BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XXXIX, Issue 63, 15 March 1906, Page 4

BRIEF MENTION.

English papers arc still full of the sayings and doings of tho " All Black" team. It would appear .that when the footballers reached the Old Country nobody there expected very much of them. But after the Devonshire match the London Football Star saw the tornado that had arrived, and burst into song thus:— Now is the time that the Eugbyites shout That things are not just what they seem. For Devonshire, after last Saturday's rout, Is not clotted but clouted cream. Nor must we accept that New Zealand aloue Can send nothing tougher than lambs ; The way that they butted poor Devon has shown That the lambkins are battering rams. A loud voiced Eadical orator astounded his audience by declaring that " tho Tories keep dragging the Home Eulc red herring across our path, but it misses fire every time." Mr George L. Holton, superintendent of the Derby Desk Company's factory at Boston, has asked for an injunction to prevent his wife ringing him up continually on the telephone. A speaker at a Liberal meeting near Weymouth remarked, " I am pleased to see before mo some men who have laid down their lives for their country." It is computed that New York playgoers spend 20,000,000 dollars (,£5,000,----000) a year in seats for the theatre. Tho average weekly takings of a New York theatre are £1600. Einging a dog's nose is a new species of crime, a farmer having been summoned for " ill-treating, abusing, and torturing a dog by having two rings inserted in its nose." He : " There's one thing I will say you make quite as well as your mother used to make ib." She : " What's that, Fred ? " He : " Trouble." " Eiches, my friend," said the plutocrat, "do not bring, happiness." " Maybe not," said the proletarian, " but it must be a heap of satisfaction to have a lot of money and be able to talk like that to a chap that hasn't any." While courting a girl at Lexington, Kentucky, a man named Lucky accidentally trod on her toe and injured it so much that amputation was necessary. Although he paid the doctor's bills and gave her slippers and other presents, she has now refused to have anything more to do with him. "I say, boy," remarked a would-be fisherman, " are there any fish in this stream ? " " Yes." '•' Will they bite ? " " None of them ever bit me, mister ; but you needn't to go into the water to fish if you're afraid of them." It was stated that Emily Hart, who was sentenced at Westminster to a month's hard labour for stealing a sovereign from a soldier, swallowed the coin, and Avashed it down with a bottle of lemonade. . A man was being tried on the charge of selling adulterated whisky. The whisky was offered in evidence. Jury retired to try the evidence. Judge (presently): What is the verdict ? Foreman of the Thirsty Jury : Your Honor, we want more evidence. The Americans have invented a new word for public dinners. It is " Chewfest," the latter syllable being taken from the many German " fests," such as Saengerfest and Schuetzenfest. " My proudest boast," said the lecturei", who expected his statement to be greeted with cheers, " is that I was one of the men behind the guns." " How many miles behind ?" piped a voice in the gallery. A woman witness at an inquest at Stepney on an old man and his wife who died suddenly protested against.the doctor's evidence that the room was dirty. " They were the cleanest old couple in Stepney," she'said. "They always washed their hands before going to bed."

A Scotchman, having hired himself to a farmer, had a cheese set down before him that he might help himself. Presently his master said to him, " Sandy, you take a long time to dinner." "In troth, master," answered he, " a cheese o' this size is na' sac soon eaten as ye may think."