BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XXXIX, Issue 133, 8 June 1906, Page 4

BRIEF MENTION.

Some men carry a joke too far. Jones took his the other day to fourteen nowspapor offices, and it did not get accepted by one. A once celebrated singer lost his voice after his marriage. Ho had no opportunity of using it, and it just faded away. The Rev. C. Ensor Walters, the superintendent of the Wesleyan West London Mission, has been holding some;successful open-air services in Hyde Park on Sunday afternoons. An old woman, having brought a prescripiaon containing aisohic as one of the ingredients, observes the scrupulous accuracy with which the chemisb weighs the desired quantity, and says : " Why, my dear sir, you needn't be so very skinny particular ; it's for a poor orphan, you know !" The man who carries a silk umbrella shouldn't necessarily be trusted. Ho may have left an alpaca one in its place. Amidst the bustle and confusion pn the platform due to the arrival of the seaside express, a tanned passenger approached one of the officials. " A gentleman had left his umbrella in one of the carriages of the train," he remarked. "Fas he ? Thank you sir; very much obliged. What class, sir ?" " No class whatever," said the passenger, sadly, " or I should have stuck to it myself." * A native choir from Jamaica, somewhat on the lines of the Jubilee Singers which visited the colonies some years ago, is singing West Indian plantation choruses at St. George's Hall, Liverpool. The other day a gentleman was going home from the city, when he stopped to light a cigar. The wind was blowing very strongly at the time, and, after several attempts to get a light, he put his back to the wind and succeeded in his quest. But unfortunately, he forgot to turn round again, and went back to the city. An Oamaru resident is in possession of a meteorite that fell recently in Central Otago. In its fused flight to the earth the meteorite had inflated itself till it became hollow, and it is now an oblong metallic shell, with a piece knocked out of it where it struck the ground.—North Otago Times. Pahiatua and district have just passed through the. wettest season experienced by farmers in the past 12 or 14 years. Taihape is constituted a borough by proclamation in last week's Gazette. The Government has set aside for workers' dwellings a'block of land at the Hutt about 11 acres in area. The locality is known as the Heretaunga Settlement. Irate Father : " How dared you kiss my daughter out on the balcony ?" Jack Cynique :" I don't know—l wondered myself when I saw her afterwards by daylight." Waiter : " H'ni! So you object to the butter ? Why didn't you ask me to remove it ?" Diner: "j I supposed it was strong enough to get away without assistance." Naggs: " My wife never loses her temper." Jaggs : " How do you account for that?" Naggs : " She keeps it in such constant use it has no chance to get lost." Jack (gazing at pigs) : " And such nice curly tails, Sue !" Sue (reeflctively) : " Ah, I s'pects they're put into curl papers every night." The Paeroa correspondent of the New Zealand Herald states that Mr C. T. Gibson has received a letter from his sister in San Francisco stating that at the time the mail left she was unable to find two of her children, and was afraid they had perished by the earthquake or the fires> At a recent wedding in the Bllesmere district (Canterbury) a cheque for ,£IOOO was among the wedding presents. Bridegroom (to parson, who" is rounding off wedding ceremony with a " few words") •. " Axing yer pardon, sir, we should love to 'ear yer, but we've got the kerridge by the hour." A : "Do Couroy Sniythe boasts that he can trace his ancestry back to the time of the early Normans." B : " Well, the Normans are dead, and won't mind." Knox College, Toronto, has decided to confer the degree of Doctor of Divinity upon Rev. Charles William Gordon, pastor of St. Stephen's Church, Winnipeg, who is better known by his pen-name, " Ralph Connor." A farmer and his man rose one foggy morning at the early hour of four to drive a troublesome bullock to market. When they had tramped about eight miles, the farmer said to his man, who was walking behind him : " We are getting along fine, Bill, aren't we ?" Bill muttered an ejaculation of dismay: " Why, mister, is that you ? I thought you was the bullock all the time !" / He had mistaken his master's fat figure for the bullock in the fog, and had been diligently driving.him. That tiresome amimal had given them the slip eight miles behind. Encouraged by the political success of the Labour Party in England, a movement has been set on foot to organise a Labour Party in Canada, and a " Labour temple" is to be erected at Montreal at a cost of £140,000. After she had asked for a ticket to Richmond at the station at Norfolk, Virginia, a pretty blonde discovered that she had lost her purse. She hesitated for a moment, then walked up to another woman, and offered to sell her the red silk petticoat she was wearing. After a few moments in the waiting room one woman emerged with a parcel and the other with "her fare. He knocked at the back door of a suburban house, and the cook opened it. He was a sinister-looking fellow, and she held on to the door. '■' Lady ~<d the house in?" he inquired ma gruff voice. " No," trembled the cook. " Master of the house here ?" " No." "None of the people in ?" " None but me/* And she tried to shut the door. " All right, then," he growled, setting his foot against it; " I'll come in and have a look round, Let go that door," And as she let go the door, the tramp fell into the arms of a big policeman, who was courting the cook, and who dragged him off to the station for his look round. For Children's Hacking Cough at night, Woods' Great Peppermint Cure, la 6d and 2s 6d per bottle. •