six young ladies • take an onion with them into a room. and one*, of the number tajces, a bite of *it: Then a young gentleman is admitted, and, after kissing all of them, if he fails to toll which ono of them bit the •' inguu'^ " whj then tho girls are all of them compelled to kiss him, or he is compelled to kiss all of them, and we forget which. The play will have v big run here if tho onions hold out. A chvoino goes with the play.— Mount Ayr Onward.