Page 6 Advertisements Column 2

Marlborough Express, Volume XLV, Issue 60, 11 March 1911, Page 6

woril wash clothes but f clean metal fTpodwork well FUNNY STORIETTES. -./'■ "t::,.:•:.■ '">". •."•",■■■■-■.:■■• MOONSHINE. "What is it, do you suppose, that keeps the moon in place and prevents it from falling?" asked Araminta. "I think it must be the beams," replied Charlie. A TREAT FOR WILLIE. -"George," said her husband's wife, "I don't believe you have smoked one of those ' cigars I gave you on your birthday."—"That's right, my dear," replied his v wife's husband, "I?m going to keep them until our Willie wants to learn to smoke.'" (S)QUASHED. J.udge Jubbins: "Alice, wasn't that young Mr Brown wiK> has just gone out?" Alice: "Yes, father." "Didn't I issue an injunction against his.coming here again?" "Yes, father; but he appealed to a higher court, and mamma reversed your decision!" ON THE SAFE SIDE. The Vicar of an East End parish tells the following tale:— The other day one of his' parishioners met him, carrying his overcoat. The day was pretty warm. "You hardly want your overcoat to-day, sir," said the parishioner. "I know," was the Vicar's reply, "but my wife is interested in a, jumble sale, and when I carry my clothes about with me I know where they are." BOON BY MISTAKE. Mr Blunderer (picking up the "creation" which he has accidentally sat upon)—" Dear me, Miss Milliner ! How very awkward of me, to •be sure. I'm afraid I've crushed that beautiful new hat." Miss Milliner (taking the ; hat in hand), and suddenly changiiig her expression of horror to one of delight) : "Why, you dear, good fellow ! Your accident has designed for me the most novel creation for a new season's style that could be'conceived. I can hardly thank you enough for it!" IF. A lady wanted a tutor for her children. She wrote to a friend asking her to look out for a suitable person, and gave a full description, of the sort of man she wanted, enumerating all the mental- and moral- qualities she expected him to possess. After several months of fruitless expectations, she at length. received a geply from her friend to the following effect:—"l have not been able to meet _ with a gentleman" such, as you | describe. If I do, you may rest perfectly assured that I will marry him." . THE POINT OF VIEW. "No newspaper in the T>lace!" exclaimed a tourist in a remote Scottish town. "Why, wjhat a way to live! You never know what is going on in the rest of the world." "Ah, well," replied the innkeeper, "it's aboot as broad as it's lang. isn't it? The rest o' the world's no better off than we. They don't knaw what's going on here. Ye told me yerself as ye hadn't so much as heerd the name o' this place before ye were landed here by accident; but all on us have knawn all aboot th' spot ever since oor childhood." A BIG~ORDER. A timber merchant was sitting in his office one day musing sadl-' over the general depression in the wood trade, when a quiet-looking young man entered. "Do you sell beech wood?" asked the stranger. t "Yes, sir," said the merchant, rising with alacrity, and hoping devoutly to book ft large order. "We can supply any is rich in strengtli-inipart-ixtg essentials, and therefore promotes physical endurance and hardihood. It is a delicious refreshing beverage, and the purest and best of foods. "CADBURY'S" best Chocolates in Caskets free to users. Ask for Conpon Starter.