THE REASON WHY.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 99, 24 April 1909, Page 3

THE REASON WHY.

By "One Who Knows."

Wlien, the kidneys and liver are inactive or diseased, certain, waste poisons are retained in the 'system, and we suffer Kiieumatism, Gout, Indigestion, Biliousness, Neuralgia, Lumbago, Sick Headache, General Debility, iiuckaohe, Sciatica, Anaemia, Blood Disorders, Gravel, Stone and Bladder Troubles. The reason why Warner's Safe Cure cures all these disorders speedily arid permanently is that they all arise from. an. indifferent action, of the kidneys and liver. VVaxner's Safe Cure restores the kidney® and liver to Health and activity, causing the waste poisons to be eliminated from the system in a natural manner, when, pain, due to tlie presence of such.1 poisons, is necesarily at an end. In addition to the regular 5s and 2s 9d bottles of Warner's Safe Cure, a concentrated form of the medicine

is now issued at 2s 6d per bottle. Warner's Safe Cure (Concentrated) is not compounded with alcohol, and contains the same number of doses as the 5s bottle of Warner's Safe Cut©. ii. H. Warner and Co., Limited, Melbourne, Vie. <

tered, feeling more bewildered than I was ever in my life before. "What nanie did y' say, S'?" And I broke out into a heavy perspiration.

: The chief looked a little bewildered, too. He turned to the clerk: "Just direct him v-how to find this place like a good fellow," he said, and handed him the letter, and ■i-ushed out ■ again. The clerk looked .at me and struck .a .sitting attitude. Then ihe took ; a piece of white paper, and, with his pencil, struck, a couple of lines across it that looked like a lane. "That's Sbafton Road," he said, indicating the lane. I stared blankly at Shafton Road. The clerk dashed the pencil across 'the paper again, and said: "That's the road the 'bus takes from Woolloongabba." ' 'Woollen-—what?" * I moaned. "Woolloongabba," he repeated with wonderful ease. "Woollengabba," I echoed with an effort. "You know where it is?" And he looked up at me. I confessed my Ignorance. I was forced to. He looked at me in astonishment. "Don't you know where Woolloongabba is?" I'didn't. I had never heard of it. The clerk laughed. You'd think he had" discovered .something humorous. "Do you know where. South Brisbane is?" he asked, with a. broad grim. I shook my head. I was in great pain. He probed me some more. "Where do you come from?" he asked. \ -:

"Shingle Hut."' He grinned again, and inquired its whereabouts.

I gave him its geographical, position as near as possible.

"And don't you know anything about Brisbane at all?" he added curiously.

When I shook my-head, he jumped up- / "Come on," he said, "and 'I'll put you on the right 'bus." • • * * ■»....

After timorously interrogating a policeman, and exhibiting .the letter I carried to numerous' people, wlio led me further and further astray, I came on the house I was'seeking accidentally, after 'bunting-for it about three hours. It was the Home of a ship's captain. ■■ ■ "Oh, yes,' 5 a woman to whom. I delivered the message said, "they were landed yesterday. Do you think you can carry them?"

I had formed the; opinion that whatever I was to. procure for the chief I would be able to put it in my pockej;. But, when I was confronted with *a bundle of formidable war weapons, the pride of some South. Sea Islanders, a cargo of .spears of all lengths, one^ as long as a tram section, and pointed and jagged with fish bones and shark's teeth—l fell back several paces, and ■ran my plan across my perspiring brow. , ■

"I don't think they're veiry heavy though," the woman said, seeing my distress; "but you'll have to be very careful with them, 'for they're most valuable curios."

I made no response. I stood mentally endeavouringl to conciliate my exalted dream® of an office with the lumbering of these infernal tilings through the streets. A small rebellion began to rise within me. I only wanted a leader, or a little encouragement to make trouble—to make tracks, anyway. But that woman was not the person to inflame me to violence. She didn't seem to be aware of my .social status. She took a lot for granted. She also took up the gruesome consignment of pointed sticks and shark's teeth1, and balanced them on my shoulder without asking leave. I thought I saw dry blood on one, and shuddered.

Mmd them going out of the gate," she .squeaked as a final injunction, and give my regards to Mr " And Off I strode with nothing but evil and animus in my heart for the chief of my department. I felt he had deceived and humiliated me. A large dog bounded for me as I started, and woke my instincts of selfpreservation. I immediately descended to the level of the savage. I unloaded slightly, and thrust the spear points at him. The woman screeched assurances that "Carlo wouldn't bite." But I had my own opinion. I distrusted dog®, and Carlo, I could see, wass all over a. dog. I made another dig at him with the shark's teeth, and the woman, in a high; key cried:

"You impudent fellow; I'll report you to your master!" Then I made for the gate, with one eye keeping a look-out in -the rear, and the other oil the spear tips, which were pointing the way out, some yards m advance of me.

I hurried along a footpath. The first turn to th© left I remembered was mine. I reached the corner, or rather, the fishbone and shark's teeth reached it, and was negotiating it successfully, when- an. unwieklly mam with a large corporation, coming Am the opposite direction,, (reached it, too. He threw up his hands and howled, just «c he was about to be speared in the stomach. I saved , his life, and quickemed my pace. "Young man!" he gasped after me. I looked round, but didn't stop. And when I turned my head again, the sharks' teeth were flirting with the back hair of a young lady wheeling a pram a little in front- of me. I directed them past her ear, and when they crossed her vision she gave an appalling .scream, and deserted her pram. The wild stare in her eyes when she faced me. made me feel like an assassin. But I said nothing. I

kept going. And how I began to sweat! And I wished myself back on the open plains, away from, the gaze' of the strange and gaping crowd! I thought minimise the chances of murder, and halted and reversed arms. It was several miles to the office, and I made up my mind to walk, amd avoid trouble on the 'bus. Past this parson1 and that I steered my burden, every now and again evading'a charge of manslaughter by a hair's breadth. Once. xwith a deal of skill, I steered' clear of a wobbling, inattentive Chinai maai, oainrying a pair of baskets, and heard a w#man squeal just behind me. I eased up, aaid looked round to see what Avais going on, and as my shouledrs turned I caught sight of the woman firantioally clutching for 'aired parasol that was gliding away from hea- in, the sharks' teeth. Thoughts •of handcuffs and lockups rushed through me; but I kept my presence of mind. I used my body like a crane, and swung the parasol back, and lowered it into the arms of the woman;—into the arms of a dozen women, in fact, and as many men, for a crowd quickly' collected. Then: the woman -screamed things, and dodged under the baa-bed curios, and brandished her damaged property in my face. I silently dammed the chief of my department for the interest hel took in barbarians, and escaped.

After that I deemed it safer to keep the sharks' teeth in front of me, and changed ends again. I was getting on well. I was becoming skilled in the art: of shaving the hair off people's ears with a spear without hurting them. Old' fools of men who came along, half-screwed, arguing things, and waving their hands about, and looking into each other's faces, gave me most trouble. It required all I had learned about handling the weapons to save their lives. Whenever I ported helm, they ported helm. Then I would have to stand still and yell a danger signal to them. And how they would wake up when they found themselves within an inch or two of being impaled as trophies on the handiwork of Tommy Tanna! I didn't laugh at them, an omission I have always regretted. It Ayas one of the "perfect moments" I failed to seize.

The newsboys, though, worried me a lot, and impeded my way more than all the others piit together. And they were pretty thick ■at that hour. They followed me, ran along beside me, shouting at the top of their

voices • —-

"Th.'.. new Guv-nor! < He's lost 'eself outer th' percession." And one snatched a rival's newspaper and impaled it on the spear points. The additional weight wasn't perceptible, so I made no demur. I bore that evening rag aloft as a savage would a scalp, and the news rascals were delighted. They cheered, and jeered in triumph, and used me as one hired to advertise their wares. An elderly man, with sympathy in his eye, overtook me and released that newspaper and hurled it on to the street. The newsboys scowled at. him, and in injured tones growled in chorus, "Dicken!!"

I saw the great stone building where the office was located, and felt intense relief. A short distance further and I mounted the steps and guided those spear heads into the main corridor. It was a long one with numerous doors on each side. Some of the occupants on their way out —it was closing-time how—saw me advancing and flattened themselves against the wall till I had, passed. Others poked their heads out of the doors and withdrew them again hurriedly. I thanked heaven I had only a few more paces to go. The door of the chief's room opened as I approached it, and the deputy, in all the glory of a volunteer's uniform, rushed out in a blind hurry. I saw him before he srav me. I only had time to say "HohJ" when he bunted the- fish bone and shark's teeth, with

[A^A^A^A^//^

his military shoulder and knocked^ me back. . "Oh, my heaven!" he exclaimed, "my heaven!" holding his and doing the wriggling act. in the corridor. I felt sure I had fatally wounded somebody at last. And while I was engaged in this pleasant feeling a' bellow came from the deputy th&t brought all the' building along, including the charwoman. "Phwhat ar-r-ethem?" he howled, eyeing Tanna's implements of war as though they were snakes. Then he lifted his voice an octave higher, and announced to the world that he was "pizend—pizend! bigod!" ■" Dear me!' dear me!" the chief said, appearing on the scene; "what is the matter?" And he looked first at me, then at the wounded deputy, and then at his own lovely curios which I still held balanced on my shoulder. ■ . ■ " Th-th-that d foohl — " the deputy began. But I didn't hear any more. '■- I jumped from under the spears and rushed into the office and put my head on the table.. After a while the clerk came in, and said: — " How did you manage to do that?" I made no reply. Visions of^the, deputy's funeral came to me. I was lost.

" Pity you didn't put one right through him," came from the clerk. Then I heard him open the door and .go home. \ A little later the "charwoman entered with her broom andv pans, and started throwing the furniture about. "Was it you as stuck thet thing into Mr ?" she asked with a chuckle. <

"But is wasn't my fault," I murmured.

"I wished, yer had er' ," she broke off, and added: "Ah, well, I won't say what I was er goin' to." Then I went off to the boardinghouse. And 'that was my < first day in an office.

(Conclusion of series.)