THROUGH A WOMAN'S SPECS

Marlborough Express, Volume XLII, Issue 247, 17 October 1908, Page 5

THROUGH A WOMAN'S SPECS

[Written for The Marlborotjgh Express.]

" Woman needs no eulogy—she speaks for herself." .

" Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and

wise.'

So we were taught to sing in ovv school-days. Perhaps it's true—l don't; I'never get up till I am too hungry to stay in bed any longer, and I never go to bed till I am too tired to stay up; so I have not put this lovely axiom to a practical test. Theoretically I adore early rising, practically T detest it. There is nothing more delightful than to lie snugly in bed and imagine how beautiful it is out on the dew-spangled lawn, with the flowers offering vp their fresh incense to the god of day, and all the birds chanting their morning hymns of praise; and to form ail sorts of good resolutions about* rising early—next week, or the day after to-morrow, and to doze off into slumberiand again. On the few occasions when the exigencies of travel have " waked me too soon " I have started off with a vague sense of injury and injustice, which is not a pleasant frame of mind to begin the day with. All these reflections flashed through my mind on reading in a letter'from a friend in Nelson : "F— did not get away till Friday-—cab ordered for seven a.m. on Wednesday didn't turn up." Now, isn't that a dreadful thing, and so unlike Nelson, too. "More will be heard of the matter" —so says my friendl Looks to me like a deliberate attempt on the part of "the Trade" to keep the forcible and fiery F— safe in the " garden of sleep" for awhile. Wish I had iheard about it in time to send .him a wire of sympathy..

Parliament has flickeerd out at last. ,Aboii* time, too.! Politics are among the things the iemale ■ mind can't grasp; hut I must be allowed to say a word oi regret! ul farewell to our Member, ours no more. True and loyal friend; chivalrous and straightforward opponent ; keen-wit-ted; quick-sighted, genial "Charlie", is no longer the lion. .Member for Wairau, and there is a touch of sadness in .the thought. I am only expressing .the opinion of every woman in the electorate when I say " Good old '..Charlie.' All happiness^attend ,you." All hope soon to hear that our late Member has been elevated to .the Tipper House.

* ■'»■■* * * * * "To have and to hold frpm "this -day forward." So runs a pdrtioh of the marriage service; but it should not be taken too literally. I learn from a recent exchange' that in a West Australian town a x woman has been prosecuting her husband for stealing her teeth. Hubby said he vdin't steal 'em; he had paid the dentist for them—he only removed them from his wife's mouth in self-defence. Said sh© used to fly at him and bite him like a mad dog. Just a little misunderstanding of the phrase '' to have and to hold " no doubt.

'Hubby was told by the Bench, that he must use "other means "to prevent his wife biting him, and he was ordered to restore the teeth: Quite right, too. Don't know what other means are legal. Muzzling, perhaps, or gagging. Anyhow, he must have been an aggravating creature, or she would never have thought of biting him. ; ■■*■#.■*■ * *.■*■•».

Will a Blenheim audience ever understand that the '.' mere man " who buys a ticket of admission to the Town Hall does so in the fond hope of catching at least a fleeting glimpse of the stage, and the entertainment there proceeding;; hot for the purpose of studying the latest atrocity in feminine headgear ? As for the persistent chattering that is such a prominent /eature in all our local audiences, well, .it is no use tryin"to suppress that; but the "hat nui£ ance'' surely might be abated.

The remarks of the vicar of Palanerstoji referring to the gracelessness of our rising generation remind me pf a story I -heard of a vicar in a rural parish in England. He met _a.lad. who was eating a huge slice of toread-and-butter, and who merely nodded to his pastor, instead of removing Ms liat. "My lad," said the indignant cleric, "I1 fear you are better fed than taught." " Ma;ybe parson," said the lad. "I feed myself, but you teacli me." Nuff said! Rather refreshing to read that tl'o v corset is a recognised article of male attire in London, and that a man offashion will spend as much as £150 per annum on what has,, till lately been regarded as a strictly feminine garment; also that a " nirieteen-inoh waist" is not at all uncommon among the curled darlings of the West End. Don't see many waists like fciat among our fellow-towns-men 5 Talking to a member of the Civil Service this week, he confessed to me that before coming to Marlborough he- thought Blenheim was an obscure spot, situated in a narrow valley, a mile or two beyond Picton, and that it was always raining to such an extent, iri fact, that a rushing torrent roared through the aforesaid valley, constantly in a state of flood, drowning cattle, women and other useful members of society. This may appear incredible to the average Blejiheimite, but I have been simply astounded, when travelling in the South, at the colossal ignorance regarding " Sunny Marlborough," its area, importance and natural advantages displayed by people who appear to be possessed of average intelligence. What a surprise some of them will get when the Main Trunk line is opened from Picton to the Bluff! May I be there to se«!